You need to talk to a professional, not 4 u, not 4 him, but 4 the kids that you brought into this world. i was in the same spot you were in a couple of years ago and the only things that helped me was 1)looking into the eyes of my children who at birth i promised to take care of. 2)pray 4 the strength to realize that there is a problem and know that unless you get help your innocent children will suffer more than you will. 3) we are women, we can do things that no others can, and overcoming depression is a task, but, us, as women have overcome alot worse. talk to a doctor, and get better, for the sake of your babies. they need you. we all need you.
This is for the gal alone with a boyfriend who does not understand the pain. Honey, I entirely understand. I was born in poverty, left my unstable situations living with diffrent people and having awful events occur to me as a child. I left at 16. Since then I have spent all B-days,X-mas’s,Thanksgivings either working and/or home entirely alone. I dont know how I have survied. I do not remember 80% of my childhood, I have just blanked it out I suppose. Unfortunately I only remember the big/bad events. I can only give thanks to Christ, who did exist and did the deed, history doesn’t deny his existence. Now, through hard work, many many tears, prayer, and an old man/step father who only for a short few years, showed me love. I wasn’t even his daughter and he never harmed me like other men had. He unfortunately drank and died of cancer, when he died I died. I managed to put myself through school, I have a great career making over 100k, two property’s, and believe it I am somewhat attractive, so I’m told, and quess what, I still break down and it seems to be more often as I realized I am 35 getting older and no child. I refuse to be married, but 1 child would be a blessing, but I could not bare having a child and having them be alone also, especially if I passed on. I do have a significant other who treats me nice but has two boys, no job, a vesectomy, and an x-girlfriend who let’s put it this way, I have a restraining order on! How I managed to put my self in situation I don’t know. However he or no other person who has not experienced true abandondment/emptyness, could not ever possibly understand. Bottom line, you will always feel darkness attack you, but you must find a private place and immediatly thank the positive powers of the universe, who will return your emminating energies of thankfullness/love through what is know as Karma, Yes Karma, it is as true as the laws of this universe. So send out thoughts/energies of love and love will return to you in many interesting forms. I do not know if you have children, but having one in your future will make you strong. I did not want children untill I hit 33. I had realized later the purpose of children after 3 bad relationships. Here it is, a child’s love in unconditional, they for the most part will not stop loving you or leave you, men, well it is a risk, they can come and go, thus why I can not commit, only to christ message. I and you, will one day in time realized what our “soul” purpose is someday. I pray you find yours soon. Please push all thoughts of death, I work in a hospital, and seeing others suffer, keeps me grateful and together. Contemplate what it is you love, and push for a job/career that more than pays the bills. The universe put you here love yourself and others, and have children, they will bring you purpose/joy!!
I love you. I can now even realize why people do bad things, because they carry pain they can not release. The universe loves you!!
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