Family help: I become very defensive (and sometimes offensive) whenever someone(mostly - Help.com

Its ok to get defensive. Your doing a good job, your getting by as a single mom…doing what you can. Its hurtful that people can critisize you.

But the truth is they probably know nothing about what you do each and every day for your kids etc.

The best thing you can do is ignor them…and i know a lot of people will say the same…but i want to go that one step further…

You need to figure out some kind of ’strategy’ that you will think of whenever someone insults you etc. like words you will say in your mind, facial expressions you will choose to put on. Little things like these all set triggers off in the persons brain that tells them that they arent bothering you.

People tend to insult and critisize very self concious people or people with a low self esteem. What you need to do is raise your self esteem and fight to become a more confident woman.

Eventually you will feel good about yourself, and realise how well your doing in life and how good your son is turning out to be. And then you will feel powerful and like no one can hurt you.

You are a good person. You should be very proud of yourself. Try to think positive.

It’s natural to get defensive when you’re trying your best and someone criticises you, especially when it’s someone you feel should be supporting you, like family members!

Don’t worry about your reactions, it’s ok to stand up for what you do and the way you choose to do things. It might be worth talking to your critics to find out why they are so critical and explaining how much it bothers you. Tell you want some support, not constant criticism.

Good luck.

well… Jung would say you are projecting your feelings about being a critical person. You try to live your life by the motto, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” This is an admirable way to live, but you also find that you get walked on quite a bit. You are a people pleaser. There is NOTHING wrong with that, except that in your selflessness you miss out on a lot of which you need and desire. Critical people get under your skin SO MUCH, because, deep down, in a place you’ve hidden far inside yourself, you too are a critical person - and you hate that about yourself.
~Richard

sngl_mom wrote:
Thank you all for your wonderful replies and advice.. Its like your reading me as an open book … I guess that my friends and family take me for granted coz am always there for them whenever they need me, or my help with anything! just taking me for granted.. i will stand up and will do my best to change for the better. Thanks again everyone . God Bless you all :)

Good luck and take care hun :)

The advice is sound, when your gut feels the offence, feel your outrage and speak up immediately, keep it simple. Tell them to knock it off.t