Jade invited 25 users to read this post 1 year, 1 month ago.
Are you getting professional help with this?
I am the same way, only it is in nearly every situation with me. I drink to calm my nereves (10$ to anyone who’s heard that before hehe). Currently I’m seeking out a psychologist to prescribe me something for the anxiety, like xanex or perhaps beta blockers. At this point I think medication is the best way to go for me. You could try therapy to see if maybe something is causing it, or perhaps some kind of daily meditation could help.
hurrrrummmmphhhh
Sweetie… you know what you have to do… just do it.
But while you are waiting to do that… here’s an idea. Go to Seminars. Learning seminars… shoot for things that you like. Some you will have to pay for of course but the value of it will be countless. That is the environment you most dispise… immurse yourself in it. It becomes a sink or swim situation. In the begining… DO NOT go alone… take a friend with you. Also… go to the seminars that are free…so that you can walk out any time you want… without loosing any money…. lastly, keep a Seminar/workshop journal. Write about everything you learned and everything you FELT. It’ll be fun :)
bright blessings~
Richard
I can not think of a way to help with that. I have never experienced that, my self. I have had to help people who had a hard time giving a speech. Is this similar? That is just the stage fright portion though. For that I have told people to ware a swim suite under there cloths. Don’t ask why but, apparently it works for a lot of people. I would guess it has something to do with feeling exposed. I will ask a couple friends. They might be better equipped to handle this one.
First I would say to find the type of people you feel like you could be most comfortable around, and figure out where they hang out and if you can be comfortable in that sort of setting. For myself it was a artsy or party crowd—so I use to spend a few days a week going out to a diner, in the wee hours of the morning 10-12am or 3-6am, with a book and some pocket money. I slowly became a regular and found it easier to interact with people. Becoming comfortable with said people I found that I could except invitations to go out to other places over a course of a few months. Alternatively there were some coffee houses that held earlier hours, they tend to be more expensive. And there were a few libraries with nice courtyards, unfortunately most of the people didn’t interact.
Now if I feel anxious I’ll take off my glasses (so I don’t find myself looking around in a panic) or sit in the corner of a room, plan exit strategies ‘just in case’(it can give you a sense of control). It takes time and patience and being able to rationalize with yourself…like this situation is bad, but THAT situation is worse, I can handle this situation for 1 or 2 hours. Learning to be able to focus all thoughts on the individual I was speaking to or the book I was reading or writing in. You can develop a sense of control in these places/situations, your stationary and remember you can choose to leave at any point. I can’t do malls, hate most shopping, movie theaters are intrusive…
On a side note I understand why I have large brutish male friends (+6 ft +250lbs) —people don’t mess with large linebacker types, even if they are weird or nerdy, or the sweetest people you’d ever know. I only will consider going out to high stress areas if I have some crowd control. ;)
Good luck, you can work though this step by step.
I have been to therapy and took anti’s - didn’t really help.
Example, I belong to a rod & gun club and there was membership meeting last week that I really wanted to go to (I have belonged for nearly a year and have yet to really participate - I use the archery range during times when I know no one will be there).
Sully, yes… it has a lot to do with being exposed-eyes on you type feeling. I shake just thinking about it.
There is a really great event coming up in a few weeks at this club and I REALLY want to go, I will only know one person there. He knows I have this problem but I don’t want to freak out in front of him…he’s a very dear friend and would do everything to help me that I am sure of but well..it’s personal.
I try going to places like the meeting, will even get in my car and drive there - but usually fear grips me and I end up turning the car around.
Therapy = just do it
Friends - uhhh..not many of my friends appreciate my belonging to this club which is why it is kind of essential to me to actually make friends at the club. (see the irony…)
Drugs- hate them/won’t take them/don’t help anyway.
Alcohol - ha…I have to drive there and back!!! So couldn’t consume enough anyway to function with a bow and a gun!!! DUCK!
Man… a scared broad with a GUN… how scary is THAT?!!!
Well you know one person, maybe he can help with crowd control and keep the people in close proximity to a minimum?
I use to carry stings of beads that I’d count over and over. Or a worry stone, which is a smooth stone you rub. People thought I was finicky/OCD but really, I just divided my attention so that I wasn’t watching other people watching me, or just looking at me because I was staring at them…
Times, thanks you offer some good insight about slowly working in to the situation, but I don’t have this problem in general public places (this is where it gets confusing for most people/even the therapists I worked with).
