Family help: How do you tell someone that they should be cautious about getting engaged? - Help.com

3 WEEKS??? let me tell you my story.. maybe it will help you….

i met my exhusband.. yes thats what i said… on october 14th, 1994.. engaged november 24th 1994 and married january 30th 1995.. he was the best thing that ever happened to me… he was everything from passionate.. to romantic to honest and loving… he was everything…. he even took in my 2 daughters as his own… about 2 months of being married.. i found out i was pregnant for my son… everything was great… then the marriage papers came in the mail.. that is when things started down hill… the man i loved.. the man i thought i knew.. was not what he seemed at all… the marriage license in his mind.. showed ownership… he started to call me names.. putting me down.. the control got so bad that my family seemed to be slipping away.. because i would not be able to go anywhere… my friends… they too were gone… not allowed… into the marriage.. it got even worse.. the beatings.. the emotional abuse… the prisoner in which i became… if you would like more to my story… please click on this link… www.myspace.com/missing_my_children yes.. that is what i said.. missing my children… i have lost my children because of all of this… because i was abused for ten years by this jerk… the point of my story is this…. 3 weeks is not enough to know anyone… even in my case.. it took about 2 years before his real true self came out….. and by then.. my self awareness was over flowing with all the “truths” in which he made me believe about myself.. so i was not able to see that what was happening was wrong… i wish you luck…

I feel for you.. my sis (her mom of course) has a long history of very abusive relationships. My sis even got into criminal trouble due to one of her ex’s. Though that is all clear now and she has been leading a better life, my niece knows all of this! She knows to be weary and careful and cautious. Well, so I thought! I know that learning to know someone takes many many years, and as in my case it was after a full year that I started to see my own relationship wasn’t going to work. Thankfully my ex and I are on very good terms and are best friends, but it is just crazy! I am so worried as my niece and I are the closest people in the world! We know everything about each other and lookout for each other. The last thing I want to do is tell her how to run her life, but every inch of me is feeling like this is going to be a massive mistake!

maybe by having her look at my myspace account and reading this story… and if she herself wants to know more about what horrible things happened.. i can certainately tell her… after leaving the ex husband.. about a year later… i started dating again… and i met a guy who seemed soooo perfect and we would talk and see each other every day… i moved in with him… he knew of my situation … with the ex husband… and he made a promise to my family and to myself that he would never hurt me.. and would only show me the upmost respect.. after about 3 months of living with him… it too started again.. this time.. after i received a broken nose.. and broken foot and him stealing 30 grand from me…. i got smart and got out… it didnt take me ten years.. however it happened again… i am lucky… i have found a guy that i have been with for about 7 months now.. who does treat me like a princess… and so far… i have not seen any of these actions… and even his ex wife has told me that he is not abusive… i will always have these fears and will always be on the look out.. sad thing is… i believe i have been ruined to be truely happy because of these fears… i am truely hoping that by me telling my stories… she will understand… not to rush into it….. because she has no idea what she may be getting into…

Well maybe you should just sit her down and talk with her… 3 weeks is not long enough to find out if you want to commit to someone… she needs way more time… if she won’t listen then maybe she just has to make her own mistake and learn from it… however unfortunate that is…

Seriously think what your saying is true ,there should be no rush and they are moving wayyyyy tooo fast especially if they were friends from childhood.just sit her down and tell her you know she’s an adult and she is capable of making her own dicisions but you dont want her to get hurt explain your story and show her britney’s story and make her know that ,thats the end product of the pace there going and your just concerned .just explain exactly how you feel about the matter just the two of you ,if she doesnt listen get movies that shows such acts or get some family member who she respects to help you discourage her from such act.Tell her you love her whatever dicision she makes but you just dont want her to get hurt in any way because you’ve been there and you don’t want her to experience that.

I mean “if they wre not friends from childhood”.

Thanks for all of your help. I did try to talk her down from the get-go. To no avail. They ended up at city hall this morning at 5:30am. Now a married woman. I guess all I can do now is wish her well and be there to pick up any pieces that fall.

oh my goodness… no way… well.. thankfully she has someone who loves her and will be there to help her when she falls… i wish them the best of luck and may she find that what she sees is what she really gets… down the road.