Love help: My fiancée called off our wedding 5 days before the date. - Help.com

For a start Im sorry, I can only imagine the ain and confusion you must feel, but you must realise that he must have had great strength to cancel it and to tell you he needs help. It would have been allot easier for him just to ket th wedding go ahead and go with the flow.
Marriage is for better or worse, so show him that you belive in those sayings before you marry, he said he has problems so stick with him and help him through it, just because you don’t have it on paper that you are man and wife you can atleast show him that you are with him through thick and thin.

Do I need to give him space? All he says is that I can stay.

he just wasn’t ready. he probably didn’t want to hurt ou or anyone else

yes, you should stay, unless you can sense that he is uncomfortabe, or if it makes you uncomfortable

I think he is fine. He goes on with his life like this doesn’t bother him at all. He says he is hurt and sad but can still go about his daily routine like it’s not big deal.

You need to do whats best for the both of you. Ask him if he needs space, say that you want to be their for him but if he needs to be alone then say you can understand, say it so he desn’t feel like he has to please you with an answer you want to hear. Make sure that he knows that you are there for him and that you don’t judge him for his choice. He has admited he needs to get things straight in his head and he will open up to you when he is ready. If he wanted to end the relationship he would have done it when he cancelled the wedding, the whole hog so to speak, so he must still want you around but he is in an emotional pickle that he needs help with.

But how long do I stay?

As long as it takes.
There is no time limeit to his happyness, he feels down and he wants to know you are there.
If you are doubting if you can stick this then I don’t think you should get married as marriage is all about ups and downs, he called it off not because he wants to end it but because he sees a problem in himself he wants to fix, what if you felt the same as he does and called off the wedding but wanted him to stay with you, how would you feel if he left you because you didn’t want to marry at that exact point in time? you would be crushed that he didn’t help you through it, wouldn’t you?

If you truely love him, as long as it takes.

If you are doubting yourself now because of his actions, it should be a reason for you to reflect as to why you originally said yes when he proposed to you.
If, on the other hand, you truely do love him, you will stay with him for as long as it takes to get married.

I’m not sure if it’s the same situation in the US as it is here, but a lot more people are opting for a Common Law/ Civil marriage license then a marriage in front of a religious party.

Ultimitally, he might just be telling you the truth by telling you that he’s not ready, and if that’s the case, you should thank him for that, otherwise, your marriage would be built on shaky grounds.

Good Luck

that happened to me once, i called off the wedding. people were pressuring me and i think they hated me and it affected everything.if only the guy was patient enough on my decision of calling off the wedding then i would not have run away from them. all of them.

so just like what our friends are saying above, stay with this guy and be there for him. there are emotional reasons and you leaving him is the last thing he wants to see.

i am sorry this has to happen, but i am sure there are reasons for everything. prayers for you, lilies

But we have already been together 7 years, how many more years do I wait for him to figure out what he wants.

has he ever told you what he really wants? does he believe in marriage in the first place? check his history or back ground, has there happened in his past life that makes him not too sure of commitment through marriage?

He doesn’t know if marriage is the right thing for him, he tells me lots of people just live together. Which doesn’t help at all. He just tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. When I ask him how long it will take him to figure things out he tells me he doesn’t know and ultimately I’m afraid that I will wait for him to figure things out and end up getting hurt all over again. I mean I love him and I’m committed to him and staying with him to work things out but that kind of puts me in an awkward place for the time being, he has all the power.

You love him and he asks you to stay… so stay.

i would stay and see how the counseling reflects on him first. some people just get cold feet for unobvious reasons right before the big day. give him a little more time and then make your decision.

I agree with mills

most of us are saying that you should stay and wait. but i am not too sure HOW LONG.

Well… Lilies… “most of us are saying”. I guess I’ll once again be the lone wolf howling at the moon.

LP, you are right. You have been a couple for SEVEN years! How much more does this guy have to learn?! He’s got one thick head.. or is that his heart? Are his parents divorced or something? I would move back to your family immediately; if you can. You do not need the love of someone that cannot commit to you, and that is all marriage would be doing at this point, yes? After 7 years as a couple, marriage in ONLY saying , I love you enough to commit my love to your for the rest of my life. In truth that all marriage is ever only saying; I commit. LP you say he says he just not ready for marriage. What about marriage is he not ready for? A commitment to you for life? A spiritual bond of marriage via the church? Potentially becoming a father?

If you ask me at this point marriage is only a life commitment… if after seven years he wont commit to you, but want to stay a couple, that only means to me he is leaving himself a way out. He has marriage now but with an escape clause… and that is what he wants to keep. Move home, but see the counselor with him.
Bright blessings~
Richard

It is not easy. Richard has a point, about commitment. If you love somebody enough, you are willing to commit yourself to a life-long relation. With or without an official wedding. To most people, the wedding is a symbolic gesture to show that commitment. Anybody knows that things may change anyway. But without some sort of commitment, it is like saying that it is likely to change. At least the INTENTION must be there, otherwise it sucks.

But somewhere along the road it is also a conscious decision. I personally want to marry, because it is a way to tell my girl AND myself, that this is it! Now I have made my choice, and I intend to stick to that choice. I would not commit myself if I did not love her, but only then. A long-term relation must not neccessarily mean a marriage, but I would still want it to mean a commitment of some sort.

Everybody may be subject to temptations, or may find somebody attractive. One may also be subject to somebody’s passes. If I am not willing to commit myself, it is like telling that I may not stay around, like “be with me at your own risk. I will keep looking. If I find something better along the road, I’m out”.

So somebody who wants “a way out” of a relation, is not enough serious about it and is wasting his/her partner’s time.

I agree with most, give him some time but not too much. After a while it is time to decide. A couple with the intention to make it, or singles going different ways.

Well… Lilies… “most of us are saying”. I guess I’ll once again be the lone wolf howling at the moon.

You should not stay. To me it sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. You stay, act like a wife, give him everything he needs and want, but he emotionally feels free with one foot out the door.

You are worth way more than this! What problems does he have that marriage will complicate? Living with you in a husband and wife relationship doesn’t highlight these issues? I’m not sure I understand the difference.

Move out. Go on with life. If he does love you and you’re the one for him, believe me, he’ll find you. Maybe moving out will show him how much he loves and needs you.

Sometimes living together complicates things instead of helping. Why should he marry you if you give him everything a wife would? If you want to be married, then make him work for it.

Best of luck to you. I’m so very sorry you’re hurting and I hope you find peace to make the right decision.

My fiance called our wedding off 6 weeks before and he said we just had problems to work out. I dont really know what those problems are or were. I has been 7 months and we are still together and it has been very hard. It makes you feel like a bond was broken and now i have trust issues and alot of insecurities. How long are you supposed to wait? Before you want answers and a new wedding date because if your like me you said yes to a proposal and your still saying yes but never get any answers or solutions.

how did it work out?