Love help: my girlfriend of ten years committed suicide……………. - Help.com

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Jesus. Oh my god honey. Why did she do it? I can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through, but it must be hell. You really should see a counselor or psychiatrist. They can not only help you through the grieving process, but they can help you get off the drugs too. I’m not going to preach about drug use, that would be hypocritical of me. I “self-medicate” myself. You NEED to talk to someone though. Please don’t wait. Go soon.

Good luck and big hugs.

I…don’t know what to say. I guess I can’t complain about anything, there are problems like yours bigger than my own. Try calling that number posted above (18002738255), talking to someone will probably help.

Also, pray about this. God can help you through anything.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know you are in a lot of pain and nothing we say is going to take it away. I know you are in a lot of pain right now but you are making it worse by turning to the heroin. It is going to kill you. You need to get back on what ever program you were on before. That way you can deal with this. Being high is not going to help you deal with her death.

She would want you to stay clean man. i really hope you can get through this.

Do you have a good relationship with your family? Can you turn to them for emotional support?

getting back to drugs will make you feel much worse about the situation. think about the good times you both shared together. get some help or talk to someone like ppl said up above me. I feel so sorry for you.. but the only way you can and will get through this is talking to someone and getting off the drugs because that makes the problem bigger and worse. call thenumber above, someone can probably help you there or you can look up a psychiatrist. she wouldn’t want you to suffer like this. she loves you a alot and you KNOW she doesn’t want you to kill yourself over it. you will see her again. she gonna visit you and she probably misses u know and doesnt wanna see you suffer. so get OFF the drugs and talk to someone. (like I said 100 times.. drugs will make you feel WORSE and make you suffer more)

don’t worry.. you’ll get through this and feel better about it. I know its hard but you will get through this and dont worry bout it. there are ppl out there that can help you and take u step by step thrugh this situation :]

(((hugs))) :]
you’ll get through it.

I’m real sorry for your lost, I can’t say I know how it feels.
I just hope that you don’t regret going back to heroin now that you lost something special
Think about what your girlfriend would want right now
Do you think she is happy seeing you going back down the road you left with her by your sides.
Try to think of the good times together, it might help you remember her for who she is and why you loved her and why you think she would want you happy and well right now
Think if you were the one that was dead how would you want her to live right now?
Hope you get better
Lots of love!

so sorry to hear of your recent loss.. but hun.. you cant be upset with yourself for grieving.. as grieving is a natural part of healing… so cry… i know that you love her hun.. but instead of taking the drugs to make it through… keep her memory alive… think about the good times that you have had together… all the love that you guys have shared together.. be with people that knew her… that loved her.. and remember that they too are grieving… so you are not alone in it hun… the drugs are only going to make things worse.. pulling you down… you are a survivor of that drug… and you two did it together… keep that in mind.. you did it together… something that you two probably came to a conclusion in believing it to be the best for each of you… dont go back to it… try writing… grab a notebook.. and write down how you feel… let those tears fall… she will always be with you hun… in your heart and mind.. and im sure she is watching over you… wishing the best for you… wanting you to continue the hard work of being sober from the drug.. talk to her… im sure she can hear you.. and keep your eyes open.. and pay attention.. you might just see small clues to her presence being around.. such as things being moved or sounds and smells… lots of hugs hun…

George, i am sorry for the loss. If there could be anything she would want you to do, it is to share your life on Earth– with the living.
Grieve now and tomorrow. In truth, no one knows until when the grieving could take place. But as soon as it is healed, live each day as special as it can be– taking with you the memories of a lost special one. Take care.

For one, heroin won’t help you in the long run. Try to get help for it. And I’m very sorry your girlfriend took her own life. It’s not your fault. There wasn’t anything you could do about it. And it’s horrible that you were the one to find her. Obviously she loved you, and she would want you to be happy and move on. Don’t give up hope, and try to make your life better. It’s okay to be sad and miss her, but know that you can’t change what happened and that it’s not good to worry over things you can’t change. Don’t let it rule your life, as hard as it seems. Make new friends and surround yourself with people that care.

