a little message asking her how she is doing would not hurt you right? :) that is when you care enough to know how she is doing.
You still believe what you said, and it sounds like you’ll both be fine without each other. It’s okay for friends to grow apart sometimes.
If you change your mind, and want to be friends again, let her know. Until then, though, it’s okay to go your separate ways for a while. I guarantee she’ll think about what you said.
Yeah, she’s my best friend and we’ve been through alot together. When we started the conversation I told her that it was hard for me to say, and that I didn’t want to fight with her at all. Just that this had been bothering me for a long time now.
Can it be that someone doesn’t know there being this way?
Definitely. It’s tempting and easy to become a dependent person, without realizing it, especially since that kind of behaviour gets positive attention from most people.
I doubt anyone has ever told her that this is a problem before, I doubt she’d ever thought about it.
the only thing I know is dat good friends are hard to find…i think ur posting this query indicates that u care…and then everyone needs someone to take care of them, its a persons parents…siblings or their friends.
Ask her if she’s ok or needs help…and this time tell her dat u have to fend for yourselves. u wont have me all your life to look after u.
Yeah I knew a guy like that I tried to help him for 3 years. He had fixed almost all his problems but in the end decided to play the victim/helpless role ~sighs~. I just washed my hands with him, as I have very little time for people who suffering from using emotional addiction ~smiles~. I don’t consider it a waste, even if it turned out that way. That fact that you have been her friend for a while is cool, unless everyone quits enabling her to that way she will always be that way eventually getting into more trouble ~sighs~.
Good luck!
It doesn’t matter whether she is or isn’t knowingly doing it. She has been told she is doing it and refuses to recognize it. That crosses the line from ignorance to stupidity ~smiles~.
What really matters is how it is affecting you life, if it bothers you that much perhaps you should put some distance between the two of you?
No, it matters whether she knew it (I doubt she did!), because it’ll effect how long it takes her to process this discussion, and when/whether she’ll be ready to talk to you about it more.
When we had the conversation, she kept trying to stop it. And didn’t want to talk anymore.
Maybe she wanted to stay in denile of it.
One time she realy hurt me by cheating me out of 10 euro. I had told her that day I was very short on cash..
After doing some maths, I realized she had cheated me. I know it’s only 10 euro, but that wasn’t the point. I told her I was short! I asked for it back and she gave it about 3 weeks later without a word.
This incident realy hurt me. She must of been aware of what she was doing..
that is tough, now she must be embarrassed about what she did. all the while she did not know you were waiting for the right time to talk to her.
She told me a story in her defence, that one time didn’t have enough money to take the train back home. She didn’t dare ask me for money.. so when she left she phoned another friend to pay for her ticket.
Doesn’t that prove that she’s lent money so often that she doesn’t dare ask for more out of shame?? She must be aware!
Yeah. I’d say embarrassment and some denial are more than likely, not malice.
She’s in a tough place - she’s got to acknowledge something very negative about herself, decide to fix it, figure out how, stop procrastinating, and really fix it…
If this is a frequent thing for her, it will take plenty of time, months or possibly even years, for her to process all this and change her behaviour for good.
Most people aren’t very good at acknowledging their own imperfections. We have tons of ways out of admitting that we were wrong… even when she knows she’s embarrassed, she still might not have admitted to herself that she was behaving badly.
Now you’ve told her, though, she’ll have to reconcile her worldview with this new information.
She might decide that you’re wrong, or that the world is just out to get her. She might decide that you have a point but that she can’t possibly overcome ___. She might decide you have a point and she needs to shape up.
Time will tell.
I’m a true believer that people come in to your life and go. And that there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s just weird that it happend so quickly. We’ve known eachoter for about 6 years. And have been best friend!! For it to end with a ‘civil’ conversation is just strange and maybe even sad.
It doesn’t have to be Over Forever, it can just be going separate ways for a while and eventually coming back. You never know :)
she’s learning new things today and that’s good enough. :)you did your job.
In fact, that might be a good thing to do — to write her some message that means you don’t consider your friendship to be Over Forever or anything, that you don’t hate her, and that she can contact you if she’d like.
I told her before we ended the conversation that this was not an attack. I didn’t want to drop kick her for no reason. I wanted her to know how I felt and that it can’t go on any longer. At least not the way she treats me. Maybe I shouldn’t of told her what I think about how she treats other people..
