life help: does it get better? - Help.com

Hi Seattle :-) Uhm… I like your picture. I’ll come down and keep you company on any given Sunday. ;-)

When I used to get down in the dumps I would pick a new town or city close by that I had never been to and go for a drive. See something new, experience something different. What did you used to do with him on Sunday that makes today so hard for you?

I am really sorry to hear :( but things will get better over time, talk to friends and family and just go out and enjoy your life , meet new people .

just a question do you plan to get back with him? does he still want the relationship?

that really hard, and though its never happened to me, i understand you feeling really bad.
about sundays; you need to get out! go have cosmos with your friends, or see a movie, anything to keep you busy really.

So what do you think would make things better?

Saggezza wrote:
Hi Seattle :-) Uhm… I like your picture. I’ll come down and keep you company on any given Sunday. ;-)

He sounds cute Seattle…take it :P

You can call me Larry, I am trying to think back to some of the break ups and what I did. It sounds like you like to do a lot of things. Was there anything that you wanted to do that he did not?

Forget all those questions about your relationship unless you have some open issues. You have to look toward you freedom and its meaning. Now you have the opportunity to find exactly what you want and get what you want, within reason. since you aren’t getting back together do not talk about what he would not do with you, just begin doing it.

yes all this will pass, but you should take this time to heal yourself properly. Think about what you learned in this relationship, take time to enjoy yourself by yourself, say for half a year, and then you’ll be a new woman.

seattlegrl wrote:
Thanks Sagezza…:)

Is that an invitation? Yes?!?! Sweeeeet. Stiiilll got it! lol

So Seattle, do you know why you are upset?… I mean, do you *really* know why? (And you know me, :-) I am of course not being rude when I say that. It is a real question. And the answer is not always obvious, and the obvious answer is not always correct)

That’s what I like about this site. You can vent or just express yourself.It may be hard to move on but you can do it. Start looking at the things that you love like music and just go there and throw caution to the wind and enjoy the music.

everything you are doing is normal just remember its temporary. You never really know if a person is the right one…sooo many people lie very well. The point is find the signs early on and get out off dodge.

Saggezza wrote:

seattlegrl wrote:
Thanks Sagezza…:)

Is that an invitation? Yes?!?! Sweeeeet. Stiiilll got it! lol

So Seattle, do you know why you are upset?… I mean, do you *really* know why? (And you know me, :-) I am of course not being rude when I say that. It is a real question. And the answer is not always obvious, and the obvious answer is not always correct)

i’m so cheering for you sagezza… :P

like uhh…the law of attraction. People have told me that before. I just have to stop caring about being with a guy or having a lot of good friends and that’s when it will happen but how can I not think about it. I think you’ll get back on your feet again…just get out as much as you can make yourself. Go get a drink at the local…watering hole? maybe there will be a few interesting guys. That’s the best way I pick up after a break up

that’s the first time someone has said thank you…and it definitely made me smile. That’s all the world needs, more compliments and love. Everyone just needs to send a little extra love and encouragement your way and you’ll be back in the business in no time. I say you get all dressed up and get saggezza to take you on a date. Just flaunt what you’ve got, based on your picture it shouldn’t take long. You need some cat calls….
Men, it’s all you. Make this woman smile!

Well, from everything you’ve said so far, it sounds as though you are suffering from a sever case of “Humanity”. :-)

Now, that is NOT to demeen your current emotional state in the slightest. We humans are able to go through extremely traumatic and emotional periods, and are able to come out stronger in the end.

It also sounds like you caryy little, or no, anger toward your ex. You seem to focus all of the blame on yourself (is that accurate?). I am that way, to the N’th degree, but I am also a very logical person who can set aside feelings until I can fully justify my feelings to myself…(I sound pretty boring, don’t I)…

…But, not everyone is built that way. You have all the right in the world to offload some of the blame you are carrying, and put it on him, until you can deal with it later. Litterally, the previous sentence is *exactly* what you do in your mind.

