Love help: Do girls really prefer or like guys to make all the first moves…? - Help.com

i prefer it.

I prefer it 2

Anas wrote:
I prefer it 2

but why? you scared you’ll blow things up
i prefer a girl to make the firstmove but i like too cause then i’ll know i’ve done something

Well i’m a girl and whenever I make the first move it doesnt work….. :( Although I don’t believe this is the reason…

My experience - girls not only prefer men to make the first move, but often need it as they simply do not know what to do, are scared of making the first move, and are used to the stereotype in our culture that men make the first move, so if a man doesn’t make it she may think he’s not interested and then won’t make a move herself.
Women (not simply an age range, but females with a bit of relationship experience and are generally mature and in control of their own lives) will often make moves on a man she is attracted to if he doesn’t, but will first present obvious opportunities for the man to make the first move.

I’ve known plenty of guys that complain about this as though all the responsibility is being put on them, and I understand that mentality. However, it also gives men the opportunity to progress the interaction in the direction and at the speed they like.

I disagree that mature women with relationship experience will often make the first move. I am 45, and hell will freeze over before I ever make the first move on a man. I may smile at him, so he knows Im interested, but if he is too thick to pick up on that or doesnt make a move himself, then nothing will happen, because it wont be coming from me. I would simply DIE if I asked a man out and he said no. Let men have all the responsibility in that area. I know its fair, I know men have rejection anxiety too, but thats just tough luck I think!

I meant I know its NOT fair!

Hah, I’m impressed that you can admit it’s not fair at all but are totally be open about how you feel concerning it. I love it, not many people can do that well.

But, I do want to reiterate something and see if it doesn’t change your statement. Being 45 doesn’t make someone a Woman to me, especially in relationships. You may have been with someone for a long time, but being with the same person for years doesn’t give you nearly the same level of experience as having regularly known multiple people in a romantic context throughout your life. If you imply that you have relationship experience, can you say that you’ve kept an active, diverse dating life for a significant amount of time?
Also, as far as being mature, can you really say you have full control over your own life, you know where you stand and where you’re going, and you rely on yourself to be the adult that takes care of your life and your goals without any thought of whether a man is there or not?
If you are not just a ‘woman’ because you are 45, but rather because you truly do have relationship experience and are emotionally strong and mentally mature… then sure, I know not every person will fit into my experience. But, my experience is that _most_ women who are like this don’t fall apart if they get rejected, and are capable of making a move if they think that the object of their desire will not (that is, if they don’t lose desire because he’s not manning up and making some moves).

And, being capable of making the first move isn’t the same as often making the first move. As I said, it seems like the most common initial tactic for women is to simply provide opportunities for men to make the moves.

I like them being able to make the first move ’cause then you really know that they like you and we don’t like rejection, I’ve made the first move and well I’ve never been rejected but I know I’d feel like **** if I got rejected, I think it’s because guys handle rejection different than females.

Anas wrote:
I like them being able to make the first move ’cause then you really know that they like you and we don’t like rejection, I’ve made the first move and well I’ve never been rejected but I know I’d feel like **** if I got rejected, I think it’s because guys handle rejection different than females.

yeah, I used to have such low self esteem id reject every guy who came my way because I was scared of rejection myself and to avoid any negative feelings I would get if the person rejected me. It took me a long time to realise I was doing that because of my way of behaving it made me feel a lone and isolated. Some guys would get hurt and hurt me back. I also used to fix myself into a daydreaming perfectional world to keep me feel safe and secure inside and it isolated myself even more and distanced myself from reality. I still struggle abit.
I think the real key is to like yourself strong enough to know you can cope with rejection and if anyone is mean to you, it’s not your problem, its theirs.

I think most females prefer males make the first move but why do I have to say…buy her a drink as an example? If she wants some of this, freaking by ME! a drink lol Hell it goes both ways nowadays. Me making the first move is all fine and dandy, but not all the dam time. If the women is “really” interested and gives these “opportunities” and I miss them for whatever reason, and she gives up after that, well hell, I sure as hell don’t want that female, moving on to the next one, whose not afraid of stepping out. If she makes the first move, it shows she’s assertive and not worried about being rejected, or embarrassed or anything, which is a big plus because I know she’s adventurous, walks toward the “unknown”, not some hermit who’s afraid of leaving her shell lol I know that you’ll have to make the first move here and there, but don’t fall into that cycle, let a women make you feel special, this is 2008 man!

yes i perfer it too

I wish women would at least give some straight forward signals. I don’t mind making the first move, but it sucks when it’s a total shot in the dark.

It really depends this isn’t a question that can be answered with a simple yes or no. I think that if you’re aware of her personality, and find out enough about her you can usually be perceiving and come to a conclusion about if it would be a good idea to initiate first, but if anything, if worst comes to worst and It takes to long, It couldn’t hurt to try first, know the limitation of what you would consider the first move, Like Asking her out, Kissing her putting your arm around her, things like that. as far as asking her out, I see no harm in being the first to do so.