In a friendship you should be honest right?
the only way to grow and move forward is to cut away whatever is holding you back..sometimes it is people, sometimes it is bad habits, sometimes it is attitudes.
you sound like you want to move on, but just need time to adjust..like one person said, a good friend IS hard to find. But not hard to keep.
a crappy friend will cling to you like mud to a pig, but will dip out at the first hard place you guys come to..you did your part, and maybe she will learn from it, but it seems you are better off without her in your life.
I can’t tell you whether what you did was right or wrong… and I also can’t proclaim that you’re better off without her when I’ve never even met either of you!
It doesn’t matter what I think about those things anyway. It only matters what you do now. Assuming you want to leave the doors open to her coming back eventually, I’d suggest doing something to show that those doors are open.
no, not doing something, saying it directly is best
ÅKSLOGISTIC® wrote:
the only way to grow and move forward is to cut away whatever is holding you back..sometimes it is people, sometimes it is bad habits, sometimes it is attitudes.
you sound like you want to move on, but just need time to adjust..like one person said, a good friend IS hard to find. But not hard to keep.
a crappy friend will cling to you like mud to a pig, but will dip out at the first hard place you guys come to..you did your part, and maybe she will learn from it, but it seems you are better off without her in your life.
You are right, I do have the feeling I want to move on. But we’ve been through alot together. She has helpt me in my tough times.. and I have helpt her.
She’s not all bad. If she was she wouldn’t of been my best friend for so long. I’m kind of scared of leaving her.. she’s the kind of person who will hide herself away from the world and do it alone. She doesn’t have many friends..
Maybe my loyalty is the problem. I know I can get on easily without her.. that’s the not problem.
Yeah, maybe I should e-mail her. Ask her how she feels..
do what you will, but just know, you will resent her eventually if she does not change..and she will resent you for pointing out a flaw in her.
right now I am sure she is being reassured by others that she is not a user, so she can convince herself that YOU are the one with the problem.
I have seen this, and let go off friends that i had for years because of it. And, this is how people end up staying in abusive relationships.
I know, this is not abusive, but is it? She seems to take for granted that her “freinds” will take care of her.
again, do what you will, but if you look deep enough into your heart, you will see the right answer.
I disagree with AKSLOGISTIC.
I think the email you suggested sounds like a good plan. Good luck!
friends are friends , good or bad. email sounds good. u know her better, you have known her for ages. and yes, good luck. :)
ÅKSLOGISTIC® wrote:
do what you will, but just know, you will resent her eventually if she does not change..and she will resent you for pointing out a flaw in her.
right now I am sure she is being reassured by others that she is not a user, so she can convince herself that YOU are the one with the problem.
I have seen this, and let go off friends that i had for years because of it. And, this is how people end up staying in abusive relationships.
I know, this is not abusive, but is it? She seems to take for granted that her “freinds” will take care of her.
again, do what you will, but if you look deep enough into your heart, you will see the right answer.
Good points. I’ve wanted to quit the friendship with her a couple of times, but because of the long time we’ve been friends loyalty made me stay and accept it all.
If she doesn’t understand my problems with her at all there’s no point in keeping the friendship..
Shame, but it’s just how life goes right.
Thanks.
Thank you everybody! You’ve been a great help!!
I’m going to send her an e-mail to see how she feels. Maybe she’s embarrased to contact me, or maybe she thinks I’ve gone loco..
Lets hope for the best!
just for a qick follow up. when i was 23 and life was grand, i had many good friends, so many. I was making good money, life of the party, had a nice house and fancy car..my many many friends were with me day and nite
I am 34, have many problems, and nowhere near the money and good health i enjoyed back then..although i am so much wiser than i was..and now, besides family, i have 2 Incredible friends, and a whole loto of people that have no time for me, because i have nothing they need.
see? do you? ha ha
I understand. And I think I am aware of the difference between friendship, and people you hang out with. I can only hope I can tell them apart at my party’s.
I don’t trust easily.. so I don’t convide in many people and certanly am not quick to call someone my friend. She was / is my friend.
Will be sad to see her go if she does.
Thanks for the help. :)
out of personal experience i would say to give her some time and feel confident in your words. if you’ve felt this way for a while then it was right to say what u did. if she is really your friend she will know that u are trying to help, but just give her time and space so she can figure that out.
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