I’m still processing what it means, that you are feeling unable to get off the couch, so to speak. I’ll reply again in a few :-)

P.S. I’m a pretty snowboarder, and teacher. hehe

I think that’s bullocks. No way should you have to accept loneliness and sadness before they’ll get to be with someone. I think it just takes time and confidence. maybe try filling your life with a ton of stuff….dance lessons or like, knitting scarfs for homeless kittens…just do a ton and then you won’t have time to think about being unhappy and then…when your not looking everything will fall into place. I understand you can’t just jump into something. But I really do think cat calls have the ability to heal the woman quicker than a lot of other things ;)

Saggezza wrote:
P.S. I’m a pretty snowboarder, and teacher. hehe

Pretty GOOD snowboarder… GOOD… Not a “pretty” snowboarder… D4mn, I messed that one up. lol

I feel the same way. how does one achieve non-needy-ness ?

Nobody, not one human being, lacks Needy-ness (that’s a word right? I saw it in the Journal Nature hehe).

Again, it is all based on perception and pespective… Some people *need* to be needed, and need to be emotionaly involved. Notice I did not say “emotionaly involved with another person”. :-)

Others, on the other hand, *need* to feel secure in their independance. These people have just as much needy-ness (hehe) as everyone else. However, their needy-ness is displayed in a different way.

Consider this… A person who is happiest when they are deeply emersed in emotion is trying to exist in a relationship with someone who needs their independance and distance. Who is the needy one???

You a strong woman and you can get through this

Ouch! that’s a hard one. I know this is probably hard, but just try to keep yourself busy. Btw although you miss somebody you love, don’t rush into a relationship.

Saggezza wrote:
Nobody, not one human being, lacks Needy-ness (that’s a word right? I saw it in the Journal Nature hehe).

Again, it is all based on perception and pespective… Some people *need* to be needed, and need to be emotionaly involved. Notice I did not say “emotionaly involved with another person”. :-)

Others, on the other hand, *need* to feel secure in their independance. These people have just as much needy-ness (hehe) as everyone else. However, their needy-ness is displayed in a different way.

Consider this… A person who is happiest when they are deeply emersed in emotion is trying to exist in a relationship with someone who needs their independance and distance. Who is the needy one???

I don’t want to be perceived as needy….or clingy…or desperate. But I think I come off that way..

It hurts, it sucks. I too have just broken up with someone I love and somedays, it takes all my energy just to get out of bed. It will get better but in the meantime, allow grief in as keeping it at bay will only make things worse in the long run. This was not your fault and beating yourself up will not make things better. Trust me, I’ve been down that road. It’s ok to be sad, angry, rage, heartbroken. It is not ok to blame yourself. Let the grief and the anger take their course, surround yourself with people who you trust and can just sit with you and if nothing else, hold your hand or be with you in these times. You will get through this storm, and you will be ok. The in-between stages are the worst. Yes, weekdays are the easiest to get through. Work, errands, rat races are all tools one uses to keep the pain and thoughts of loneliness at bay. For me, weekends are the hardest too as it’s the time when I have the most time to think, to miss him. You will be ok, and even though this road seems impossible, trust yourself, find your inner light and it will carry you through. I’m sorry that you are going through this. You are not alone, and I hope you can find solace.

Yes, it gets better.

When i was in high school, i went out with a girl for over a year. It’s not five years and it was only high school, but it was a long time for me. And it was my first relationship, so that made it harder. She left me and i felt like i was slowly being crushed for about two months. Maybe even longer. Heck, it probably lasted that whole semester. I don’t really remember… it’s not a time i wanted to remember.

After i was starting to feel ok again, she wanted to get back together and then told me that she had cheated on me and broke up with me to go out with the guy. When things with him didn’t work out she came back to me. I was crushed all over again, so I turned her down. I probably felt worse than when she had dumped me. I had to stay home from school because i felt like picking fights, knocking over trash cans, just making a scene that i knew i would regret later. I had never felt anything like that before, and i knew enough about psychology to know that what I wanted was a cry for help. I talked to the school counselor and then went home.