Most people with this phobia - can’t go anywhere.
I can do public places such as the mall, book stores, whatever and the like.
What I cannot do is be with a large group of people for a long time (such as this picnic or the meeting) in which I have to introduce myself, carry on conversations, and attempt to do ‘a skill’ with others watching. (as Sully put it…being exposed or perhaps on display…)
Example - I recently went to a butterfly conservatory - I was fine/with a friend having a good time. Then a butterfly decides to land on me and people take notice (as is expected), I felt an immediate sense to run (flight..) I had to hold my ground and stay calm. The fact that my friend was there and didn’t know at the time that I have this stupid phobia was the only thing I allowed myself to focus on until I could finally move my feet and gently/unnoticed shoo the butterfly off me.
Most people seem to be ok with that type of attention, I go into deep panic mode.
Example - I was giving blood today on a crowded bus with strangers, and I was perfectly fine laughing and joking with the staff…I am at one point the center of attention because I was done so quickly (filled my blood bag in 6 minutes!) why the difference??? No therapist has explained it to me yet.
Ohh… I like the beads idea…. I can do that one!!!!
I have a fear of speaking in front of groups of people. I get dizzy, sweaty, and start to black out. It’s not good. If I have to speak in front of a crowd I make sure someone I know is in there and tell them to make faces at me when they see me start to get nervous. The beads thing works too. I play with my ring or braclet.
Maybe you have some form of claustrophobia, I guess you don’t have to be in a small enclosed environment to feel trapped, I completely understand this panicking feeling when attention is on you, you instantly feel trapped and incredibly self aware. For me malls or anything are a no go, mainly because I have long dreadlocks and a general appearance that causes stares. I wasn’t recommending alcohol, it makes things worse in the long run. I have however noticed jasmine green tea works for a small period of time, it’s relaxing, that and the warmness and sweet scent is like a security blanket. Also I find having a large bottle of water at all times helps me to keep my hands busy, that and I’m used to having a beer there. And one other thing I do is try to do long complicated equations in my head, usually based on how many chairs in the room, or how many times someone would blink on average in a day and comparing it to how much Bill Gates makes in a day, then doing the maths to work out how much money he makes every time he blinks hehe
((((FOUR))))
When was the last time I told you how wonderful you are???? A bottle of water would be less conspicous then the beads…good idea! I will try that tea too - I like tea!
Math - I freak out with math - we will stay FAR away from that one (see my profile)…
People think it’s strange that I tend to joke a lot. It’s a nervous habit, people laughing aren’t as threatening as people who are focused on some specific thing. Because all of these people were strangers there weren’t any real expectations from anyone. Also you probably won’t see those people again. You might have been at ease giving blood. Verses the butterfly incident where you had a friend, everyone was looking at the butterfly on you and gathering around you, like you were on exhibit. Plus people watching you vs. people talking to you is a whole different ballpark, who knows what they’re thinking. That sort of thing makes me really uncomfortable. If it puts you at ease try applying a “I don’t owe you people” attitude and maybe you’ll find yourself more at ease? Alternately when I have to go to company functions, I find one person I have to “answer to” and just apply a I don’t owe you people **** to everyone else, and I can get through it. Lower your assumed expectations, like in introducing yourself, short and impersonal works best—”Hi, I’m not going to remember your name in 5 minutes but my name is Jade…”
My panic attacks vary, generally I get a feeling of dizziness, nausea, the room will appear darkened, loss of hearing, ringing in my ears, shortness of breath and in extreme situations dissociation (I don’t know where I am, who I am, the people I’m with, how I got there) it’s terrifying.
I am sorry this is getting you down. It’s only a problem when it starts to affect the things you want to do in life.
Most people are the same, don’t like to talk on stage, fear big groups of people ect but you just accept it and avoid those situations, but this can’t always work, as you say when you get forced into a situation you loose the thought of control and thats what really triggers the panic.
Some of you may be aware and some may not know that I came from a family of famous people, this includes my Aunt, mum, dad and 2 brothers, I am not one of them ,and for the simple fact that unlike them I hate the spotlight as you describe, it makes me cringe, I get all hot and sweaty, I say the wrong things and I panic so I know where you are comeing from with that. When I was younger I had no choice I got dragged along and shoved in front of cameras and people, maybe thats where my fear comes from, who knows.
