girl help: My girlfriend is in so much debt, I feel like a jerk.Please help me. - Help.com

Your 4 Year old Girl got to come first always & forever!
Make sure their is always a roof over her head.

Thats all I can say…

I look to my own example. I owed a debt that I could not pay and Jesus paid it in full. So that is how I try to treat others. Love is a verb. I think that if you love her, you will treat her as you would like to be treated. …my thoughts

That is tough since you are emotionally attached. As we say in the consulting business, peel it back and look at everything objective. In this case, the right thing would cut your ties and move but do it tactfully. Money is a huge reason why relationships don’t work and here’s the perfect example. Although you will feel like a jerk (which you’re not), you will be doing the right thing to cut ties and move into your own place. You will feel better about yourself and your situation.

Sometimes the toughest decisions you make are the best ones for you. If you do it, make sure you stay on course and don’t sway. The other person needs you more than you need them. Good luck!!

I agree that your daughter should come first, but I will add that material things are less important than love, company and family.
Will your daughter suffer if you don’t get a house?
Will she be loved less, cared for less and do her harm if she does not live in a house?

If you are with this girl just because you feel you have too then I would say yes, go for it and get out, but as you say the debt is the only issue and I think you leaveing this woman who you have been with for a while and in a childs eyes even longer it would cause more emotional distress for you daughter now more than you think.
She has a step mum and sister what would she choose? I know she is too young to ask, but maybe you can think about how she would feel, and upturn like that could be bad for her…

I wish Jesus would pay my debt

Tough decision but let me say this. I also have A LOT of student debt… it happens, but when you are putting yourself through college, what other choices do you have?

If you really love this woman and want to be in a committed relationship with her you take the good with the bad. If you keep up with the debt payments, continue paying it off, eventually things will smooth out. It’s true she should have been better at keeping up with the payments in the first place and not getting behind… and I’m equally conscientious about my own credit history…

but like I said, if your daughter is being well taken care of where she is, why are you stressing? The house will come someday, are you willing to choose a building over the relationship you have right now? Home is where you want it to be. Do you want your daughter to have a house or a home.

What I think is really important in this situation is the character behind the woman you are with. Is she a bum or is she a hard worker? Is she willing to pay her debts if she had the money or is she fully depending on you? What are her views about budgeting and finances… That’s what you should be considering. I’m getting married and it was important to me that he and I were able to work out a budget and come to an agreement on finances…

I hope my children evaluate the quality of their lives by the love that was in it not the walls that surrounded it. We are drowning in debt after childhood cancer. We lost a house . We got to keep the kid and each other - I feel like we came out way ahead on the deal. If you are measuring love/ family in money and things ( houses) it probably isnt the real thing and you are hurting the woman and her child by staying with them no matter how many of her debts you pay off . You never said if you love her child as your own? It doesnt seem you do or you wouldnt even be considering deserting her - and no part of you would be able to abadon one to save the other- and if you DONT love her child as your own- again- they are better off without you. If you are looking for someone to say its okay to leave someone you love and who is mother to your children because of money - I am sure you will find people who say that. As parents who never thought biology or money made for great parenting- we wont e the ones to say it.

Your problem is not about your emotional status with your girlfriend. Your problem is that your girlfriend is not about her business and carrying her weight. We all fall short sometimes. Your child needs to be in a home that you “own”. Anyone that would tell you different needs to have a conversation with a financial advisor and sign up for a few sessions. To be throwing money away in a rental is not smart. With equity built up in a home things will settle out eventually… NEVER with a rental. You will always be in flux… not to mention looking for a new place typically every 3 to 4 years. Your girlfriend got those student loans because she wanted to better herself in life. Well there is no time better than the present for her to step up and do that. If she “really” is about you… she should not want to be a burden and expect this from you. I have learned that any woman worth sticking it out for can back up what she does and says… handling her own business. If she is that good she is worth marriage as well… and anything she does from that point on is YOUR responsibility as a union. You are not obligated nor responsible at this point to anyone but your daughter… your priority. If the shoe were on the other foot… a women would say the same.