Love help: Funny things that some human beings at one time wrote. - Help.com

I really like those. They made me laugh, a lot. fun stuff, keep it comin’ Layrnie

Good stuff. I agree with theresape. Brilliant.

In country where George W. Bush is president, there is no surprise anyone can write: “The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30”. I find the whole thing highly amusing! Thanks for sharing!

Yes, because all of these are written by high-schoolers, and not incredibly famous and visible authors like Douglas Adams. (You assholes.)

These were determined to be fakes a long time ago, but they keep getting circulated.

Very funny list of stuff. Thanks for sharing. # 16 is great. So unassuming.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

These are similes….not metaphors.

These aren’t necessarily bad metaphors/similes. In fact, a certain level of untapped genius is evident in them. You know, like that you’d find in an intro to creative writing class.

Several of these are paraphrased Douglas Adams lines.

yeah. similes. i love how the reddit crowd has stormed the comments with criticism and logic. w00t.

the boat that floated like a bowling ball wouldn’t is indeed a paraphrased douglas adams line. He wrote something like “the spaceships hung in the sky like bricks don’t”.

Although these quotes may have been collected by English teachers, the author of this article certainly isn’t–(s)he doesn’t know the difference between a simile and a metaphor!

That’s actually how I came across this - although I’ve seen it on plenty of occasions.

For those of you criticizing my generation, don’t forget who raised it. :’)

metaphors are when you directly correlate something without using the word “like” or “as”

so alot of these are similes. just figure i’d point it out.

These aren’t from real high school students. These are from a Washington Post contest to come up with bad metaphors. So these are written by adults trying to write like high school students with poor english writing skills like a foreign person who also has bad english writing skills, but in his native language, not english.

just thought id let you know, those are similys not metaphors i mean your english teachers right?

Anyone sad enough to post “these are similys not metaphors…. geez, it’s just a piece of fun

Funny stuff, but some of em are similes. If it’s meant to be at all educational, people should know that. Simile ‘is like’, metaphor ‘is’. TA DA!

most of those are similies…

I don’t believe this is meant to be at all educational… But thanks!

These are hilarious, even if most of them aren’t metaphors! I think number ten was actually very clever! Number seven made me laugh out loud.

Who cares where this list came from…it’s just meant to be amusing…

Regardless of their origin I found a number of these to be quite acurate and moving. Number twenty had more than one meaning and it was brilliant :)

these were absolutely genius and hilarious. i agree with theresape- there are updike’s and salinger’s up there. brilliant.

I must a few stress points already made, much like these ‘children’ do. The coherence of the writing points toward either revision, or flat out compilation. The voice invoked is singular, as are the comedic devices. This is just brilliant, Douglas Adams would be proud. I would guess the humor is British, as it has the trademark wit and sarcasm, as well as timing, employed by the ordinary for the ordinary, concealed within run on sentences, and half completed thoughts (most of which scorn cultural nitwits).

Again, bravo, author, whomever you may be.

Or editor, whomever you may be.

I said this, but it means that. Brilliant. Jack Handy indeed.

These are similes…not metaphors

These were funny! But many of them are not from high school students. Someone pointed out that some may come from a Washington Post contest. I’ve seen others in the Bulwer-Litton contest for the “worst opening sentence of a novel.” The contest isn’t about novels that have actually been written, just for opening sentences. Check out http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/ for more fun.

It really doesn’t matter that all the entries in this blog aren’t from high school students. It’s still a fun read.

These are definately not from high school students recently. What high school student today remembers Nancy Kerrigan?

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/dubi…

they’re all similes though haha not metaphors.

All of these were part of a contest put on by the Washington Post. I don’t have the link, but I ran across these on another website that had the link to the Post. They are not from high school students.

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM these are similes NOT metaphors. hello?????????????????????

Too funny!

this is hilarious lol.

it’s been a while since i laughed this hard. very do i say that i loved this post?

Hello, I think these are hilarious. Very funny and very original. Tomorrows aspiring writers in the bud. I hope to see more of these in times to come. Although they are mostly similes, maybe you could call them, “Silly Similes.” Whatever, keep editing this page. They are truly funny and truly original.

I just have to say that #9 actually sounds like a line that Doulgas Adams would write

Actually come to think of it, a LOT of these read like a Douglas Adams line.

