friends help: How do you stop loving your mother? - Help.com

Spend time with your siblings, continue to celebrate holidays with the family you have. In time she might come around—leave an open invitation for her, hopefully she’ll see the foolishness of her ways sooner than before it’s ‘(WAY) too late’

I agree you should not try and stop loving her. Concentrate on your children and other extended family. Don’t let her foolish decisions pull you down. You can still be happy when those around you are causing trouble in there own lives. It bothers you so much because you are letting. Do not grieve for what she is not and what you don’t have, but be happy and celebrate what you do.

You won’t believe how many “Christmas” parties I go to because of family issues. The dinner I have with my siblings, we call “Kidsmas” and it’s great, I like being able to have friendship with my siblings as an adult.

Thanks for the great advice..there is just 1 other piece of the puzzle..my husband has just gone back to school to finish his degree..leaving me at home to be a single parent. My husband is my best friend and no without him I feel so alone. I have called my mom several times to try and get her to come to my house or meet me for lunch and it just goes to her voicemail…which is ridiculous because she has 2 phone lines and a cell phone, certainly she gets my messages but she never calls back.

Times’ *gone mad* wrote:
Spend time with your siblings, continue to celebrate holidays with the family you have. In time she might come around—leave an open invitation for her, hopefully she’ll see the foolishness of her ways sooner than before it’s ‘(WAY) too late’

totally agree… although she is your mom… and i too have a similar issue with my own parents… i too get depressed about them not caring… however.. i go on with my life.. i dont try to contact them in any way anymore… i believe that if i were important enough… they would try to contact me… take care of your children and show them what a real mommy is like…

I understand the single parent thing. My husband has been working out of town for about 6 months. It gets lonely. So I know it would be nice to have a parent to depend on. But she is not being dependable, seek support from other people. Friends, church, other family members.

babacup wrote:
I understand the single parent thing. My husband has been working out of town for about 6 months. It gets lonely. So I know it would be nice to have a parent to depend on. But she is not being dependable, seek support from other people. Friends, church, other family members.

baba is right, find people who won’t disappoint you—ones that are more reliable. Work on further developing your friendship with your siblings. :)

I have tried to seek support from others but there is a fine line between friendship and counseling and I don’t want to be a downer for my friends so that they think twice before they call me!

Keep loving her, keep sending her Christmas messages, keep letting her know your door is open. Usually it’s the mother who has to keep loving kids through thick and thin and dumb mistakes, but sometimes life gets a little messed up and the parent becomes the child. Love her and consider it your role in life–don’t worry about getting loved back. It might happen some day; it might not. She is who she is. You be the bigger person.

Times…. your replies are beautiful!

I couldn’t say anything better ~
Bright blessings~ Richard

culinaryon wrote:
I have tried to seek support from others but there is a fine line between friendship and counseling and I don’t want to be a downer for my friends so that they think twice before they call me!

Well, it’s why I keep saying talk to your siblings—at least about the family stuff, they understand, she’s their mom too.

Family stuff, if you meet someone in a similar situation it’s easy for you both to empathize about the trials and tribulations of life.

You’re a strong woman—finding answers before the problems become more overwhelming is testament to that. :) I hope you meet people who have more advice and can help more.

Two years have gone by since our loved one basically moved on… my daughter , her grand daughter spent time with her every day, and my husband and I had to explain that eventhough she still loves all of us, she is hurting, and needs time away for awhile. I was asked if she’d ever see her nana agian, and I said, I am not sure, but all we can do is pray that God keeps her safe.
Somehow prayer is a wonderful tool for children, they can’t understand adult issues, but prayer helps them heal and find closure. I have to say it helped us adults too in our pain. My mother in law was so close to us, but after my father in law died, she decided that we were not what she needed, through this transition, lies she told were revealed, and it became quite hurtful. It’s hard to get past the pain, but the love doesn’t die, just the pain does, and eventually understanding and forgiveness remains.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you have to allow them back into your life and allow all the pain to continue, it just means that you are willing to move on, not forget but accept what they have done, ( through thier own inability to love themselves, thier own pain… thier pain they cause is a short sight I guess, because they can’t get past thier own selves to extend thier hearts to others. They lack compassion and understanding because of thier need they have to fufill within themselves is so great, it overshadows everything else, and because of that, it isn’t in them to give of themselves they way that they have, or they way that you need) Forgiveness is understanding thier pain, and loving them enough to let go and let them live the way they want ( it’s thier choice) and the way they need for thier own growth and comfort. Forgiveness is understanding that it’s not about you, that you have done nothing wrong, but still wanting the best for them regardless of the damage they have done to you. Forgiveness is freeing so we no longer live like victims… Forgiveness takes back our power.
If you need to chat, I’m here.
Love your friend, Shannon

You can stop[ loving your mom, but I will advise that you don’t. One day, she will relize what she’s done and come back to ask for your forgiveness.

