life help: Slowly stabalizing once again. - Help.com

Slowly stabalizing once again.

So after a few weeks of my deep depression I’m finally coming out of it. Its a very slow process, but I’m getting there. Less sleeping, less headaches and ailments of other sorts, eating regularly, smiling again. The twisted part is, I felt better after my mom’s boyfriend came by last night. So here is a quick version of his story. Apparently he and my mom have known eachother for about 10 yrs. They were always friends and once they both discovered that they were both single they started dating. Well this guy, Rick has liver disease… or had it rather. He got a transplant and decided to turn his whole life around. I knew from teh beginning that him being with my mom was a bad idea… most of the ppl on here know my mother is an alcoholic… well of course rick doesn’t drink because it will kill him. I warned him just like I’ve warned many other men about my mother. I told him to stay away, but he didn’t listen. So my mom drove him crazy… he moved out. Then all of a sudden he starts coming around again. It wasn’t unexpected I suppose. My mother likes to play games with her men. They come and go… the relationships are on and off. Well my mom drove Rick so crazy that he started drinking again. Well my mom treated him like crap for it. Wow, she is a total hipocrite. She said he didn’t deserve that new liver because he was just wasting it. So he decided to go into a detox program. Then yesterday, the day before he was to start detox, she called him and told him to get his shi* and get out of her life. So he came by to get some stuff and his dog. He was crying and looked so sad. My heart went out to him, really it did. I felt bad for him, but I was so glad that he felt that way at the same time. I thought to myself, maybe he’ll stay away now. Now that he knows how evil she really is. I don’t want my mother ot be with anyone. Some might say thats selfish, but if you knew what I have to endure when she is in a relationship with someone you would be on my side. I knever know when a fight is going to break out… and of course they don’t act like adults and argue in their bedroom, they argue in the family room or the kitchen, so I’m stuck in my room for hours until its over. So yes, after yesterday seeing that big strong man just broken down like a little boy, I felt so much better. I feel bad that my pleasure comes from someone elses pain, but I can’t help how I feel. I’m climbing out of the hole that I’ve been in for almost a month now. This was a particularly bad month too. Even though I stopped for a long while, I cut a few days ago… and my panic attacks were really bad the last couple of weeks. Last night I actually slept all night long, and I didn’t have that awful dream that I’ve been having. I know that these feelings are only temporary. Something will set off my deep depression once again. I know theres a 95% chance that Rick will come back… so that might do it, or my mom will go on one of her rants… something of that nature, but for now, I feel fine. YAY! So many issues, so little time. Oh btw… for those of you who always ask about my future and whatnot… I’ve decided to persue a career in social work. I still need to save some more money, but I was thinking about going to trade school. Tammy and other survivors of abuse (myself included) inspired me. I remember when I had to talk to social workers after I told my mother about my abuse from her husband. They were so cold and they didn’t seem to care at all. They made me unsure of myself and therefore I didn’t give teh details that were needed to put that monster away. I want to save people. Its that simple. I’ve always wanted to do something that would help people and make a difference. The difference might be small, but it might just mean the world to someone one day. I think I’ve finally found some direction in life.

This open post was written 1 year, 10 months ago | V/U/S: 424, 11, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

Liver, Boy, life, Social work, Month, man, Day, drink, social, night, abuse, depression (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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