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Romy22

Hi,

I need help…and about my story…here goes…iwill try my best to keep it short…

I am a 21 yr old Indian girl born and raised in Doha , Qatar (middleeast). I come from a very narrow minded family background but i can confidently say that I am very much broad minded…happy to be quite broad minded too. I did my schooling from a Non-indian institution and is currently working with an american oil company. I’m not saying that every Indians are narrow minded but every indian i’ve met like my family, relatives, family friends and classmates are very narrow minded. By narrow minded i mean the following: -

1. No going out, talking to, being with a male
2. Not allowed to wear modern dresses tops, jeans, skirts (any kind) etc
3. Not allowed to fall in love with a non-Indian or even an Indian. My family dont believe in Love marraige but arranged marraige…which is quite unacceptable for me. I cannot imagine living with a person i dont love or a person i dont know. Some might find it fine but not me. and so i find it a bit difficult to express my feelingsd for this guy who loves me and whom i love…every time i look at him i get this guilty feeling and fear.
4. Not allowed to go to office parties, clubs, or even friends in the evening. According to my family/relatives/family friends girls from the age of 18 until married are not supposed to go out after 3pm and they are supposed to learn cooking and house hold chores staying home instead.
5. I was not even allowed to opt for a course/subject of my own taste and now i’m not allowed to my masters. They are trying to get me married to some guy.
6. I’m not allowed to stay at my friends (matured women) place for a change.
7. Not allowed to shop or atleast use my OWN money. I know its good to hve a bit of saving but hello!!! i’m allowed to use a bit of MY OWN money. I was once slapped and beaten up for buying some clothes and since then my parents have been searching my bag while im asleep
8. i’m not even allowed to spend my vacation atleast in india (my home country). I am not allowed to travel alone to a foreign land for vacation not even with my relatives. I love travelling and i wish i could atleast visit Australia or Spain. Can you believe we have not even visited all the states or atleast 2 different states other than the state i come from.. :(
9. i’m forced to do things that i really dont wish to do like going for this party which really sucks and is surrounded with even more narrow minded people, eating food that i really dont like, doing courses that i really dont wish to or is least bothered etc

etc etc etc…and the list goes.

My problem is that i all of above and i want a bit of freedom. i cant stand any more restrictions.

I want to move out and start a life on my own…moving out doesnt mean that i want to cut off the relationship with my parents and relatives and everyone else whom i know forever. By moving out i meant to stay alone somewhere outside and learn to live on my own and learn to become independent. I want to face the world on my own…i know its not easy…facing the world is something which is very difficult..i want to do things on my won and not have someone do it for me.

I want to experience a life that a normal 21 yr old girl hve or is supposed to live. I already feel 40 living a restricted way of life. At times i feel like running away to some place but i know its even worse and unsafe…

I want to be what i want to be. I wish i could be a chef or a vocational traineri Want to learn more and build my career rather than just doing any kind of job or working to just earn money

I wish i could travel to different places and learn abt different culture and people.

I want to fall in love with this guy confidently, fearless and experience what love & the pain is..i want to be vulnerable and experience all the beautiful things in love….and settle down with a person who can get along with me and with whom i can get along..and be happy forever..rather than marrying a person whom my parents find for me and live unhappily with him… i dont want to be burdened with responsibilities all of a sudden.

I feel like im not being myself…im so fake…im living a fake life for my parents…i fake everything….smile….showing that im happy etc..

I’ve tried my level best to get away from this kind of life and i swear i will still try but i need help as to what i should do and i want someone to console me….i even dont hve a good friend

Sorry if this sounds so desperate or immature but i find it really difficult to live life this way…i tried my best to keep it short but it just doesnt seem to work.

Help me pls…

This open post was written 8 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 270, 11, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Romy22 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Romy22 is a verified member, has been around for 8 months, 1 week and has 25 posts and 119 replies to their name.

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friends, India, state, Money, Love, life, Family, girl, Person, Experience, Freedom, Family problems, restricted from living my way, Love and Family (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (11)

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Matt... 37 #
Baltimore, MD, US | 8 months, 1 week ago (2 minutes after post)

It sounds like you just need to get away, start a new life. Once you have enough money saved, maybe you should move to another country. They aren’t always as tolerant of the lifestyle you want in that part of the world, perhaps you should try moving to somewhere in Europe or North America. It may be difficult, but if it’s what you really want you should pursue your dreams!

Help me with: Anyone want to talk?

dsjfhkh #
San Diego, CA, US | 8 months, 1 week ago (6 minutes after post)

can you go away to college maybe?