I hope this gives you some peace.There is no law that says we have to love our parents.We have to honor them.Not like them.And you know it’s not something you can just turn off.She,unfortunately,is a part of you. Like I told my g-kids when they got out of hand since s one else had been caring for them,I don’t like you right now.I will always Love you,no matter what but if I was a child right now i would not want you as a friend.Maybe tis is a not so good example because a mother can be a friend too but,as of right now.Shes just mom.A lot of times we, as humans,assume .Don’t assume that she knows how you feel and how she is missing out on things that she van never get back and how dare she leave it up to you to explain to the kids..What to tell the kids’.I dont know why grandma is not coming around,It’s nothing you did.It’s grammas problem.I’m sure shes thinking about you,and still loves you very much and all we can do is hope to see her soon.”Just like in a divorce,kids need to know its not their fault..

What you have to remember, your mother is the loser in this situation, she
has abandon you, your brother and her grandchildren. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, she
is the one who is loseing out and will regreat it in her later years.
When she is much older and alone, she will try to get back into your life.
Right now, stop feeling sorry and bad and get on with your and your childrens lives,
you still have your brother. There are many differ’nt organizations that you can become involved with and make a whole circle of friends who will become your family.
Start with your local CHURCH or mothers clubs. Make new friends to fill up your lives, also you can work as a volenter at a local retirement home, there are many
mothers there without family, who would appreciate having a family to spend the holidays with.

‘L” excellent advice.:)

I am brand new to this website and don’t know how to navigate around and send personal responses..so I will have to respond publicly. I really appreciate lpjl’s comments. I have decided that my mom must be sick in some way it helps me feel better about the situation. I have always taken things personally and to heart…thinking that something must be wrong with me. When she moved she bought that big house up on the hill looking over the valley and I think to myself what the heck is she doing up there all alone..well she is still married to my father however that hasn’t been going anywhere for years…

I am a mom and grandmom.I was a single mom.I worked 2 jobs,provided fully for my children and gave up everything for them. They grew up and they all do well.They had to return home a few times due to hard times and job loss.Each time,they drained me dry.They left me with bills I could not pay,came home again and left again only to return gain when times were hard.They have all moved out,live far away from me and I do not hear from them or see them unless they need my help again.I am alone and have no one to look after me and I am up there in the years.My life was devoted to raising my children when my husband died.I could not meet anyone that was as good and wonderful as him so I did it alone.When I hear that there are adult kids wanting the parent to care about them,I see a reversed situation.I would love for my kids to want me around and watch my grandchildren grow up.I also know that I was a good mother an they are good parents but the facts are clear.They have a family now and the last thing they want is to have mom hovering over them and causing discomfort to the in-laws.As a mom of adult children,I know this and do not want my kids to worry about me.I did well as a single parent and have some great kids.It was hard to get them out on there own and stop draining me dry.We had many hard times and I am still having them over helping more than I should have.I lost my retirment to them and no struggle with my own life and needs.They were dependant on me way to long and think I am the bank when they have tuff times.When I could no longer be the bank,they stopped calling.This may not be your problem but maybe your mother thinks it is her turn.She has done her job and knows that her grown up children have a life of there own and no longer need her.Thisis hurtful for the mom but we have to find a new life after our child grow up.If we don’t,we cry and hurt ourselves from the grief.

How do you do that: find a new life after they don’t want us around any more? How do I stop thinking about them and wishing they would call me? I hate calling them because I am on the list of people they don’t pick up the phone for, and maybe two days later they might call me back, when there’s five minutes before they have to run out their door somewhere. They never ask how I am, they never want to know about my health. They don’t even look at the horoscope for my sign, but I read theirs and email it to them often. How do I do this? I feel so useless and it’s only them I want. Everywhere I go, I must deal alone with strangers who only see a funny looking old woman, who have no interest in even treating me fairly, let alone hanging out with me or having fun. I haven’t laughed til I cried since my girlfriend died six years ago. I tried a second marriage and I miss him too, he’s gone home to his own mother in her frailty. Everyone has someone they’d rather be with than me. Is it simply the economics of social relationships? I don’t support anyone but myself, and I am seen as a potential burden by my in laws. I cringe at casual cruel jokes about mothers in law. I am still a person. OR am I.

What can a mother do when her children stop loving her? I have four out of seven children who get together and the older two poison the younger two. I don’t know what I have done to set them off so bad…. I give them money, buy gifts, and try to be involved in the grandchildrens’ lives without becoming overbearing and pushy. I had those experiences and I don’t want to repeat them with my children. But now they have pushed me away and write nasty blogs about me on myspace. Any advice?

There is no way you could get over your mother, It’s the biggest love in any human being’s life, Just think that she raised you, she was there when you needed her in your younger years, gave you and your siblings the best of her now she wants to be her again and enjoy life, Yeah she should keep in touch with her grandchildren but that will change she’ll open her eyes. Love your mother ALWAYS I would give anything to have just one memory of my mother, or one hug or one kiss but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.