life help: The Five “A’s”; everybody wants them, everybody needs them. - Help.com

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Love it! way to go richard!

the one of the five “A”s i must talk about is..Attention.
Just tonite, i was talking to a wonderful new friend..sharing stories, getting to knw each other better..when i realized,as i skimmed this post, that not only was i reading this post, but i was also,..(gasp) in the chat room at help..

How can i really be listening to my friend, if i am not really listening…?

I closed the chat window, and made a point to ask her to repeat what she had just said..and then..I listened.

We can say we are paying attention, that sounds forced huh?

I am, from now on, going to remember to GIVE attention…as a gift from my heart..on my honor.

THANKS RICH..so glad you are still around

wow, thanks for that little bit of adivce there Rich
food for thought indeed…
^_^

Rich, I love this post…it’s very true that the 5 A’s are so critical in showing someone that they are not just in your life….but IN your life.

Like most, I so often am rushing around trying to get things done and my daughter will try to tell me about her day. I finally told her that each night we will sit down after my little boy goes to bed and share stories about our day so we can give each other our undivided attention…it is one of the best parts of my day.

My reasons for divorce centered upon every one of those A’s - without them it is a feeling of not being good enough.

My friends laugh at me actually for I generally do not multitask when I talk to them. I will sit down, turn off the computer, turn off the tv, minimize distractions and just focus on them. I drop what I am doing to talk with them or tell them to call i.e. in 30 minutes. But at the same time, they KNOW I don’t answer the phone when I am on overdrive…ha ha.

For humor…The confusion comes in when I am IM’ing more than one person at a time…it can be a bit dangerous when you hit the send key and realize you sent the wrong message to the wrong receiptent…ah well, alter their universe for just a moment.

Rich, again another great post…hugs…and thanks for being you!

Rich, I love the post and I agree. Would like to ask you though, (in lieu of making my own help post for something I’m going through) a question.
If we don’t receive these 5 A’s, do we have a personal responsibility to not become a serial killer, or more likely not to give those 5 A’s to others, or does the responsibility rely on the parents or “the village,” who didn’t show that?

I came out to parents this past weekend, and lets just say it wasnt the best reaction. I would write a help post but I dont know what to write.. your post here brought up that question that has been going through my mind. …should there be guilt or responsibility towards the non-givers, or not?

HI Ucreate….if you just told your parents this weekend, perhaps they just need to absorb what they didn’t expect. Have they been supportive of you in the past?

and As far as I am concerned, personal responsibility is what is conditionally wrong with society in general. Far too often we look to blame others with what we feel is wrong in our own lives. If we as a person or population do not like what is happening around us…we MUST speak up with intergrity and dignity. I recently told another poster, if you have a problem don’t treat it as a school yard fight. Present your fact based argument, support it with documentation, and argue with honor.

As for guilt, that goes against acceptance. Let’s say your parents don’t accept your lifestyle ever, should you hate/make them feel guilty for feeling that way? My answer, no, for then you compound the problem for not accepting their opinion. See the vicious cycle that presents itself. But let’s say, you tell them, I appreciate the fact that you don’t agree with my lifestyle, but understand that I choose my life paths and I accept your position on the matter. I hope someday, you will accept mine. Who holds the higher moral code? Who sets the example of acceptance?

Hope this helps…

Hi Jade and thanks. I basically did what you suggested above, but (and I didn’t expect this of myself) I got hurt when they didn’t show open love and acceptance, and I’m looking for reasons.. I feel very open and vulnerable right now and I’m not used to feeling that way. I would never blame them with their background and upbringing.. i guess Im just hurt and angry

Good God Almighty..you speak the hard truths, Rich..the victim, so called, is also responsible, of course, for their reactions and decisions after..

Ucreate..all I can say for now is..when I hurt, I hold even tighter to my Honor..it was honorable to tell your parents..now you must…show them the honorable reaction

Thank you, Aks.

I really like the 5 A’s and it is true that we don’t take the time to listen espcially to children. In my house when we would all come home the kids used to come out and talk to me about their day when I was preparing dinner. I listened and asked questions so they knew that I was listening to them, and now my oldest daughter does that with her son. It is so important whether you are a child or a adult to just stop and listen because sometimes we forget because we are the so called busy. Stop and take a breath and listen you might be mildly surprised at what you hear.

Blessings back Rich, thank you for this post ;)

Very wise advice as always Rich! Thanks! As I was reading it also occurred to me that it is not only important to apply the five As to your relationships with others but also in your relationship to yourself. I will definitely share the five As with my students next semester! :)

yeah… crummy when i figure that out too late… well i guess theres next time…

thanks richard, these things are exactly the reason i have been married for 15 years and am still happy

those questions were really good i think you should become a poem writer a book writer or novilist and if you dont want to do that i think that you would make a good politician because you would be able to start a debate and have convincing arguements or maybe a judge or a lawyer whatever your job is or is going to be i know you are very or are going to be very good at it and at everything that you do

wow…..i sound like my mother

is a life coach like a peer mediator?

is a life coach like a guidance counselor?

ok cool i did

I sent this to my best friend..he and his wife of a little over a year of having some trouble with intergrating their respective kids.,….this should help..(if they listen)

That is rather helpful - I feel especially gracious to this post because I know nothing about relationships - mine just kind of popped up and I haven’t gotten to really think about it, or gotten any advice. So thanks for the link, I’ll do some thinking about this! I think it will really help!