Love help: I recently got engaged to my girlfriend of a year.We are in the - Help.com



This post left anonymously

I recently got engaged to my girlfriend of a year.We

are in the process of making wedding plans and looking for a home.Things between us are great.We rarely fight and Im always excited to see her.Recently my ex girlfriend made contact with me.The situation with the ex: We started dating in high school,on and off through four years of college.We split soon after college 5 years ago.She wanted to be single and hang with her friends.Through the years I have missed her but she was never available or willing to try to get back together.One year ago I began to date my fiance.The ex was clear of my mind until the recent contact.She called and wanted to meet me to talk.I met with her.She then professed her love for me and had no idea I was currently engaged.I explained to her that I was engaged.She started to cry and I felt horrible.We hung out together at the park for the next couple of hours.I comforted her.She gave me an elaborate scrap book she spent many hours preparing for this meeting.Im confused because I still have feelings for her but Im not sure to what extent.I dont know if it’s just physical attraction or something more.I haven’t dated her in five years but cant get her out of my head.Will this go away or should I explore my feelings for my ex?I love my fiance and love how she loves me.If it wasnt for the meeting, I wouldnt be in this mess.I have been texting and keeping in contact with the ex now every day for the past week or so.

This open post was written 1 year, 10 months ago | V/U/S: 1,104, 5, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


Reciprocity (0) Reciprocation Failure -- The poster has NOT helped anyone else yet!

Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

Post Tags (10)

Replies (5)

Where were you?

Click and drag to move the map around. FAQ: How we place people on this map »
You can also watch events on Help.com as they happen
Mouse over the map for 2 seconds to see an expanded, interactive view

The Seven Stars offline Verified User (2 years, 6 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Carlsbad, CA, US | 1 year, 10 months ago (3 minutes after post)

You promised your fiance when you proposed to her. You most certainly cannot go back to your ex now. She is your ex for a reason, remember that. If it comes down to not being able to talk to your ex, then that’s the choice you’ll have to make.

Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators
Help me with: New Coldplay Song
Meh? offline Verified User (1 year, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Denver, CO, US | 1 year, 10 months ago (5 minutes after post)

ur ex had what, 5 years to be in love with you and get back wit you, i think she lost her chance!!! unless you love the ex wit all your heart, stay wit ur girlfriend!!

Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators
DChristophe offline Verified User (1 year, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
San Diego, CA, US | 1 year, 10 months ago (19 minutes after post)

What a great opportunity life has given you! You and your fiance will undoubtedly both be attracted to and have others who are attracted to you both. Try talking openly with your fiance and tell her how much you care about her and that you were contacted by your old girlfriend and thought it would be no big deal. Now is the time to learn how to talk with each other in open and direct ways with one another about what you both expect from each other and develop trust and respect for your relationship and how you build mutuality.

This is just the beginning…learn to trust the power of your relationship to overcome everything and you will be on the road to a remarkable marriage. Best of luck and trust in your love for this woman you love. It really is completely natural for you to feel the attraction to your ex or other girls at times like this. The depth of a serious committment is a bit frightening, but ultimately brings out the best in most of us if you and she are a good fit together. It’s tough growing up, but the journey is worth the payoffs if you make it with a good partner.

Take a chance and just be honest with her about who you are and how you feel…regardless of the outcome, you will be able to know you were forthright and there was nothing you pretended about and will start to grow from it all.

Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators
theresape offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
Waltham, MA, US | 1 year, 10 months ago (15 hours, 41 minutes after post)

It’s feast or famine, eh? And it happens all the time. The biological clock starts ticking, and suddenly the guy she dumped doesn’t sound so bad after all. Sounds like the plot of “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” It’s also just happened to my son–now that he’s happily reattached to another wonderful woman, the one who gave him the heave-ho last year is rethinking her decision.

Ouch!

I don’t envy you this choice. On the surface, I’d say stick with the woman who did NOT dump you, and who feels so right for you, and who loves you the way you want to be loved, as you so beautifully put it. But only you know what’s in your heart.

If you decide to go forward with the wedding plans, I would suggest that you send your ex one LAST text message saying,
“Look, I loved what we used to have, but I have moved on now, and I don’t think we should be having this kind of contact now. I wish you the greatest happiness, but now I have to direct all my energy toward the woman I love now—the woman who is going to be my wife. I’m sure you understand.” And then STOP ANSWERING HER MESSAGES.

Bless you.

Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators
Help me with: ARGH, NOT AGAIN!
cobra408 offline Unverified User #
Sierra Vista, AZ, US | 1 year, 9 months ago (1 month, 1 week after post)

what you have to do is find out how you feel inside what feels right and don’t go solely by that you have to choose with your heart and your mind i’m stuck in the same **** right now I lost my ex but more or less she ****** around , and I have been with my new girlfriend for about 8 months now and it was about a year and something months that I broke up with my ex yet I think about her every single day no matter what thats why i’m up this late posting this reply is because I”m hurting, and I don’t know how to make it go away but, if you think its worth more to stay with the girl your with you have to make the choice based on what you see in 10 years and who is better, and who you truly love. best of luck my friend

Quote this reply Report this reply to moderators
This account has been deactivated.

Invite Others to Help

A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.