Listen, keeping the “Clean” attitude is what will allow to embrace the moments shared. Simply giving up is not a clear answer or a clouded one. What you need is to morn, keep yourself away from other addicts and reclaim your life. You didnt even expand as to why she commited suicide. You are expressing your feelings more than hers. Do you even know why? If so, what lead you to beleive that she wasnt going to go through with it? These are the things that make you realize you have no control over her decision. So quit blaming yourself. We live, we love we reproduce and we die. This cycle has been in existance since the beginning of time. WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIFE NOT DESTROY IT! I know some of this because im here looking for others input because I have a gun and I want to shoot myself. I have it in my mind that I dont care about the people I affect AT ALL! If she wanted this, she didnt take you into consideration, so dont be a Martyr for “well, what?”. I’m not being harsh because Im an *** that wants to hurt people, im being truthfull and Im not blowing sunshine up your *** like most people. Truth is, I actually care, I can see your pain, but your strong. Come on, getting over heroin is ******* hard! Heroin actually changes your nerves on a biological level to use the drug as a substitute for a missing path of neuro-communication! If you can overcome that, you can do it again and go out there and restart your life. Remember the good times and remove the bad ones… I bet 99.9% of the people here couldnt overcome the addiction… Dont become the statistic either way…

Not easy man. Heroine does help at the beginning. But you already know what the problem is… will you ever be able to stop? How much money are you goin to burn in the meanwhile?

I’ve been clean since end of october now. No substitutive or anything. Not easy man you’ll always miss her. But you WILL learn to live with it. You WILL meet someone else. You WILL fall in love again. And when that happens you want to be clean… and not a self-centered junky (that is what I was).

I wish you all the strength in the world mate

aawww…. the dr’s should have seen the side effects… im sooo sorry hun.. have you yourself been checked for hepatitis? as i know that it is spreadable.. i do believe it is spreadable hun… be sure to be checked…

Know that this person had a mental issue. Even though it may not feel this way, force yourself to remember that your friend did not die to “get rid” of you. They felt they needed to die to get away from themselves (or a situation they could not control anymore), not you. If there was a suicide note, you might want to think about it when you feel they ‘did’ something to you.

Talk to others who knew the person, or others who have experienced the same thing. Strength can be found in numbers. The key is to talk about it and get every emotion — sadness, anger, and others — off your chest.

While your desire will be to stay strong, it is OK to cry. Remember that someone died. It is natural to grieve them just as you would anyone else. The fact that they committed suicide is just an extra factor to your bereavement.

As you slowly come out of the darkness, try to start remembering the good times you had. At first, this will seem to plunge you back into despair and grief. But as time passes, you will look back on these times with some sadness, but happiness too.

Most importantly, try to not think about how they died or their suicide at all. Thinking about it will only make the pain stronger, and the suicide of your friend will most likely show up in your dreams as a sign from your subconscious to drop it. Holding on after the death of something or someone is most unhealthy. Having said that, remember to grieve!

Find a grief counseling center or group if you are having a particularly hard time and have no one to to turn to. It might also help to do this to get a fresh perspective that friends and family of the person who died cannot offer.

While some differ on this idea, many think that staying busy can help move past the grief. While you shouldn’t hide from your emotions by working or staying busy, remaining active can ward off depression and dark thoughts.

My heart grives with you on your lost…if you are ever in need of councle (outside of this site), your local churche/s offer free councling of all sort.

I am so sorry about your loss. Suicide can be particularly difficult to deal with and as you found her I am not surprised that you are choosing going back to your drug use to escape. However, as my co helpers are saying it is not the way. I am posting the number of Cruise bereavement services. Also if you were receiving treatment from a treatment centre do not be afraid to go back and ask for help. This is really a difficult situation and even someone who does not do drugs would have a hard time dealing with it. So, please get help as you will not be able to deal with this by yourself.
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it’s great that you’re getting someone to talk to that knows how to properly help you.
stay with it dude, remember that at the end of this, you’ll come out stronger than before. you never know, this could even be what gets you off heroin for good.
after all you’ve had to go through, i think you’re on the way up from now on.
i really hope for the best for you man, and i believe you can get through this.

well it seems to me like you aint stupid. a lot of people would have fallen into the routine of getting loaded 24/7 to deal with it.

so happy to hear that you will be talking to someone who is educated on missing a loved one.. hopefully you will get a lot of answers that you are seeking hun.. leading to maybe an easier grieving process… not meaning that grieving is easy… but with the right answers.. it does help.. remember, you are in our hearts and minds… and we are always here for you if you need us… many hugs… tammy.