I think that many of these students are geniuses.

some of these are similes not metaphors…

aren’t these similes? this is sad

nice one
i love it
a href=”http://cool-hotstuff.blogspot.com”>
jasmine celion
cool-hotstuff.blogspot.com /a>

Similes are a type of metaphor, so it’s ok to call them metaphors.

Regardless of what they are or not, or who they came from, they are funny. If they’re similar to things authors have said in their books, all the better. It means people read. And as they say, imitation is the highest form of flattery!

bahaha
i wish i had these in high school.
most of these are just for fun; trying to add humor to some long, boring essay, which is something that i did quite frequently.
i’m sure that those teachers probably appreciated the laugh.

Wonderful. Better than most genre fiction writers. The next Tom Robbins, perhaps?

They are the future.

Haha. Love these… Yes, this is our future, and yes, this future has a sense of humor. Though I’m fairly certain the bowling ball one was Douglas Adams…

these are similes, not methaphors

Number 9 was stolen directly from Douglas Adams. Lame.

Many of these were fresh and new, and showed healthy minds, some were ridiculous, but the fact that Douglas Adams was plagiarized in the midst of them all, and it was missed shows that these, although comical, aren’t all worth of ridicule, and “these are our future” comments. Your future is your own, make with it what you will.

Leave them kids alone.

My English teacher used all these in a test in 7th grade. It sure did make things interesting. and HILARIOUS.

Seriously though… these are all similes.

They all compare using like or as. One used resemble but it is still a comparison. A metaphor must be definite.
“Being here brought me back to when I was a child. Rainy Days are a thorn in my side.”

I’m more concerned about the guy who wrote the title “Funny metaphors used in high school essays”, when every one of these is a SIMILE.

Great stuff! My tears of laughter are falling like a series of cannonballs dropped from the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and at almost the same speed, thus proving Newton’s theory of gravity.
I am a Niagara Falls of laughter (metaphor).

amazing, really, its hilarious and so original!!

These are quite clever. I love it! They made me laugh extra hard.

I can easily see these used in humourous ballads or stories geared towards hilarity. I especially like the self-contradictory ones. These kids would make decent standup comedians if they knew what they were saying.

it was a good laugh

Some of those were meh.

Hahahaha…. Good ones. :D I loved ‘em loads.

My wife and I were literally rolling on the floor, like errr… whatever!
Actually made my week! Thanks.

Firstly I want to say that my language is portuguese and I learnt english on my own, so I’m sorry for any errors. I’m not so sorry if you’re actually thinking I should correct them first with some of kind of grammar checking (even tho I’m using one, actually), because I bet most of you don’t even know a second or even third language, nor would you writing it good with just a grammar checker.

Excuse me from sounding a bit harsh/agressive on my initial disclaimer, but that came only after reading all the comments here.

Yes, It made me giggle, like it made to most of you; but it didn’t made me fear the future or something like that - present, perhaps? Have you actually listened to Mr. U.S.A.’s President Bush? We, in Europe, listen to him all the time - and laugh our ***** hard over his sayings… and get very afraid, at the same time. I wish I had the ability and sense of humor these kids have to do a metaphor/analogy on this one! :D

Anyway, as I was saying (typing, you get what I mean): instead of fear of the future and making fun of these students I actually praise them (like some of you, previous commenter s also did. thank you, you’ve restored my faith in the Internet comments); I praise their sense of humor, their originality (except those 2 plagiarisms above from… oh, my god! BOOKS that actually SELL!!!) and their spunk!

A word on originality: if they weren’t originals they wouldn’t get to this page at all.

When I giggled, I did it because I imagine how big of a fail would Phil from #20 have to be to even be on that sentence [insert more examples like this here because I’m too tired to do it, now] and not because they were out of the ordinary sentences!!!

And just another thing: afraid of the future because it will be them? what about afraid of now? and also: who taught them, uh? it’s like looking at a mirror, really… you’re laughing at yourselves… 30, maybe 50 years ago…

and the more I get to the center of my issue with certain people here, the more my speech gets untidy. It’s like trying to put laundry up to dry with very strong winds and a huge dirty dog sniffing up your ***…

:D

oh, and I found this through stumble-upon.

Raging helewidis, 22 years old Anthropology student, Portugal.

I think most of these were intentionally trying to be funny. Not all of them, mind you. I went to high school with plenty of kids with this kind of humor and it’s just good to see that teachers recognized it. :)

I’m happy to have met you.

