Love Heartbreak Girlfriend X help: Girl Problems - Help.com

let it go, if it is meant to happen again, you supporting her as a friend and not constantly bringing up a painfull memory, will help.
dont pressure her, and she will become more comfortable with you, again.

Sounds like this girl is leading you on. You need to set some boundaries for this relationship or you will end up being played and having your heart broken.

First of all, you need to know for sure where you stand with her. Are you friends or more? Also, if you aren’t engaged, TAKE THE RING BACK!!!! How does she think she can wear an engagement ring from someone who she isn’t even dating???? She seems to want her cake and eat it too. Don’t let her do this to you. She is manipulating you and you seem to be falling right into her manipulative trap. Please don’t be one of those daft guys who just dumbly follows along. Stand up for yourself!

Thanks for the advice, I’m already trying to keep my distance from her but shes always around! I’ve taken up new hobbies and am trying to get over her but it dosen’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.

That is a hard thing to do, especially if you haven’t met another girl, or you are holding out hope that this girl will work out for you. The hobbies idea is a great one and I recommend that you continue to pursue those. Also, why is she always around? Maybe you should try a little harder to keep away from her. Also, that talk really needs to happen.

Shes always around because shes on my course at Uni, i see her everyday and theres no way of avoiding it.

Well i had a chat with her the other night, for once she didnt run off and we got alot of stuff sorted out, i still love her but apparently shes hung up on a guy she met while she was away, hes messing her about too which i really hate. I dunno, im trying to get over her but shes amazing lol, i guess if it will be it will be.

Thanks for all the help

Sigh. Love truly is blind! It is amazing that you can be so head over heels for a girl that likes another guy!

It is….Blind and very very annoying….but it is what it is and no one can change it…

Just an update, im feeling much better about all this now, i still love her (dumb i know) but ive taken time to distance myself from her which hasn’t been easy (especially when she calls so **** much). Theres been a couple of weird moments when shes called me in tears but i think it was just to try and use me as an emotinal cruch!!!!

But yeah, sticking it out, surely theres someone out there who will really appreciate me!

Good for you Johno!!! I know the advice I give is sometimes easier said than done, but you are being strong and doing the best thing for you. The pain of having someone use and abuse you is worse, and you WILL find someone that loves you truly and who respects you and who wants to be with you all the time and no one else. She will be very sorry when she sees that you have moved on and she can no longer manipulate you. Best of luck, and thanks for the updates, keep ‘em coming as things progress!

try and stop me silent, i think the hardest part is actually accepting that she doesn’t feel the same way, theres always those nagging doubts in the back of your mind telling you that someday she’ll wake up and wonder why she was so stupid.

But your right, im looking it as a make or break me kinda thing, i decided id rather be made than broken lol

Well, she may wake up one day and feel that way, but I think that if you wait around for this to happen (and there is really no guarantee that it actually will)you will be missing out on all the things (and relationships) life has to offer. Pining away for someone really stops you from enjoying all the other things that are good in life.

Plus, it is highly unlikely she will have this revelation while you are still her puppy dog. Why would she ever commit to you when she knows that she doesn’t have to? A loyal guy who buys me diamond rings and jumps at my every wish, and be able to see other men??? Where do you live??? Just teasing you. But, you seem like you are moving towards some realization which is great. Come back to this post whenever you feel weak.

P.S. Why don’t you have an avatar?

Re: the Avatar
i like the J, its cool, besides i wouldn’t know what to choose!
Re: weakness
I will do thanks Silent :)

I’m feeling weak! finally got through Christmas, its her birthday today and i sent her an E-card (sent it a few months ago but had no idea how to stop it!) Ive not heard from her since i called her and she was crying. I’m missing her like crazy, can’t sleep!

I dunno what to do, i guess she really doesn’t care anymore since shes not even said anything to me in 3 weeks, so i know i’m being stupid but those stupid nagging feelings that i can win her back somehow just wont go away!

I just don’t see how i can forget about her…

Hey dude
Sorry I have been sorta MIA lately. I am not around my house around this time of year. Hope you held strong during your time of weakness. I know how hard this must be for you, especially since you have no real closure from her. Have you actually talked to her about all this? I think that may be a good way to try and start to move on. What did she say when you spoke to her on the phone?

heya Silent its fine, well she called me up when her computer died and she lost all her Uni work that was due to be handed in, she then sent me a pretty nasty text after i explained why i had to walk out of a room full of my mates. So she wasn’t too impressed, i called her up and she was crying and then hung up on me! so i called her back after a few minutes and managed to get her to calm down. Last i heard was a text she sent me saying not to worry about her because I’m not her problem anymore, and happy Xmas.

