Love help: blah.. - Help.com

really sick and really stressed

I just got out of the hospital for a kidney infection and I was really dehydrated so they kept me through the weekend. Im pregnant and I lost 10 pounds.. which is bad.. they put me on 6 different medications for pain, stiffness, nausea, and different vitamins. The kidney infection was really bad because everytime I went to a doctor about my back pain, they said it was “just because Im pregnant”.. so i ignored it.. but now my back pain is practically gone now that the infection is gone.. so Ill definitely be less likely to believe doctors all the time..

my OBGYM told me not to be stressed because she believed thats what worsened me to the point of being taken to the hospital.. because supposively when your pregnant and get stressed its very hurtful for the baby and unhealthy for you.. my doctor told me to let my family know to try and keep the household stress at its minimum and to be calm..

While I was in the hospital my parents came to visit me.. and i told them what the doctor told me to.. and my Mom immediately started saying that no one gets stressed exept for me.. that I bring it all on myself.. well, I got upset.. because of her saying that.. it was mean and hurtful.. I wasnt “pointing my finger at her” .. i was letting the family know what was needed to be said for the baby..

theres a lot of arguing between everyone.. especially my parents.. and its very stressful.. Im really scared about my baby..

my Mom sent my husband messages going to him for advice and told him not to tell me anything.. of course he told me.. but it made me angry that she would even ask him to that.. he sent me her message because it was through email.. she had said that she felt like its either “me or her” .. thats shes tired of trying to see who is sicker..

Ive always felt like my mother has competed with me.. when really I just want her to be there for me.. shes my mother.. shes supposed to know more etc.. i WANT her to.. but everything seems to be turned into a competition when i dont want it to be..

It seems like she is ALWAYS sick.. whenever anything goes wrong.. or whenever the family’s attention is on something/someone else.. Ive toughed out my pain/not being able to eat/vomitting for a very long time before I even said anything to my husband.. and when I did say something it was to the point where I couldnt get out of bed because i was so weak from being dehydrated..

Even when I was in the hospital, I wasnt complaining etc, I was just happy I was getting better and that my husband stayed by my side the whole time.. but while I was in the hospital my mother was supposively sick.. and she was complaining that no one cared etc.. which i didnt understand and i got upset because she left almost as soon as she got there.. i still dont know how she was sick.. she said that her blood pressure was up and this big list of stuff because she was stressed because i was in the hospital..

but that made me feel bad because yeah.. I was in the hospital.. but i was dealing with it.. why couldnt she? i wanted her there for me.. and it always ends up that way.. as soon as i need support for anything.. all of a sudden shes falling apart.. and i have to forget about how bad i feel to help her..

As soon as I got home.. my Mom was saying she wanted to leave/move out.. and me and my Dad were trying to talk her out of it.. I believe she just kept saying she wanted to go because she wanted us to keep saying we loved her/wanted to her stay over and over and over again.. so shed have that attention.. she kept saying she wasnt the strong person she use to be etc.. i eventually got angry because I sat there calm comforting her for a long time even though Im still very sick.. I was strong and was there for her.. and it wasnt good enough..

so i eventually got angry and let everything out.. all that I felt.. because I figure if shes really leaving.. she needs to know.. I told her that its not fair how everyone around her has to be strong for her.. that her own children have to be her parents.. it doesnt feel right that im her daughter, 18 years old.. and her son 13 years old.. have to be the ones to give her emotional support.. I told her I didnt think it was right.. also that it wasnt right for her to come to me for support then not listen to what i have to say.. ever.. whenever anyone trys to correct her behavior when its inappropriate.. she blows up even more and acts worse.. but everyone else’s behavior has to be corrected and fixed.. and everyone else in the family has to be strong.. so we can all help her.. that its tearing the family apart.. that maybe WE need HER sometimes.. and were all hurting..

well after saying all that.. of course she blew up.. because whenever you say anything about how shes doing anything wrong.. she breaks down and freaks out.. so then my Dad blew up and said he was going to kill himself.. there was yelling and throwing of things.. so i grabbed the phone and called the police.. my husband was at work.. and i JUST got out of the hospital.. (so much for the minimum stress)..

my Dad explained to me later that he wanted to show her exactly how she was acting.. basically he acted like she was.. to scare her into calming down and to snap out of it.. which definitely worked.. he apologized and said he would never mean to do that.. he was just acting.. and that he wished he would have warned me.. just everything else we tried with Mom didnt work.. its just sad that it came down to that..

im going to be a mother myself.. i feel like it is so wrong to bring your problems onto your children.. they’re growing and have problems of their own.. im so thankful im not more messed up than I am.. I feel like I grew up being a Mom.. I understand getting sick and needing your children to help if your very sick.. but emotional support.. NO. I feel Im even too young to help with that stuff.. I dont completely understand etc.. im still learning.. and i feel like your supposed to learn from your parents.. but honestly.. I feel like Im just learning what NOT to do from my mother..

Ive had to figure everything out on my own.. I grew up without a Dad.. I was adopted by the one I have now.. and I grew up taking care of my Mom.. so I learned to suck it up and move on.. that things fade away.. and better days always come after the bad ones..

I believe shes an adult and should be able to figure things out for herself.. especially by now.. I wouldnt bring so much drama onto my family knowing the damage it would cause them.. I wonder if she sees how bad shes hurting us all or not..

I just wish there was a way for her to understand that shes hurting us all with her actions.. and the things she says.. (that no one cares/takes care of her) when we all love her.. and do all that she asks of us.. its hurtful to me because it makes me feel “never good enough”.. I wish she could be strong and able to figure her issues out on her own.. and to keep them to herself.. unless they’re very serious.. not just “no one cares, no one loves me” .. im tired of the list of health issues being listed every time something goes wrong.. i understand she has health problems.. but thats not an excuse for everything..

I feel bad for her.. because she just seems so insecure.. and I love her.. and want her to be OK

its just everyone else is forced to fight through being sick/upset/being insecure/depressed.. we all need someone there for us.. shes just making it TOO much to handle.. and I dont know how to communicate with her at all without her blowing up..