life help: I was VERY badly bullied at school and my self esteem is still affected by it. - Help.com

thanks for replying. i feel people judge a lot but they don’t. its all subconscious. sometimes i wish i could go back in time and be happier but it was impossible then because people were so horrible to me. ok, i hadn;t looked great but before secondary i was comfortable.

kids at school were VERY insecure. you know in some typical american programs where there is a trampy geeky person who get crap from others? well, that was exactly how i was treated. i never put in the effort in my appearance much. school was a nightmare. i feel so much better talking about this because its been ruining my life so much.
school has ruined my life a lot.

but one thing i found was an amazing discovery is through school i saw people who i thought was good looking and were accepted by others. i asked them if they liked the way they looked and they said no. all that time i thought they were happy with themselves when they werent.

One girl was horrible and said stuff to me like, “am i pretty? am i pretty?” i said no because she was so horrible i cudn;t give a nice reply. she reacted shocked and said, “WELL, I LOOK BETTER THAN YOU, HA!”

itsending wrote:
This is terrible! It is not true, not everything is about looks. There are so many popular well off people that aren’t that attractive. It sounds like you’ve been living with a bunch of mean people.

they were mean, i hated school. i didn;t want to go at all. any day i had off was a complete bliss.

Gillian wrote:
Hi Florence..
looking at your picture I don’t understand how you could find yourself ugly. I myself have the ‘no lunch, cause the pants don’t fit’ days. I think every woman has.

I was bullied at school too. And was the only girl in school not to have a boyfriend.

I tried to change by losing weight and taking lots of pride in my apearance. This didn’t help me for long.
Only when I got to know myself. And kind of forgot what other people thought of me I started shining.

Maybe this you tube film wil make you feel a little better about the way you look.

http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=x8TFBeB…

Good luck.

Gillian, i became very emotional when i saw that video. thanks for sharing.

Oldfart wrote:
You have all my sympathy, I was bullied too.

Its good you have started to talk it out through therapy as this will help accept you are not the illtreated person the bullies made of you.

These bullies did what they did becuase believe it or not they seen you as a threat and gained their security from undermining yours.

You knew you were better all along but they will always be stuck on the plain looking for a victim to reassure themselves they are not week or shallow. (which they are of coarse or they would not be bullied)

I missed a lot of school and tried to avoid confrontation as I was mocked by nearly all the children (I had red hair and my mother was an invalid and these were the reasons they picked on me).

You are doing well now seeking proffesional help and speaking here amongst friends, you are taking the correct steps now to become a more rounded adult and the future looks bright for you.

As far as the bullies are concerned they will probably spend thier entire life looking for victims and by the time they realise their mistake it will be to late to do anything about it.

thanks oldfart. i think they did see me as a threat and did gain their security by undermining mine, very true.

Gillian wrote:
I hope you are inspired. :)

yes, i was very inspired. she’s an amazing person, i almost cried but didnlt quite.

nykhan2 wrote:
Florence hope you know that people who get bullied are the people who make the most out of themselves.

how do u mean?

IF people go round doing that to others they’re justpulling themselves down.
I feel better talking about this, it really had been digging in me so much.

i like ur friends comment out of the two.
If any random person called me ugly i would take it personally and upset i cudn’t please any1. there will be people for sure who will say bitter comments to me, its just their expectations high.
why shud i try to please those with high expectations?
I am young now, i get positive comments now and then but self esteem cannot be based on it. sometimes i get negative. i think that im better of being round older people who are happy with themselves are good healthy lot to know.

mind.fighe wrote:
Florence, I am so sorry to read your story.
The thing is, it reminds me of a guy in my school many years ago. He was for one reason or another (Im not sure if anybody can remember or explain now, or even then) considered gross and dirty. It grew to such an extent that nobody would touch him. And if they did, they would run and wipe their hand on someone as though they had touched a diseased person.
I joined the masses and now, about 20 years later, I feel very guilty. I feel guilty because of what that guy went through. But I feel more guilty because I did not think for myself and just followed mass hysteria.
Ive been thinking about looking the guy up and somehow opening the subject up and appologising to him on behalf of everyone. I wish I can do something to reverse the cruelty of children he suffered.
Florence, you look lovely in your pic. Take it from me, whoever taunts someone at school does it for ridiculous reasons. The problem is that it hurts so much. But trust me, the hurt is a result of actions that are manifestations of their weakness and insecurity.
All the best to you :)

I kind of know how it feels about feeling guilty. when i was at school i used to take out my brother bullying me as well, on my dad.
I look back feeling horrible. i wudnlt stay in the same room as him and wud keep my distance. also my mum was very sexist about men and i think i was scared of him. anyway, he died last year.
but just before he died we sort of made up after the many years and went to the zoo with him, just me and him. he died of instant heart attack.

I feel very upset now thinking bout it.

One thing is a problem I feel I have to look fine to be accepted rather than to be accepted for the way i am. that is one difficulty i will openly admit, thanku all for being so kind and understanding and responding to this post.
I used to feel too bad to talk about it because i thought people wud be horrible about it.

i think i guess i can recover and use the help i can get. people who bully wud be losing their self respect and wud have no control to heal the person they victimised if and when they look back.

true oldfart, we did not part on a bad word. in the first time in years i was gettin on better with him. ironic at such a time he left considerin how we were gettin on.

yes, i think ur true oldfart. i can sympathise. u found it difficult accepting how things went between u and ur mum? makes me think really, no parent lives forever. none of us do.
my and my mum havent been gettin on fine and recently she found out that theres a slight possibility she has cancer.
she received an urgent letter from the hospital saying she has to go in and the appointment had been moved forward.

well, my mum could be unwell.
my mum and my grandmother are pretty much whats left. others rip

thanku.
i hope u heal inside through ur difficult past. x

thanku hyperactiv3
that was a nice thing to say.

dormanchik2 wrote:
aww im so sorry people say that to me and im only in hiigh school .. and i feel like dieing ..but you are realy pretty

people can be so harsh and you don’t deserve to have people calling u ugly.
if they do it then i think that u need to have the courage in urself u can do better than those jerks. if they say it, walk off.
giving the message u don;t want to talk to them wud be a powerful one.

yeah, the replies are good.

yeh, unfortunetly that happens in life, people say stuff. it happens to EVERYONE.
The best thing to do is ignore these people and not talk to them, and put ur time and energy into those who are decent and mature.