My ex also told me a few personal things and that all made it worse because it showed me that she was a completely different person than she pretended to be the whole time we were going out. That was another month or so of feeling like garbage. i don’t have to explain that feeling to you, since you already know it.

The whole point is that i don’t know about you, but i wish i had never met the girl. Nevertheless, even though it took a long time (it felt like forever), I got over it. There wasn’t any magic formula or anything that i did really. It just took a LOT of time. All you can do is try to make it hurt as little as possible when it DOES hurt. For that, it helped me to have someone to talk to. My parents never hesitated to spend a half an hour to me just hearing my thoughts and telling me how i didn’t deserve what she did. If you don’t have a friend or family member you can talk to about that, you might consider counseling. I know for a fact that i would have gone to counseling if i didn’t have anyone else to go to. it’s got a stigma attached to it, but if you’ve never gone, know that it can really help to have someone to talk to.

Sorry i haven’t read the above replies…

But you need to plan what you are going to do sundays. Ring someone up, say im feeling down right now and i am struggling every time sunday comes around can you take me out?

you cant sit at home feeling sad. You have to change what you usually do.

Were here for you though hun *hugs*

Hi,
I know how you feel!!! I am just out of a 13 year relationship with my husband. In October, I found out that he molested my daughter when she was 15. I am soo numb all the time and I don’t want to do anything. We are selling our house and I am afraid of being on my own with two younger children. We will probably end up on welfare!! I have some good friends that call me once a week so try and lean on your friends and family if you have some close by. Try to keep busy. My problem is that I am on stress leave from work so I have tons of time to wallow in self-pity( and I am very good at it!!!)Take care of yourself and write me if you need too okay?

there is still time for you girl 35 and single get on your horse and gallop of on yonder >explanation< get yourself a visa get yourself a passport get yourself a back pack and get yourself moving .The world is still waiting for you and that special person ,Who knows were? Its for you to find out......

You’ve had some really great advice here :)
All I’ll say is that its only been a short time since this relationship ended. I think its perfectly ok to give yourself some time to wallow in what has been lost. Ending a relationship isn’t as easy as say, finding out your favourite show was cancelled. There is so much invested, and losing that can almost feel like a death in a way. Wallow away for a little while, give yourself time to grieve. But don’t let it swallow you up. Like so many other people have said here: get back out there! Theres no better revenge on a cheating partner than to come back better and brighter than ever! Show them what the so stupidly lost out on.

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I just wanted to remind you that you are gorgeous and when you are ready to move on I am sure you will have no problem finding the one who will treat you right.

Hangout with friends and family, find a new hobby or do one you really enjoy. Try not to spend too much time alone is the key. And don’t forget, it’s ok to cry.

its not being alone its that he cheated on you that’s stopping you from moving on not all men are the same put your feet back in the water and find a new fish

seattegrl
I was in a relationship for ten years with a girl I loved very much. Then one day like your situation she cheated on me. Im not going to lie it was rather painful yet looking back 2years later she did me a giant faver. I dont know what the meaning to these life riddles realy is. What I do know is that with each expierience theres a deep evolving that takes place. And to me thats what the life expierience is all about. Atachment to someone or some thing is not a healthy way to live.

seattlegrl wrote:
Thanks so much for all of your kind words and advice! I’m truly grateful for this community and I hope I can give back more than I receive here!

Love, peace and happiness to you ALL!!!!

The way you can give back and return the favour to us is by being happy and well yourself. I hope things all go well :)

hello seattlegrl! thanks for your reply towards my posting. I was married for 5 years i been divorce for four years already and believe me time is your friend unfortunatly its a slow process but eventualy youll get over it. You wont ever forget him but you can forgive and move on best of luck:)

Hi,

It is hard, and there is nothing which can change it..but understand, that person does not worth your tears. you are more stronger,and you will find the best person you wanted to meet. May be it is time for you to move on. Thingss happen in our lives, for a purpose. Try to realise it,and we all live for a short time in this world, and there is no time to worry about things, cheer up, smile, go out, view the world in a different outlook..

may smile be in your face, lips and your mind :)
Kiran