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dsjfhkh #
San Diego, CA, US | 8 months, 1 week ago (13 minutes after post)

i am sorry honestly i dont know how to help or what to say but there is so many people that go through what your going through and i have seen people get killed by there family because they went against there values so please be carefull its hard to find people to be your self with believe me i know i am getting up there in age and still cant be myself my advice is find something on the down low to express your emotions and who you are maybe hopefully with your parents approving because i think sometimes if you keep dinying who you are sooner or later your gonna forget like i said i dont know what to say to help and what i have sayed propably did nt do it i am sorry

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dsjfhkh #
San Diego, CA, US | 8 months, 1 week ago (26 minutes after post)

help me help you

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Oster: Gettin' It. 3 #
Atlanta, GA, US | 8 months, 1 week ago (28 minutes after post)

One of the most difficult things you may ever do in your life is go against your family — maybe the hardest.

The reason you are restricted from having your own money, is because it is a key to independence. Otherwise, you must rely on family or husband’s money, and their control of your money.

Making a transition into another culture may be easier if you are around other women from India also moving (or who have made a successful transition) to a more liberal, independent life. You will feel guilt and fear over those things which your family/culture have taught you are wrong, so affirmation from others is important — especially those from your culture.

One possible approach is to apply for scholarship to a university in the country you wish to live. Even if you are applying for study in a field you aren’t interested in, the scholarship will get you to that country, and you can study what you wish later.

Oster: Gettin' It. invited 1 user to read this post 8 months, 1 week ago.

molotok 103 #
G�vle, 03, SE | 8 months, 1 week ago (7 hours, 14 minutes after post)

I certainly agree with the above scholarship suggestion from Oster.

A “middle way” that possibly could cause less criticism from family members could be to look for a scholarship in another GCC country. I am thinking of Dubai. Sheikh Mohammed is known to be very supportive on educational advancement in the region and has made the largest single charity donation in history (USD 10 billion) in 2007 for the purpose. He is also known to be very supportive of female advancement in all areas, including governmental offices and jobs traditionally held by men.
I therefore expect such opportunities to be available. And once settled in Dubai, also the rest of the world is open to you.

I don’t know much of the life in Doha, but the enire Qatar seems pretty closed (narrow-minded if you prefer). So I don’t know how difficult it will be for a girl who “breaks loose” from her family. I also don’t know the distinctions between legislated freedom for an adult woman, versus the family’s rights to force their will upon her.

Can’t you get any help from your employer? Like a personnel development programme or the alike? An American Oil company is supposed to have a such.

But any chosen way, you really should try everything to break loose. Not to be hostile to relatives, but follow your own path!
This is your right, and they will have to accept it if and when it happens.

But they will not give it to you.
You will have to take it!

Help me with: I imagine being an apple…

Nyx (ninja) 46 #
An Unknown Location | 8 months, 1 week ago (16 hours, 18 minutes after post)

If you are looking for inspiration, you should find the book “The Caged Virgin” by Ayaan-Hirsi Ali. You could probably relate to Ali’s story and her advocation for liberating women from middle-eastern countries who go to Europe and America, but are still stuck in the cycle of repression from their home countries. Ali currently lives in the U.S. from what I last read of her, and she continues to be an advocate for women like you who just want to live the American way and balance it with their beliefs and the love for their family. I would not recommend leaving the book where your family might find it, though, as Ali has been considered very controversial amongst traditional Muslims and I’m sure other cultures who try to maintain women’s “traditional” roles.

Help me with: I’m going to San Francisco.

NotJustOne 0 #
Jaipur, 24, IN | 6 months ago (2 months after post)

Have you ever tried doing anything creative??? Say for instance, Jewelry designing, paiting, fashion, anything???

Romy22 12 #
Al Gharrafah, 01, QA | 6 months ago (2 months after post)

I’m not allowed to choose all those courses other than administrative or something simple…..i did take a fashion designing course without the knowledge of my parents and is now selling my designs to a garment factory in india….but its kinda boring now….i want to learn more abt it…

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NotJustOne 0 #
Jaipur, 24, IN | 6 months ago (2 months after post)

you know how to live for others, that simply means that you can easily talk in terms what your parents wishes to hear about, right. Say for instance, Painting, you can always explain your parents that this will keep me home, in front of you all the time, and you can be sure about me not wandering at late hours just for work.
What I am saying is, you need something for yourself, to feed your needs to express yourself. These creative things will give you an infinite platform to fill in YOUR colors, without you getting bored much with the same set of boring office hours in an oil company or anywhere else as well. If you don’t like it, you can always shut it off.
The biggest advantage is simple: When your creativity would be out for the world, only the selected few would approach you, who will actually understand you, rather than you wasting your personal time.

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