I don’t have any advice to battle it completly but what helped me alot was control breathing, where you take time out and take deep breaths, breath in the nose and out the mouth and just concentrate on that for about 5-10 mins and nothing else, it does relax you and calm you down
Jade,
I can’t offer a whole lot of profound advice, I’m afraid, but have you considered that you might be boringly normal? (I realize that there are many different kinds of normal, which is why I think it might fit.) I have a few friends who hate the spotlight with a passion and it doesn’t seem too strange to me.
If you knew that you could hit the center ring every time you took a shot, would you feel as nervous going to the gun club? I think the butterfly example kind of proves my point…all eyes are on you, but you didn’t run, you didn’t scream, you didn’t faint. You got a firm grip on yourself and dealt with the situation.
Maybe I don’t really understand the intensity of your feelings, but I think you might have more intestinal fortitude than you think. When was the last time you received some positive reinforcement with how you dealt with center stage?
wow… someone who actually ‘gets’ it…Thanks Times… I feel a little less crazy!
You do explain it well - it’s one thing to have to talk another to be watched - that’s it in a nutshell. And its also very true about the strangers vs. getting to know people who may wind up as friends. The expectations piece of it.
Hey Emily - wow, I didn’t know that about you. I do the control breathing when I can…it depends on how fast and hard the panic attack hits me. It worked during the butterfly incident.
Gimli - the butterfly incident was worse than as I described - I felt rooted in fear, if not for the only thread to hold on to (my friend didn’t know/didn’t want to freak him out)..I would have run or passed out.
It doesn’t matter my skill level - that’s not the problem. I know where I stand with my level of experience, that doesn’t bother me. I love to learn so I take it in stride. It’s the actual meeting of people that causes the panic. It’s very hard to explain, I think many people have these feelings but the degrees are different. (Normal…What’s normal??? lol).
Postive reinforcement has always been lacking in my life - that’s a very long story and yes, it has a lot to do with my phobia (it is probably the foundation).
I don’t hide that part of my life but then I don’t gossip about it either lol, I am proud of my family and how well they have done etc but sometimes a “normal” family would be nice lol
I hope you find a way to beat this that suits you, and remember try not to let it control you ,if you want to do something then don’t let the panic stop you.
HI :-)
I suffer from anxiety as well but in my current “condition” my dr is unable to prescribe anything for it. My suggestion would be to ask your healthcare provider if he or she can prescribe a mild anti-anxiety medication for you especially if you have been like this for as long as you can remember. It may take a few tries to find the right med but it certainly would be worth it if it can help you. Good luck!
Thanks Azspen - keep me posted on that ‘current’ condition of yours!!!! count those fingers and toes!
I took a public speaking class in college and the first assignment was to figure out why we have a fear of speaking in front of a group. Most of us in the class had the fear. It took a while but I figured mine out. It was because of my first grade teacher. She like to humiliate us. Anyway, since then I have had the fear.
Do you know why you have this condition? Or is it something that you have always had?
Hi there Jade.
I hope this reply of mine can be of some help to you.
I also have agoraphobia, social anxiety and have had my share of panic attacks. It can be a crippling experience to go through. It’s nice to meet others on here who struggle with the same thing I do. At least I don’t feel all alone. It’s hard for me to talk about with others who don’t have it. I’d like to wake up one day and have it all gone away, but it doesn’t happen that way.
I think many of us who have this condition tend to get into comfort zones where we don’t want to step forward into uncomfortable situations. It’s seems easier to just avoid them and remain in a comfort zone. However, this doesn’t help cure the condition. It only places a warm security blanket over them.
Then there are others like yourself who just simply want out of it and be totally cured of it. There ARE people out there who have been cured of it, but part of the therapy includes having to face your fears head on, even if it causes some panic or embarrassment at times.
It’s kinda like a toddler taking his first steps. He may fall at times and prefer to keep crawling, but then he starts taking those steps (with some assistance) and then takes small baby steps until he is confident to keep on walking and repeating this every single day. Now the crawling is a thing of the past and he is now able to walk and even run.
Same with someone learning to drive for the first time and having to go out in the busy traffic. Everyone gets a bit nervous when driving for the first time, but most don’t give up. Instead they keep on driving and overcoming their fears and gaining confidence each time they take to the road. Now, the fear they once had is a thing of the past and they can easily get into a vehicle and drive with complete confidence.
Now, what if they had given into their fear of driving in the beginning?