Thats the last I’ve heard or seen from her in the last 3 weeks, but i did send her a birthday card. I wish i could say that i don’t think about her as much but i still think about her everyday.

I did try and talk to her about it once, but she never really gives me a real answer, same old it just didn’t work or i don’t think it would work and she doesn’t love me anymore.

p.s i have a letter i need to give her, which has been getting me worried. She needs it its important (diving card!) so i have to give it to her just i dunno how without being a jerk, if i act friendly i know she will try and talk to me as friends again and i can’t handle that!

Anyhow long post bearing my soul! thanks silent your a real help!

Wow, a lot has happend! Well, I hope that things work out. What I cannot understand is why she calls you crying when she has a problem if she doesn’t want to be with you? Maybe she still values your friendship and wants to be friends with you. Perhaps take her the diving card (what is that anyway?) and tell her that you would like to be friends. Why can’t you handle being friends? Is it just too early? This problem is much harder because you are around her often. Usually it is a lot easier to get over someone when they aren’t in your face all the time but it seems you will have to give it your best shot. The options that you have available to you right now are casual friendship with her or nothing, so I guess it is up to you. Hang in there and always feel free to write long soul bearing posts, it makes you feel better!

Well i think i owe you a little update since you’ve helped me through so much of this.

I found out about a week ago that She has been seeing someone else for a while now, i didn’t take it as badly as i thought i would. Don’t get me wrong it hurt and i still do love her to bits. But i think I’m finally ready to try and be friends with her. She knows i will always love her, so ill let her see what shes missing and she can do the chasing if she decides on it.

We talk openly on MSN like old times, but she doesn’t talk to me much person anymore, only when i initiate the conversation.

I’d give anything to get inside that head of hers.

That is quite a blow, but glad that you aren’t suffering too much. It seems like she is moving on, and I guess this is your cue to do that as well. Great that you can talk to her on MSN and be friends. I wish you all the best in finding the person who is right for you!

Every part of me still says to never give up on her, but i decided I’m defiantly going to get out there and find a new girl.

I just want to thank you for being here when i needed to vent. I’m glad your stayed on Help :)

No problem! Any time!

Well she doesn’t talk to me at all anymore….

Women, all a nightmare!

No, some women are great, you just found a really terrible one! Try to keep your chin up Johno! A great girl will come along one day. Don’t turn into a bitter dude or she has won!

I think she won a long time ago.

Just so you know, i’m smiling as i wrote that! God knows why!

No!!! She hasn’t won!!! Stop thinking like that!!! Everyone has a story of being hurt by love, but they always come through. Don’t let another person control your life. You can’t help how you feel, but you can help a lot of other things like how you deal with pain. Again, I know it is easier said than done, but I am your little pep talk fairy! So, when you feel like you need one, you know where to go! Also, try not to give up hope. You will be happy again, believe me!!! What are you going to do this weekend? Why not go out with some friends and just have a good time? Forget your problems!

because i spent all my money on a knees up in town on wed and my head still hurts. I’m doing fine tho, just those occasional downers!

In Fact i think i’m off out to do some Kite Land boarding….been a while but the weathers looking promising!

Cool! What is kite land boarding?

Its something along the lines of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_NX7x…

Update for ya Silent, Talked to her briefly the other day, meeting up for coffee on Monday to catch up. Id rather have her as a friend after all than not at all plus theres no way i can get her back if im not in her life lol.

Meeting for coffee? Good if you really can be friends, but is this going to potentially be really painful for you? Hearing about her new BF, seeing her again knowing you will never be together? Think it over. Maybe a clean break is what you need?

I dunno, sometimes i think it would be a good idea other times a bad idea.

maybe im just being selfish and a bit of me wants to make her new BF jealous….i dunno.

Think i might put it on hold since i don’t know much when i look a lil deeper.

Good thing you seem to be in touch with reality! Hope the meeting goes well!

I wish i was in touch with reality, but i dont think there is any anymore lol

I’m feeling rather happy, Shes just added a load of pictures to face book of her at a 21st and she looks rather bad in all of them. Could i be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?

god i hope so :P

I have the biggest smile on my face ever, What have i been thinking for the last 3 years!!! Its like the biggest weight off my shoulders ever, i don’t think ill be pining over her ever again.

Thanks Silent ;)

So great to hear this!!! See? you didn’t end up with her, but now you have someone to make fun of! Would you be comfortable being Facebook friends? I know this site is supposed to be sorta anonymous, but we have been chatting so long, I am curious as to how you look! If this isn’t cool that is ok and we can continue to be Help.com friends. Have a great weekend!

