Love help: I need help really fast about my adopted little brother! - Help.com

I can’t think of anything very profound, but I would suggest trying to get help for the little guy–maybe even as publicly as you can. Go back to the adoption agency and request that they review the case. Hopefully, you have a nice paper trail to show that you have been trying to get help for a long time…and if, God forbid, your parents come under fire for something that they didn’t do you will have the paper trail showing that your brother needs professional help.

I read a book that is actually unbelievably like the story you just told. It was a true life story about a family who fostered a boy like that and the EXACT same thing happened. And I remember that at first it was really tough but they dealt with it really well and were persistent in what they did….I really can’t remember anything about it though. I will rack my brains to think of the name and post it here when I think of it. It might be of some small help.

I can imagine it is very hard to be adopted and from an orphanage, emotionally he must at least having serious abandonment issues and anger issues. I was once in a very bad place where my son was exposed to seeing some very bad things when he was only two. Though he has no memory of the events, later on he stored it as emotionally baggage that came out later as anger and destructiveness, and withdrawl from those that loved him. It is not that your parenets are doing anything wrong, but that part of the package deal of getting him from an orphanageis you have no idea what he has been through or seen before he came to you, and I doubt he can even remember. I think some of the anger is a good thing because he is starting to feel comfortable and safe enough with his emotions to react how he really has felt and had to contain all those years. It is but a bump in the road if you really love him. get him counseling, work with the schools to get him involved, take him to church, show him in every way possible that he is now in an environment that he is truly loved and cared about.

Sounds like hes acting out to get attention.. but you have to remember that at 7 years old he does know right from wrong, he just chooses to do the wrong thing. I would tell your parents to get him into a martial art sport, something he can release his anger with and not get in trouble for. He is probably hurting he is an orphan who has passed around like a troublesome puppy dog or something and this can be a really emotional thing for a small child. I would sit down with him and explain to him that his acting out is only hurting him, tell him how much you care about him and tell him what will happen if he doesnt stop acting the way he is, and try to get him into a therapist on a regular basis, at least once a week, so that as charming as he may seem, over a few months behaviors will surface and he might be able to get some help

I agree with wolfie on trying to get him into martial arts or sports, and on stressing there is a difference between acting right and wrong and the conquences of those descions. I would not just give up on him or send back to the ophanage. If he has abandoment issues now, if you left him too those issues would double! Genes to be a criminal? No…. this is normal behavior for a little boy to act out in anger sometimes! Remember that there was a time when this child was powerless to control his situation and everything that happened to him. This sense of powerlessness was a very strong feeling and now that he is older he is acting in extemes to try to take control back.

It sounds like you dont want to hear what people have to say and your set on the fact he is doomed. He is only 7, and with good structure, discepline and respect im sure he can grow up to be a decent human being.

Then they shouldn’t take in a little boy from an ophanage at the age of three. I’m sorry, but getting a baby from the ophanage is not like getting a dog from the pound. You can’t just bring it back because it doesn’t fit with your ideal of a child. You get what you get, you deal with it as you get it. So their cute kid a three turned into a little brat at seven and they want to bring him back? No wonder the kid has abandonment issues. Your parents have obviously held this as a solution to their problem, and the boy has sensed this.

They are grown adults. They are set in their ways and you, even if you are right, are a mere child to them. There is, I’m afraid very little you can do unless they agree to it. Your parents wanted an easy way out of their problem and this is it. It makes me angry that people would do this, but it happens all the time. What you can do is not give up on your brother yourself. Be a friend to him through thick and through thin, no matter what happens. He will need your friendship. As you age and mature into an adult, realize that you are your brothers keeper, and being such help him as you can. That is all you can do.

Go to social services and ask for Wraparound services.

It is state funded so there is no cost to your family.

Wraparound provides whatever your brother and family need in order to make it work. This could be someone shadowing your brother at school saying, “Don’t lie. Your mother made your lunch. If you throw it away you will be hungry.” People who do this are use to working with the scenario you described.

Look up Graham Wright or EMQ (Eastfield Ming Quong on the internet for more details.)
http://www.afteradoption.org/pages/wh…

Type Wraparound + AAP + the name of your state.

Wraparound exists because the State doesn’t want to see adoptive kids back in the foster care system. There is a high level of success with this program. It uses everyone’s strengths to make things work. The family and the child tells the Wrap provider what they need to make things work.

Hope this helps.

for one.. if they have all his actions put down in his file… bringing him back to try to get him help… would show people that he is an attention getter… the fact that he has already been sent back once.. is probably having a huge effect on his life.. and from his worries… he is acting out.. wanting to be loved and not understanding why his real mom and dad didnt want him.. you have to let him know that children are born to parents every day… and that he is special.. because you guys chose to love him… and wanted him out of all the other kids… but as for getting him the help… with all of his past history… especially being put back in care.. it only shows that he is the one making this stuff up.. or maybe.. just maybe.. in the case of being in a family environment before he went back to the home before you guys got him.. maybe there were things going on to him… causing him to have a lot of anger inside…

He needs to see a psychologist

You are very welcome. If you get stuck, call Graham Wright at the Kinship Center in Redlands, California. He specializes in Wraparound and AAP and he may know of contacts in New York or be able to refer you to someone who does. Or call EMQ. They are the California State consultants for Wraparound. It is a good program. Best wishes to you and your family in the new year.

Hey. Me again. If you get a chance, you should buy the book ‘Hidden’ by Cathy Glass. As I said above, it is extremely similiar to your story and is a true life story with only the names changed. I think it might help you. Happy New Year and I hope everything works out

Get him some help. He really needs; as far as lieing u need to read some parenting books

Thats great! I really hope it works out for him. Please keep us posted on what’s going on. And if you need any advice, we are all here!