Personally I think that if applied in the right situations any of those metaphorical phrases would fit perfectly. They’re really not much worse then some of the ones we already use. “Dead as a doornob.” I mean seriously people… Some of these really could have some use behind them if given to the right story. They’re all funny, fresh and more then most people can say or come up with on their own.

By the way. I may not have the sharpest pen but I love writing like cats love to sleep. I’m not as bright as the sun but I can screw in a light bulb which is at least 139 more candles then any writer in history used. I’m sure they’d agree things more amazing then their works occur in our world today. The growing generation will continue on as those before them to produce things more amazing then today’s world could dream of. That’s part of life. Get used to it.

The great thing about writing isn’t how well you exercise literary terms. That’s for abstracts to the art called journalists. It is truly how it changes and grows with the people who produce it. Writing is a form of expression. It’s meant to be subjective. IT IS ART. Beethoven was considered crude and shakespeare wasn’t greatly appreciated at first. Success comes not from obeying the norm but by challenging it.

I personally think that the greatest art comes from minds that are open to new ideas and possibilities. Most of the people here have lost that youthful spirit and have therefore subjected themselves to the death of creativity and immagination. In turn this gives you no right to claim any hold to the art form of writing. You’re simply mimics.

Writing is the pure essence of thought transferred into words that can be interpreted and turned back into thought. Every single metaphor listed above creates a vivid image within the reader’s head. Better, every single one challenges the paradigm most have trapped themselves under. The examples of great writers are being abused. Recreated as absolute values to define a majestic form of art that needs to change and grow. Our literary heroes would be angry to know that their works are being used as weapons against the imaginations of great minds not far unlike their own. What force is at fault for this corruption? We call it society; I call it the excuse to ignore the real possibilities of the imagination.

Afterall, what is the imagination but a key to our world of infinite possibilities? (Quote me on that if you like. I just graduated and I was far from top of my class.)

Er, most of these are simile. A metaphore doesnt use the words like or as :) Sorry

that was just hilarious! i love the ballerina and the dog one! laughed my head off. XD

These are similes, not metaphors

This is awesome. I am laughing so hard I am CACKLING. Is it just fatigue? Who knows…I love it!

The funniest thing I;ve read ina ges, thank you

These are similes, not metaphors. You said English teachers submitted these? Maybe they need English lessons too. Still, it was really funny.

bluehai wrote:
Number 18 (mind like a steep trap) is a plagiarism or a paraphrase from a Terry Pratchett novel, although I can’t think of which one at the moment. There’s another one I’m fairly certain came from a Carl Haissen book too, or at least is a paraphrase of it. And the bowling ball one (#9) is similar to “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”. They are quite funny though, and I have a hard time believing all of them are unintentional, because several of them do show quite a bit of creative thought. Although I don’t know the rest of the writing style of the authors.

Exactly what I thought - Number 9 is similar to Hitchhiker’s “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t”. I don’t think half of these are so ‘terrible’, and agree that many of them are quite probably intentional.

Similes .

most of these are similies. it’s a simile if it uses like or as.

AMAZING!
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

As bad as they are, and if they are truly submitted by teachers, this infringes on the students’ copyrights. Why is this acceptable simply because they are humorous?

Writing high school essays is an academic process applied to monitor students’ knowledge in discipline. To write a good high achool essay you should be good at essay writing.

http://www.customwritings.com/high-sc…

This webiste helped me with my school work! !Gracias amigas!

pseudoniem wrote:
I think most of these writers have a great imagination and will do something impressive at some point in their life. I loved reading them!

Something impressive, like a marathon runner that finishes the race despite pooping his pants around the 14.5 mile marker.

These are similes, not metaphors :-P

some of you people are too pessimistic, a few of these students are showing more imagination than the hackneyed writers who get famous, make millions, and that so many of you probably read and enjoy just because they’re boring enough to be palatable. #6 might as well be the work of a nobel prize winner, you can’t describe a ditzy high school girl’s vocabulary better than that.

oh so funny

Cant help laughing, but you got to giv them credit for creativity and originality..hilarious~!!!

Number 20 is literary genius.

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this post was quirky & enjoyable, just like one of those captions that says “quirky” on the top line & “enjoyable” on the second

These aren’t metaphors; they’re similes.

i kinda agree with geeyourhairsmellsdel
there kinda like similes but if u say its metephors its metephor

It’s pretty obvious these were all written by the same person and not by multiple different students. They all have exceptional form and yet curtail on an awkwardly amateurish punchline. Why not just title it as “funny examples of similes that I came up with” instead of pretending high school students wrote them?