They had to come to making a decision that would determine whether they would drive a vehicle or not. If they wanted to be able to drive a car or truck, they knew they would have to face their fear of driving and their fear of the road traffic in order to move forward with what they wanted to do.
You say that you want out of this thing and THAT is a good choice you are making.
This agoraphobia can be looked on as something like a huge mountain that you want to climb over and conquer in your life. Others have done it and I believe you can too, because you have the desire to want out of it.
If a person wants to conquer a huge mountain, they will have to face it head on and even be willing to accept some scrapes and bruises and some exhaustion that comes with it.
Same with agoraphobia and any other phobia or thing that holds people back.
It is NOT going to be easy to overcome it at first and yes there will be the fears and panics and embarrassments that will come along at times, but just tell yourself that you are going to conquer this thing, not matter what it takes.
Just take small baby steps to start with and you will gradually gain confidence and get better and better at it. You may not get a quick overnight cure, but you will be able to get out of it if you really really want to. You will have to take a step out of the comfort zone and face this thing head on.
When people see you struggling, just be honest with them and just tell them that you are in the process of overcoming this phobia and I’m sure most people will encourage you and want to cheer you on in conquering this giant in your life. Almost like the challenge of winning a game. If you lose one time, there will always be another chance to win and win again. Just don’t give up!
You have potential Jade. I admire that you want out of this thing completely.
I cheer you on in wanting to conquer this phobia in your life.
Jade, you might want to try valerian, it is an herb, and can be bought at walmart, for about 5.00. It is very calming, and you might want to find out what effect is has on you beforehand, and then if you like the effect, you could take one before an activity that is stressful. They are non habit forming and natural. They work good for sleep too…
Blessings…
Jade … I experience what you describe to some degree also. I would avoid people and crowds because I know I ’shut down’ from lack of confidence! I could call it fear. But I have definately learned it is LACK of SELF confidence.
I can be fine around people I am comfortable with. I can express myself without a problem and do it with ease. I can do it on the computer because none of you would recognize me if you saw me in public.
I can stand infront of a group of 40 or more students and teach because I am confident that I know my material. BUT … if a senior educator is there … I get nervous and then tend to ’shut down’, obviously this is not good when it is my job. So … I tell myself … these people I work for really DO have confidence in me that is why they invite me … I consciously choose to change my perception and spin the ‘evidence’ (if you will) to reinforce my SELF confidence.
I think this may be a ‘life lesson’ learning to self placate, learning to ‘love’ yourself, learning to connect to ‘your inner strength’.
You need to build your self confidence .. confidence is built by successes. Start consciously acknowledging all of your successes. Reinforce these regularly … this will, given time, increase your self confidence. Take OWNERSHIP of your successes .. make them YOURS … this IS self confidence. Intergrate them into your perception of yourself. Self talk, self talk, self talk … positive, and reinforced.
oh … the tunnel vision etc thing … I so know that !! I studied martial arts and had to spar … I REALLY became aware of how much I do this ’shut down/tunnel vision’ thing … forcing myself to continue to spar .. and to maintain my presence and acknowledging how much I was growing from putting myself in the sparring situation really really helped me to not shutting down when I feel I don’t have control. The sparring situation really simulates (rather intensely) the feelings of lack of control, fear and VULNERABLILITY. I think I became desensitized to the fear. I got ‘toughened up’ meaning I could feel the vulnerability and not lose control of myself by shutting down.
Now go study martial arts Jade and kick some butt! lol :) jk
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Grego - thanks it is nice to share with people who understand. I have been to several websites, and yes the end all be all answer to this is to push myself to get out there. Often it takes having someone nearby who understands what ‘could’ happen and be ok with dealing with the affects of a panic attack. I may have found the one person in my life who can do that…He and I talked about last night, and while he can’t understand it, he cares enough for me to want to get thru it. (there’s a first other than all the lovely people here who are so kind).
JK: once again you have hit the nail on the head - self confidence to a degree yes, but only in front of strangers. I used to kick box before blowing out my knees, loved that and actually taught the class at times. Actually trying to get back into that arena.
Silverwings - thanks, I will give it a try first to see the affects…don’t want to be handling guns and bows - half awake…Lol.
stars in the SKEYES
- Fourthings -
Richard cor de lyon
Sully
DoubleO
~LazyDaze
gimli
azspen
Grego
Silverwings
yours_dietcoke