Money help: So, I finally found THE best man i could ask for. - Help.com

it seems obvious that he’s probably abusing painkillers again and he needs the money to support his addiction.

maybe you could get into contact with his counseling program and see if there is something that can be done? otherwise, how about getting in touch with other people that he cares about like family & friends and have everyone address the problem together ?

The best way to start is to just ask him about it. If you don’t have communication you don’t have anything. Assure him youre asking in a nonthreatening way, something like “You know I love you and I want to help you if there is any problem you have related to money,” or something like that. As long as he knows (and you cant pretend or hide it) that you’re not angry but coming to him out of a partner in life wanting to be there for him, then we will open up and you can work through it together.
But talking about him behind his back before asking him already suggests you trust him very little, so he’s much less likely to be honest with you. It’s more likely he knows you don’t trust him than he is ‘immature.’ You have to be a PARTNER in life, not a policeman, mother, or anything else for that matter.

also, if he cant kick the the habit and continues stealing from you, then you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want around you and your children.

good luck to you, i gotta fly..

I think you should be strait with him and remind him that you need him, and ever since he has entered your life things have been getting much better and you would never want him to leave and you care about him very much, but ask him what happened to the 50 dollers, and if he is abusing again, he has more of a family for support and knows where he needs to go to get help this time, and tell him it should be eaiser than ever this time

An addict is a personality trait. It is very common for one addiction to be substituted for another. If he were back on drugs I think you’d know it. Painkillers would explain a foggy forgetfulness, but they also tend to you tired and sleepy. Have you noticed this? Also, if he’s on opiate blocking meds, wouldn’t that make him REALLY sick to be taking pain killers?

He could have picked up gambling in place of painkillers. It actually could be anything, and his own embarrassment of course would keep him from talking to you about it.

I think since your communication is good then talk with him. Let him know your concerns about the missing money and how it’s put the family into a bind. BUT Let him know while the money is important, it’s not the end of the world, and you are more concerned for HIM! Ask him if he’s ok, if there is anything he’s like to talk about. Tell him you noticed his forgetfulness and ask him if is ok.

You may not get very far in this first conversation, denial can be very big in addicts, but at least you began something, you’ve given him a loving, caring, opening.
Bright blessings ~ Richard
ps…. feel free to give me a shout anytime or email me off my website.
http://www.angelfire.com/realm2/hrp/I…

thisis difficult, my next door neighbor had an addicted husband, now they are divorcing, she just could not take anymore,,, but the proplem is they are not all alike. He could have ’stolen it intentional, or he could have taken it thinking he would get it back to you. On the safe side… remove temptation, recovering addicts are still acdicts, if you want to remain with him, do you and he a favor. Absolutely do not have money, credit cards, debit cards around him. keep all valuables away…start a campaign of ‘having no money always’ he will be angry, but finacially you won’t get hurt. do not buy gifts ‘that can come up missing’.. my neighbor ended up $50,000 in the whole, if he needs help, let him get it, not you for him… it does not work.. I hope this is helpful, he sounds like a good guy if given the right tools to deal with his propblem

sorry for all typos crystalina, this is difficult, my next door neighbor had an addicted husband, now they are divorcing, she just could not take anymore,,, but the problem is they are not all alike. He could have ’stolen it intentional, or he could have taken it thinking he would get it back to you. On the safe side… remove temptation, recovering addicts are still acdicts, if you want to remain with him, do you and he a favor. Absolutely do not have money, credit cards, debit cards around him. keep all valuables away…start a campaign of ‘having no money always’ he will be angry, but finacially you won’t get hurt. do not buy gifts ‘that can come up missing’.. my neighbor ended up $50,000 in the whole, if he needs help, let him get it, not you for him… it does not work.. I hope this is helpful, he sounds like a good guy if given the right tools to deal with his problem

Rebbetzin Jungreis, matchmaker, in her book “Life is a Test” wrote that when TV personality told her she wanted someone handsome, smart, rich, with a great personality, and a tennis player, she replied that 5 X 0 is 0. That there has to be a numeral in font of every attribute (a good heart) for anything to mean anything. If he doesn’t have that you will come to hate his looks, he’ll use is smarts to hurt you, his wealth to manipulate you, his personality will overwhelm yours, and as to tennis, those things are minor- you can allways get him lessons. When I met my late wife she told me I was probably not smart enough or rich enough for her. My friends told me to drop her for saying that, but I loved it- honesty is a rare and high priority quality. (A lot of people think that way but few will be openhanded enough to empower you to react). If a person is honest they can’t do anything wrong when you are not there because they know they will be ashamed when they tell you later. The only kind of recovering addict I would consider for someone I knew would be someone locked into some kind of program like 12-step stuff. They say you need four things to change- faith that you can do it, a strong desire to change, a program or system for change like NA or whatever, and I forget the fourth thing, but I think it is a positive feedback or reward system to measure growth / or if you are a built a bit different, some sort of punishment or accountability process…So there is nothing wrong with room to grow, but someone sent me the anonymous quote “men date women they hope will never change and they allways do, and women date men they hope will change and they never do.” Without a lot of stuff in place you he will not change and you may be seeing the tip of a dark iceberg. 4% or one in 25 people in America are soceopaths, and in the ex-addict community it is probably much higher. There are five types, like the abrasive type which no one likes but also the vindictive type who everyone calls, “the greatest person in the world”. They can charm better than you or I because they don’t have a conscience telling them it is wrong to just tell you whatever it is you want to hear and pretend to be whatever they think you want them to be. You might test this by pretending to be excited about something random and see if they turn out to be an expert on that…what a coincidence…In any case, I highly recommend the book “The Soceopath Next Door”, which helps you identify, protect yourself from and repair emotional damage from these people who (I want to say Barbara kruger) says lack not just a conscience but “the seventh sense…the ability to love.” Most people who would go in your wallet just have a common personality disorder (they believe what’s yours is theirs and blame others for their problems). What I tell people is by martyring yourself by tolerating someone with lower moral standards you are not doing good, but giving us a bad wrap and cheating someone out there with higher moral standards of finding someone worthy of them (you). Have him do a free online enneagram test 9types.com (type sevens often have addictions, hopefully positive ones like running) or a free myers-briggs at personalitypage.com or typelogic.com would be good and I wouldn’t trust anyone not willing to take such tests. These will tell you both his weaknesses and his compatability with your type. There is a very good white,red,yellow, blue type test but I don’t know where to find it and a more simlistic blue, green, gold, orange “true colors” test (truecolors.com? that is quick- excellent parents should be gold and blue, not orange and green. Also, remember that 80% of what kids learn is what they see him do, so he can say “be honest” all he wants- if they see him taking money from your wallet or lieing about their age when buying tickets, they will learn that that kind of stuff is okay.