Love help: i’m in love with a guy who is clinically depressed. - Help.com

stick with it, he’ll come around.

try reading up and learning about the illness, it may help you deal with him and help him,

How about being friends. Let him know that regardless, you are there. I know women who are married to clinically depressed men and they have fulfilling happy lives. Encourage him to get help to work through his emotional issues.

Good luck. The only REAL direction I would give you is, don’t abandon him. Be a friend.

Sorry guys, I disagree. If the two of you have just started to date then you should probably end it unless he is willing to admit he has a problem and is actively seeking help for it. My father is clinically depressed and it caused years of heartache and drama for my mom. People who are depressed go between days or even weeks where they are totally happy and fun and almost too cheery and then they crash and have weeks of moodiness, sleep all day (my dad did this and actually lost many jobs because he refused to seek help.) and cannot function normally in day to day life. My point is that if he isn’t willing to get some help you could be in for a long hard life with someone who is totally unpredictable and it is really hard. If he is willing to get help, stick by him and support him. Best of luck hon!

I’m depressed and my boyfriend is a huge help in my life. Luckily, before we started dating I was getting treatment, and still am. We’ve been together for 2.5 years. It makes the relationship so difficult, and sometimes I wish I could just tell him to just keep me on hold while I sorted things out, but he really has the ability to love me through it all. As long as he isn’t abusive to you in any way, at all, it’s ok to take the risk. Don’t feel like you have to date him to be his happiness, that won’t be good for either one of you, but if he still makes you happy through it all, it could really be worth it.

Some of the wisest words I ever heard were from my sister…..”You can’t help who you love, you just do, and you have to deal with it as best you can.”

Be wary.

I have a good friend who was depressed for a long time–four years, to be precise. It’s not pretty, and if you are looking to get something out of the relationship during that time you can pretty well forget it.

On the other hand, if you love the guy enough to give rather than receive, then you could be instrumental in getting him through it.

Choose wisely…

Silentsigh wrote:
Sorry guys, I disagree. If the two of you have just started to date then you should probably end it unless he is willing to admit he has a problem and is actively seeking help for it. My father is clinically depressed and it caused years of heartache and drama for my mom. People who are depressed go between days or even weeks where they are totally happy and fun and almost too cheery and then they crash and have weeks of moodiness, sleep all day (my dad did this and actually lost many jobs because he refused to seek help.) and cannot function normally in day to day life. My point is that if he isn’t willing to get some help you could be in for a long hard life with someone who is totally unpredictable and it is really hard. If he is willing to get help, stick by him and support him. Best of luck hon!

I TOTALY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT… i suffer from clinical depression… however i have sought help for it… even though the medication does not take the depression away.. it does help me deal with day to day life…

first off…. infatuation looks a hell of a lot like love to the imperfect human eye… i’d be a heck of a lot more careful about throwing that word around unless its meaning is as frail as its reality… but if you really care about him… well understanding is one thing the depressed always seek… beyond that though… a strong sense of guidance and self healing is what the depressed need… you can’t make him not be depressed… but you can help him change himself… the will to heal is the most important factor though… depression can feel like a cold and dark room… you need to first find the door… then pick its locks and rip the **** thing off its hinges… and the hardest part will be finding the strength to take the first steps out into the light….

so if he cares… about you… or anything… or even if he could but can’t seem to get a hold of it… then you’d have to find that first… without a reason to change there isn’t any start you can really instigate… so first things first… find out if he is capable of caring for you and himself enough to even try doing anything about it… if not… its likely that he’ll never make the first steps… and its a long process… overnight changes are not to be accepted as pluasable, or real at all.. there’ll be false signs of improvement… but turning what little strengths you can gain in those times will help bring about real improvement when it reverts back to the dark empty room…

and the biggest advice i have for you… if he’s going to say locked in that room… make sure you don’t allow yourself to get locked in with him… he’s got his own pair of strong legs, its time to use em or lose him.

oh yeah… don’t give him any promises of being there for him no matter what… you have no idea what your breaking point is, and when he’ll manage to reach it if you let him… and if it does get to that point… all those lovely little promises of help and hope will become his greatest downfalls when he reaches that point… also the knowledge of his problem not being a problem for you, is a huge problem… his act getting together first is a bad setup of priorities… he’s got one good thing going for him it seems and that is you… if he knows he won’t lose that then he’s got nothing to lose by not trying… so make sure he knows that without change, and without it starting now, you can’t make any promises that you’ll be there even by the time next Wednesday rolls around.

and neither is leaving someone without giving them any warning or choice in the matter of being able to change to prevent it…

I am very torn by your remarks name with no face. I just don’t know how I feel about your responses. I know finding your way out of depression is not easy, it is a process and it takes time and effort on the part of the individual. Depression is VERY individual. Some depressed folk may still have reserve to give back to others … it is not always the extreme that you describe so eloquently. Though I do agree that one must be motivated from inside … still being alone is a source of darkness and can stimulate depression in anyone. It is a fine line and a delicate dance.

