boyfriend help: How do I get through a bad breakup? - Help.com

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Sadly there are no easy solutions. It is best to just remember the reasons why you broke up with him. Sometimes it helps if you write down a list of the qualities you want in your ideal mate, and then compare it with a list of things your ex did that don’t correspond. If you have it posted on your refrigerator/frontdoor or something it will be a daily reminder of the kind of mate you really deserve.

Remember that things happen for a reason. Maybe, dating your ex-boyfriend was not a mistake. Maybe, God wanted you to date him, so that you can truly appreciate your next boyfriend even more.

And even if you have to wait awhile to find your next mate, just remember this. Maybe God hasn’t given you someone yet, because he hasn’t found anyone that he felt deserved you yet.

Sounds like you were the person who did the dumping, but are now experiencing some guilt or remorse about it. You definitely need to get over that. Are you finding yourself wondering how this other guy is getting by? When that thought comes up, acknowledge it (”there’s that thought again”) and change the subject of your thoughts by telling yourself, “I’m letting that thought go.”

Remember that a bad relationship is not superior to no relationship. You broke up for a reason. I’m afraid that you are just going to have to get past these tough times by gritting your teeth and reminding yourself to let go of attachments to the past. Maybe this perspective will help: romances don’t start because people are actually in love with who the other person actually is. A romance starts because you fall in love with how that other person makes you feel. So concentrate on that distinction. You aren’t missing him, you’re missing those feelings you had together. But remember, it is possible to experience those feelings again with somebody else. In other words, don’t lose sight of the fact that this is not the end of the world. You will survive this loss and find happiness elsewhere.

Oh have i been there! I know what you are feeling. I know the heart break in your heart. But what you must understand is that it is not HEART break. it is heart ache. you are aching because you feel as if you need someone as a companion. not necessarily him, but he is the last one that touched you emotionally. so what you should do, is get back out there. I dated a guy for 2 years. and must i say it was the worst two years of my life. i was only 16 at the time we got together, and i was young, he had me so brainwashed into thinking the way our relationship was, was the way it was suppose to be. BUT, I later realized that it was far from how it should be. I did not deserve being thrown through doors or jerked around by my hair or by my arm or pinched so hard that the bruise appeared immediately. he told me that was our personal business and i should not tell anyone of our personal life. so i didnt. and when i would try to break up with him he would threaten to kill himself or me. so i stayed until i found a solution. he told me that he could never date any one who did drugs and partied. now i know it wasnt the route to go, but i started partying alot. i would sneak away from him and go to parties, because he couldnt hurt me there. well he came to my house one day, and in front of my parents i told him i couldnt see him anymore. my parents were upset, because they didnt know of the horrid things he did. but i did it in front of them, and after he left, i told them everything. so if they ever saw him around they knew he wasnt suppose to be there, so i felt safe. and after the break up, i was 18, and i didnt know how to date. i was so lonely. i was afraid of every guy i met. so i decided to form a big group of friends, i called them my support group! we all went out all the time, and it made life so much easier. instead of having a “companion” i had friends, who really heal the wounds much better than a new man. friends dont expect much out of you, just to be there for them. and they will be there for you. so instead, why dont you find someone you get along with, and start hanging out, watching sad movies, and talking about how some guys are no better than dirt. friends are amazing. they will really lift your spirits in times of need. so get yourself a best bud, watch some chick flicks, and eventually start going to social gatherings, you will find your self stepping out on the branch again, with the push of a great friend.

Hey, I kinda went through that! I was with a guy for a long time then out of the blue he up and goes with someone else! I was in depression for a year! It wasnt good but I had to learn to look at the good things and try to ignore the bad things! Yea, it wasnt easy and it took me a long time to over come it but I did! SOmething else that helped me was to trust in GOD to help you get through it! He helped me through that and he is still helping me through my trials today! He loves you and he will always love you! Hope this helps
Shae

Hiya really the best advice i can give you is to lean on your friends, get out there and do the rebound thing and just try to forget him. You need to throw his teddy off your bed at night(very important) Stick on some Gwen or Destiny’s Child and say you are a survivor. You dont Need him or any guy, Its gona be hard but its gona all be ok in a couple of months

Gud liuck

em

i agree lean on your friends they will get you through…i went through something that about a year ago…but he broke up with me…honestly it’ll just take time…and I cant say a few months cuz honestly im still dealin with that…but keep your head up!! You’ll make it I promise!!
Shae

I’m so glad you got some support. I hope you’ll come back with more questions or advice in the future!

sit in ur living room and eat a lot of chocolate ice cream and just watch sad movies and then go to sleep and in the next morning dont think about the person and just move on

I know how you feel in some way. I’m going through my own horrible feelings of my ex right now. We were together for 5yrs and he broke up with me before x-mas last year. It’s now August and I’m still in such turmoil about it. I kept myself very busy, and everthing seemed to be fine until he contacted me about some mail I had at his place. It was pretty much all over for me after that. I felt so sad. We had some moments where we were able to talk nice to each other after the break up, only through email, but that only made it worse for me. I can say this for him, he worked really hard in our relationship, but while he was building it up, I was taking it down, and distroying it. I had anger problems and never really seeked help until it was too late. I was very abusive, I did all sorts of things to make him end up hating me. I regret so many things in that relationship, and he is the first one to point them out. I have beat myself up over the many terrible ways I’ve treated him. I have cried so many tears over our break-up, and I know I’ve caused him so much pain. It really has put me in a bad place. However, as my ex has said to me…we need to take these hard times, and look at them as an opportunity to grow. We each had our own journey and issues to deal with. It’s true we do. It’s important to seek help if you’re having such a difficult time as i am. However, I agree with everyone else, friends really help. I feel so unbelievably fortunate to have some very close friends that care enough about me to listen to my heartache. I’m starting to feel better. This guy that you’re talking about, is just a guy you met one day, you will meet another guy one day. Another thing to remember is that sometimes people think they’re in love, when they really are not. Sometimes we are in love with the idea of what it brings to our lives, but we are not in love with that person. It’s wonderful to have a companion, to share things with, but at what cost? We weren’t really happy, yet I find myself romanticizing (I know I didn’t spell that correctly) about the great times we had. I even find myself fantising about if I were to run into him someday, what it would be like. I have to catch myself when i start doing that. I have to tell myself to stop thinking about the past. As hard as it is we have to move on. We need to learn from our mistakes so that we will not repeat them.