What I’m working on lately…
My friends here know that I kinda fell off the face of the earth recently. And by the face of the earth, I mean the help.com website, of course. I have really been trying to spend a lot more time outside the house, having real and meaningful experiences with people in person. Internet interaction is wonderful, and I love everyone I’ve met here, but I was starving for real-life human interaction. That, coupled with fluctuations in my job (we got a lot busier once the play season started, and most days I wasn’t able to spend any time online), is why I have not been around much.
This is not an “I’m back” post, but it’s not an “I’m leaving” post either. I can’t be as cut and dried as that. Life drives us here, or away from here, as needed. I am probably going to be here more than I have been for the past month, but not nearly as much as I was when I first needed help.
So…as for what I’ve been working on lately….
I have been hanging out with the cuddle buddy on an increasingly regular basis, although neither of us is ready for a commitment. It is a very strange position for me. Sometimes I want so badly to be his “girlfriend” and it feels like I already am a lot of the time. But I know it’s a bad idea right now.
Recently I had a crisis about it and began thinking that I should just break it off and be by myself for awhile, since that was kind of the plan originally. My sister and my friend Adam agreed — but to be fair, he has a crush on me, and she wants me to spend all my time with her (literally, I was constantly with her before I started hanging out with this guy. I haven’t ditched her, but I don’t spend as much time with her as I used to).
I don’t believe I’m going to magically solve my problems by being alone. This past week I did make the decision to avoid ditching people for him, and I stuck with it. I worked on changing my mindset so that I am a lot less inclined to take things in a more serious direction. I have been working on the unhealthy urges that arise from having a guy in my life, instead of cutting guys out of my life altogether. I’m evaluating the things that I want out of myself, my partner, and out of life in general…and I think spending time with him is helping me do that much better than I would have on my own. I may be wrong, I don’t know. I may be deluding myself simply to justify doing something I want to do.
What do you think?
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Since writing this post crestfallen may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. crestfallen is a verified member, has been around for 2 years, 4 months and has 12 posts and 526 replies to their name.
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