The question is does she want to partake in the dance with this man? There is always something, some source of challenge in every relationship … this may be one she can bear. Again, I know women who are married to men with these problems, one takes her husband to ECT every week, keeps him functional. Another talks to her severely OCD husband regularly while at work (yes, it’s okay) and supports him through his challenging periods, gives him direction. He trusts her love and caring. These relationships may see bizzare to some … but, hey some women live with adultrists, others marry murderers in prison, omg … some stay with their husband who has molested their child and neighbor children … go figure … I suppose everyone needs love eh?

If you havent been dating for long I would cut your losses and run now. Seems harsh, I know, but if he is moody, depressed, withdrawn, unemployed and sleeps all the time, what are YOU getting from this relationship? You arent his therapist.

sherryn wrote:
If you havent been dating for long I would cut your losses and run now. Seems harsh, I know, but if he is moody, depressed, withdrawn, unemployed and sleeps all the time, what are YOU getting from this relationship? You arent his therapist.

clinical depressed people have a disorder… its not their fault… i suffer too.. and im still a person who has feelings… he needs to seek help.. professional help… please do not judge us who have this disorder..

Okay, now what would I do … I wouldn’t hang around in a romantic sense. I have too much to do and know that I could not heal nor have the patience to love unconditionally this man in a romantic sense. I would however remain his friend. I would definately establish clear boundaries.

Oh, I feel horrible saying that. But, it is the truth. ugh … at least I am not kidding myself.

brightshine wrote:
Okay, now what would I do … I wouldn’t hang around in a romantic sense. I have too much to do and know that I could not heal nor have the patience to love unconditionally this man in a romantic sense. I would however remain his friend. I would definately establish clear boundaries.

Oh, I feel horrible saying that. But, it is the truth. ugh … at least I am not kidding myself.

but we are normal people… if treated with the right medication… we are normal.. we (well i) have had a tramatic past… and it has a way of creeping up on us with out us even knowing about it… it affects our emotions… as for sleeping.. it is a way to escape… escape the issue at the moment… with medication and the right treatment… it helps us deal with those little pesky emotions that are uncontrolable at that moment… if he seeks the right help… he can become the person that she once fell in love with..

Im not judging at all……… far from it. I also have clinical depression. I know it is all that I can manage to get out of bed and function on a basic level. I sleep all the time, I dont socialise much, I avoid phone calls, and I know I couldnt contribute to a relationship.

I know I have bouts of situational depression. I know being in love with someone who is would cause me to become depressed. I recognize this. I hope you realize that I understand, I have been traumatized as well, I have those emotions too. I have recognized what takes my energy and where I get energy. I make choices to do things that bring energy to me. I choose relationships that reciporcate.

As I mentioned earlier, some people who are depressed can give also. But, it takes alot to support someone who is like a black hole. I WAS A BLACK HOLE. I am not any more. I found the door, pulled it off the hinges, ripped it apart, pulled it off the **** frame again, when somehow it made it back up there … then I figured out how to get through the quagmire and how to breath when submerged within the merky quagmire … It is WORK. IT is challenging. I have done mine … I want lightness now …. It is much better!

im definitely not saying that she shouldn’t leave him… but immediately? no give him a last chance… heck even time frame it in your mind… but last chance means just that… the last… one… after that its over… for sure… theres no ‘well it was kind of working before he went back to it…’ nope… i think that nobody should have to lose something without the knowledge that they can lose it becuase of their actions… if you’ve ever been caught speeding on a road where some local kids took the only speed sign you’ll know what i mean… but once all consequences are know… they’ve only got themselves to blame if they don’t do something about it…

to be in a relationship like that is not good
(i think)

glicher2 wrote:
to be in a relationship like that is not good
(i think)

well being that im clinicaly depressed.. im greatful that what everyone in my past has put me through hasnt made everyone give up on me…. thank god… because i have no idea if i would be here if they did…

i myself have clinical depression. i know how hard it is on a relationship. in fact it causes problems in mine frequently. but i do have to say that although i push him away sometimes, my boyfriend is my lifeline. he is so important to me and it means a lot that he sticks by me. i dont know if this helps but it means a lot when those u care about stick by you.