marriage help: My new husband kept a separate bank account to hide trying to pay off credit card debt, he also lied to me about. - Help.com

He may have hid these things so as not to cause you worry, the fact that he was making more than you knew was probably to cover his tracks while he was paying off the dept
(otherwise it would have let the cat out of the bag by having to explain were the money was going.) Cheer up he may Love you more than you know.!
Good luck to all
signed:spyresearch

P.S. I know lies can give one a feeling of dismay but you’d be surprised at what even
the most honest will tell to spare a loved one emotional distress.
None the less keep your eyes and ears open while sorting this out.

I’m concerned about the advice given above. Listen: when you marry, your husband’s debt can affect your credit rating. I don’t know your situation, but if you have joint bank accounts then his debt will affect you. It a problem you need to work out together, so he needs to start by being honest with you about where his debt is at. “Protecting” you from the information is denial and may cause more financial harm later on. Talk with him about it and then know that there are private, local, and state resources that can help you and him deal with how to consolidate or repay the debit in a way that will be benenficial to you family in the long term. There are ways out - hiding from this only makes it worse. You are a couple and need to face this together.

Sounds like you are doing the right things. Between being a parent and dealing with the finances, it also sounds like you are dealing with a lot stress. Do you have access to some brief counseling through your health care plan or employer? I know it’s helped me in the past to take advantage of offerings like. It helps to have a third party with the training listen to my stresses and help me sort them out, figure out how to approach this stuff in my relationships. Personally, I try to keep in mind that anger is really one of three things: hurt, frustration, or disappointment. If I can figure out which it is, then I can express that to my husband honestly without the anger part. He seems much more willing to respond when I do that (name-calling is the worst we can do; being honest about our feeling is better). None of us get it right all the time, but I feel like it’s a start to handling stress in my relationship. For what it’s worth… advice is cheap… hang in there (this, too shall pass).

its fair enough that you dont trust him.

but at the end of the day he was trying to pay of debt. its not like he was paying into a secret account to leave you or to pay for his own leisure etc.

it was to get rid of debt. and whilst you have the right to be angry, this guy was trying to put himself in the clear.

if you think about it maybe he didnt want to look weak in front of you. guys nowadays still wanna look macho and flawless. but in reality we are all human and can make the same mistakes man or woman.

maybe you should try looking at it in a different way. your not trying to ‘help him out’ your supporting him and standing by him as his wife. because you love him.

have a talk with him, i understand why you cannot trust him but what he’s done isnt exactly THAT bad. just the principle of it was because you want someone who is completely honest.

try telling him that and telling him why you were mad. and tell him he doesnt need to hide things from you cuz your not mad about what hes doing your mad that he didnt come to you when your ment to be a team/partnership etc.

good luck xx

I can’t believe I saw this post. I have been married over 20 years and my husband recently told me he has been lying about his income (telling me he made less) and hiding OUR credit debt. In his efforts to clear the debt alone, he ran us into significantly more debt at very high interest rates. This had been occuring for at least 2 years, maybe as many as 20. I have been distraught and feel a trust was violated. He does not understand these feelings and becomes very annoyed to discuss teh issue. I find myself doubting and questioning things that never dawned on me before.