Bloody hell, she still breaks my heart when i see her walking home alone or looking all miserable in lectures. As for that coffee i ended up telling her that i couldn’t make it, and she actually contacted me on the following Wednesday asking if i wanted to go for lunch/coffee (i declined again). Last i saw of her was about 30mins ago walking home all alone looking very miserable, she asked me for one of her books back which i gave her, all she did was gimmie a thumbs up and try and fake a smile lol.

I feel for her i really do, i have no idea why she looks so down but i will always care about her and she deserves to be happy.

Anyhow just another update :)

i cant quite work out if i am really over her or not…weird feeling

ok this is comming from a girl who has been there done that as far as ur ex goes, except i didn’t keep the ring that’s just totally walking all over you. You’rre her safty net, if this thing with the ova guy doesn’t work out, she’ll come back to u and use u for a rebound shag and then go and get some other guy who she’ll be really happy with, she might even string u along as her safty ne for the first 3 months of that realtionship. so it all depends on how ur happy to let her treat u

I guess when you see her, you can’t help but remember the good times you had with her. Also, since you care about her you still feel sad when she is looking down. You may still be in love with her, but sometimes the people you are in love with are not always the best people for you. If they break up with you, treat you badly, or are just really bad people it is best to try to meet someone else or you will just be miserable forever. You may also end up hating them eventually. Don’t ever doubt that you are doing the right thing by staying away from her.

hmmmm well, both their relationship status’s vanished from facebook today, i don’t know if they have broken up of anything but that could explain why she was looking so miserable.

Your right i do keep telling myself that I’m doing the right thing and heading away for a reason, but i do doubt an awful lot. If she does come sniffing, theres no way id jump right in, i just don’t trust her anymore. Lets just hope she stays away simpler for both of us….

god i need to stop coming here, should open myself a blog up or something!

*rant* i hate women…shes been waiting for me after lectures to try and talk to me, messaging me on msn asking me what im up to later, shes doing my nut in….. what the hell do i do!

Do i ignore her and pretend i don’t care at all or what!!!!

*end rant*

She turned up on my doorstep today, drunk and looking like shed had a good cry. Said she wanted to come see Ash (our pet rat) but i refused and told her i didn’t think it was a good idea….When my flatmate said it was her at the door i thought he was kidding about, but nope.

She said things have been awkward between us for a while now and she didn’t really want to come round, but wanted to see ash…anyhow i basically turned her away and she didn’t look very happy.

I wish i didn’t care about her, prob the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was turn her away. Now I’m here wondering if i should have let her in, and what she would have said if i did.

I know shes just broke up with her “new BF” but i really don’t know anymore.

I Do still care about her, maybe even love her but every time i see her it hurts, every time she tries to get back in my life it hurts, its like a slap in the face that she only wants to be friends.

I dunno, i hate seeing her down and now i’m pretty sure i just made her feel a bit more down.

Turning her away was the right thing to do. It sounds like you two need some breathing space. Let the dust settle, gather your thoughts and get all your ducks flying in a straight line. Don’t feel guilty about this it’s ok.

Yes, you did the right thing. Don’t invite drama into your life, which is this girl’s middle name. She seems super confused and very immature and a waste of your time. Next time you should tell her to stop contacting you.

Update: She spoke to me on MSN a while back, and i blew up at her and had a right ol rage at her for turning up drunk. It ended with her telling me not to contact her again and she hopes all the best for me in the future.

Not spoke to her for 3 weeks, i still feel a bit down every now and then i do miss having her in my life. But i’m a hell of a lot happier in myself now. Thanks for the help tho girls, especially u Silent ;)

ill keep you updated if i have any more skirmishes however i hope this is the last one for a while.

Cool. I am glad I could be of help.

Well Well, Thought i might give yall an update.

Went for coffee with “Her” the other night got on well everything seems to be going ok. She told me shes leaving to go to Thailand next month and wont be back for a few years which sucks since were getting on now.

oh and i ended up in bed with her last night after we spent the day picking out suits and stuff….

weird situation lol, i know im not doing myself any favors but i promised to keep you in the loop ;)

Wow, what an update! At least now that she is leaving you can move on easier.

lol i don’t really think ill be able to move on, ive been seeing a few girls and i cant shake the waay i feel about her, i think maybe in a few years im going to go find her and sweep her offf her feet. in the mean time who knows ;)

Update: Where to begin, She ended up coming back from her travels after everything fell apart and stayed with me for 3 weeks while she got on her feet. Its weird she says sometimes she really wants me then othertimes she dosent at all and dosent undertstand it.

She got her own flat about 2 weeks ago and already has a new “Guy” so i dunno what to do again. Remain friends and hope that things work out or just cut and run for good this time. I’m tired of not knowing whats going on, all i know is that i really do love this girl.