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Omq..i luve it…yeahhh..right.!!.it wuz c0ol..it made me laugh..lol..

Funny! :-)

What?? they are all similies?!?!

these where basically all similes, not metaphors you moronic “writers” and internetellectuals…

Oh my gosh, my AP English teacher reads these to us every so often! It makes English much less intimidating!

This just made my day.

most of these are similes not metaphors

most of these are similes… not metaphors… our english teachers are dumb for posting these as metaphors. they should know better

actually, i think most of these are very clever and imaginative. if they are really from high school papers, then the future of humanity is secure!

Hate to break it to you, but most of these are examples if simile, not metaphor O=)…

Sweet!

we have established that they are mostly similes, there is no need to point that out anymore!
we have also established that these might not be written by high school students. one again, there is no need to point it out again!!

personally i think they are hilarious, and very possibly written by high school students

Bex wrote:
This is our future here people! Be afraid!

what should we be afraid of? hilarious people?

Most of these are similes.

FAIL.

theresape wrote:
These are FABULOUS! As a professional writer, I have observed that one of the hardest things to teach kids is to write metaphors from the heart. Nearly every one of these metaphors is spot-on honest, and most are rollickingly funny as well. I expect most of these writers to be published some day. I am absolutely serious. The next J.D. Salinger has been quoted above.

As a professional writer you didn’t notice that none of these were metaphors, rather similies?

*Similes are a type of metaphor, just as sarcasm is a type of irony.

They hated each other passionately, the kind of disgusted passion that separates the bloods from the krips.

Technically these are similes because they use the words like or as to compare two different things. I just noticed that and chose to point it out. These are great either way, though! Super funny! :)

Aren’t these similes, not metaphors?

Lots of people are saying that these are really imaginative. Truthfully, I don’t think most of them are very imaginative but they are great. The reason why they are great? The poster who claimed to be a professional writer nailed it. They are all extremely honest. It’s as if the writers just altogether gave up trying to contrive something really imaginative, much less achieve literary greatness, and instead just wrote the first banal thing that came to mind. My impression is that some of these students aren’t taking the writing assignment seriously. They simply didn’t give a hoot about the assignment outside of it being a vehicle to mock the very idea of the assignment and just wrote what others students probably would self-censor for fear of it not being good enough. Ironically, most of these examples exceed expectations by going out of their way to not live up to them.

So, some of these potential writers probably will make great writers but only to the extent that they realize (or can be made to realize by a teacher or mentor) that they can do what they are doing here and, at the same time, take it seriously.

These are great, but I don’t understand why most of the comments are pointing out that they are similes and not metaphors. Yes, you’re correct, but in the intro paragraph it says “analogies and metaphors,” indicating that the list was not exhaustive, ie. there are more than just metaphors here.

i just loved this. thank you like a bird thanks a lake in winter.

I wonder if any of these are similes’. That would be sarcasm, laid thick like crazy glue on a toilet seat. We get the simile point. Enough. English is a bastard of a language and most of the rules have exceptions and/or disclaimers. Whether intentional or accidental, these ANALOGIES are pretty **** funny. Anyone who has ever seen “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” would get a kick out of reading these lines. It’s possible to use each entry in one solid, hilarious, detective novel. Writing doesn’t always have to be highbrow to be considered worth reading and it’s perfectly acceptable, and often times more effective, to use humor as a means of accentuating or breaching a serious topic. Run on sentences are fun. Plagiarism is wrong yet inspiration can be hard to find. How many similar similes speak (alliteration rocks) of love? To say “the panoramic view excited me exactly the way a fat man in a speedo didn’t” comes across the same way as a bowling ball not floating gently or a brick not hanging in the air. It’s a devise used to make a point in a unique way. Douglas Adams used a sequence of words to describe an idea, whoever wrote line 9 used a different sequence of words in a somewhat similar fashion to describe a comparable concept. How many writers in how many books, essays, or articles have done this very thing. Yet, the above are reprimanded. We get it. You’ve read a book. I consider the expressions submitted above as examples of fine writing. They intrigue the reader, get them to expect one thing and give them something better. Something Funny. The thoughts are complete and coherent. It’s okay to present something familiar and then turn it on its head. Writing is difficult for a majority of the population. The best I advise I can give came from Steve Martin who said “I cannot emphasize enough the power of a strong closing statement”.

