I want to send this to my girlfriend but I’d like some feedback on it first.
Criticism on this particular piece is VERY VERY welcome. Thankyou -Dan
Wondering how I deserve a prize
as so doting as you,
the brew of your Smile and the miles pries
my heart and mind in two.
I love you more than you realize.
It’s not fear that you’re with other guys
leading my heart to stew.
Your soulful gaze you could not disguise
sustains my yearnings true.
So Genuine, you keep real eyes.
Real life was made unreal when byes
and sighs between us flew.
All then since found is that parting buys
dismal life without you.
You are where life that’s real lies.
I love you more than you realize,
transcending all I knew.
So Genuine, you keep real eyes
in which I see you true.
You are where life that’s real lies.
This open post was written 1 year, 1 month ago | V/U/S: 667, 8, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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