Similes, Similes and more SIMILES. Lrn2English, my friend.

This is our future and the future is funny 8) well its the future of some kids

It is funny to post a link to snopes and say not to believe everything you read on the dang internet. Maybe just to me. “notthatkindofgirlblo” is right though. These are amusing but not some sort of warning for our future. Perhaps more of an example of how people will use misinformation.

I still remember using these funny metaphors when I was in high school. Writing a simple essay during that time was really hard. After reading some a href=”http://www.essaywriter.co.uk/free-sample-essays.aspx”>free essays /a>, it was able to educate me not to use funny metaphors in formal essay writing.

I still remember using these funny metaphors when I was in high school. Writing a simple essay during that time was really hard. After reading some a href=”http://www.essaywriter.co.uk/free-sample-essays.aspx”>free essays /a>, it was able to educate me not to use funny metaphors in formal essay writing.

Hollywood pays alot of money for this kind of humor, kind of like a senator pays a high priced DC call girl to spank him while his boyfriend watches.

wow…..most of these are similes….funny but the page title is not acurate

6. her vocabulary was as bad as like, whatever? haha so cool that sentence goes perfect with someone i know.LOL!

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sorry here is the link

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#9 is rather Douglas Adams-esque …hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks do not… is how the original goes (I believe).

just for the record for those of you who haven’t taken a composition class in a while - similes are metaphors. similes are a specific type of metaphor (comparison) using the word like or as so please stop saying they are not metaphors because they are indeed metaphors

Obviously many of these are intentional, and quite witty too.

The vast majority of these are similes, not metaphors

lol

those are similes lol

Interesting. They try to write something and others just make their money back. Is it a right thing. a rel=”dofollow” href=”http://www.all-auto.ro/piese-auto” title=”piese auto ieftine”> img src=”http://www.all-auto.ro/images/piese auto” alt=”piese auto ieftine” hspace=”2″ vspace=”2″ border=”0″ /> /a>
I for one do not believe

If you type in “Week 310: Its like this,” into a search engine and find the link from the Washington Post, you will wind that these metaphors are in fact not from high school students, but submitted by authors throughout the United States for a contest. The names of the authors of these metaphors are posted with the entries, and there are more than just 25. However, the point is; they are not from high school students as believed, they were actually intentionally made the way they are for a humor contest.

These aren’t metaphors, they’re similies. But funny similies nonetheless

lol, these are actualy realy feckin good comedy analogies.
Looks like the books and TV we will be watching in 10 years time will be cracking!

All similes are also metaphors.
But only some metaphors are similes.

I wrote the vast majority of these similes (at the very top of this page) in high-school in the mid-1980’s in my Advanced English class. The teacher gave us each a list of incomplete sentences (obviously taken from various books) and our assignment was to complete each sentence and turn it into a simile. I was failing the class, so I intended the assignment to be a joke. The comments above really boggle my mind. There are so many false rumors about the origin of these similes. And to those who praise the similes, THANK YOU!!! :) Anyway, I’m glad it made a lot of people laugh! :) I’m amazed at how much this has blown up over the past 24 years. Anyone who submitted them to the contest at the Washington Post obviously took them from the email that had already been circulating for several years prior to that. Oh, and there’s a couple more that were not included above, that were in the original assignment…

- Her eyes were like two brown circles with black dots in the middle.

- The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the “Dr” on a Dr Pepper can.

@nop

…You hit the nail on the head when you said, “The coherence of the writing points toward either revision, or flat out compilation. The voice invoked is singular, as are the comedic devices.”

…It shows that you have a lot of intelligence, as you were able to observe that! :)

But, I am American, not British, although my British friends often say my sense of humor is very British… “I would guess the humor is British, as it has the trademark wit and sarcasm, as well as timing, employed by the ordinary for the ordinary, concealed within run on sentences, and half completed thoughts (most of which scorn cultural nitwits).”

Yes, yes, yes! Very observant of you, nop!!! It’s as if you know me!!!

MOst of those are not metaphors …

This has been going around as an email forward for at least five years; it is absolutely NOT written by high school students.

who ever wrote this it is completly useless and pointless i hate this it stupid it should not be on google

Barak Obama.

shotgunemmet+hel wrote:
this post was quirky & enjoyable, just like one of those captions that says “quirky” on the top line & “enjoyable” on the second

u r dumb

Bex wrote:
This is our future here people! Be afraid!

… I think they didn’t include the good ones… Just for humor.