I am glad to hear you made it through today. Just keep taking it day by day.

So good to see you a bit of smiling in your voice. Remember to share more (that’s what i am learning too), the more you talk about it, you’d get a better view over the horizon.

hello goeorge, just thinking how you are today. take care. keep us posted.

george197 wrote:
hi lilies,ive been to have some grief counselling earlier today,it went ok.she was very nice and it helped to talk about things.i havent used drugs for 4 days now so im hoping that the drug thing is out my system.im still very sad tho but am getting there.

Well done! I am sending you encouraging thoughts and hope that you will remain off the drugs. One day at a time. Just take it one day at a time.

george197 wrote:
hi lilies,ive been to have some grief counselling earlier today,it went ok.she was very nice and it helped to talk about things.i havent used drugs for 4 days now so im hoping that the drug thing is out my system.im still very sad tho but am getting there.

i’m really happy you’re getting through this dude. glad to hear that counseling helped, it was a good idea to go there this soon. keep up the progress man, you’re doing a dam good job of dealing with this.

just remember that we’re always here if you need someone to talk to or just wanna let off some steam.

george197 wrote:
hi lilies,ive been to have some grief counselling earlier today,it went ok.she was very nice and it helped to talk about things.i havent used drugs for 4 days now so im hoping that the drug thing is out my system.im still very sad tho but am getting there.

IM SO PROUD OF YOU….. great big hugs hun….

I am sorry you relapsed again. Do you have a NA group were you can go to meetings? I know my brother-in-law goes almost everyday and the support helps him make it through the day. He has a loving family and that does not always help him. It just makes him feel more guilt for hurting them. But like I tell him, guilt is not going to help you, it will only pull you further down. Forgive yourself and get back up. Love and support from me to you.

babacup wrote:
Forgive yourself and get back up.

best advice i’ve heard for a long time.

OK, so you used today. Tommorrow is another day ………… A day at a time.

~hugs george really hard~ = )

Hang in there george you seem to be doing fine, you may still have more to do. Don’t give up, do it for her.

Today is a new day. Stay strong.

hope all is going well hun…. lots of cyber hugs…. shie

you are welcome hun… sometimes we need one… so i thought i would pass one along to ya..

hi george, there’s nothing i can say to make it better in any way, but you have really touched me and i am thinking of you…..

give yourself time, take all the time you need.

When everything seems so pointless I can understand you reasoning there being no point in avoiding gear, especially as it has the ability to obliterate…but four years is a long time clean and no small achievement…try to hold onto that achievement.
I went to a grief counsellor when my Dad died, it was ok short term, I changed to seeing a clinical psychologist (able to prescribe drugs if appropriate and more practical in coping strategies) maybe it’s worth looking into that? maybe there’s something less addictive that can get you through the worst? The clynical psychologist worked for me (although I understand it is a case of finding somebody you feel you can trust an open up to so if that’s the counsellor then stick with her) it was, still is, a long road but two years later I feel like I am at least connected to my own personality again….

Anyway, that’s me and you are you, my heart goes out to you, please look after yourself and try to keep things ticking over, keep talking, just keep going even though at times it will seem futile and blind, there is a light at the end of the tunnel it’s just a ******* long tunnel.

george197 wrote:
this is the worst thing that could have ever happened to me,it makes me wonder what have i ever done to deserve this.thanks for youre kind words and sympathy

i have a small question for you hun… and im not a religious person by any means… but have you ever heard that when its your time… god wants you home regardless of the loved ones that you have here on earth. i do believe that we are here because we have to live and learn how to deal with certain things in our lives before we can finally go to heaven.. and maybe….. just maybe… she was here for you two to share a love like no other… and you guys made a wise choice to stop using a few years ago.. and maybe, once god saw that you two have made it… i mean.. actually made it… her quest on earth was done.. and god wanted her home.. as hard as it is to lose someone we love…. it just seems so out of our control… and now is your test in life… to show every one that the commitment that you two came to abide by… to stop using is still something that you can and will stick by… i dont mean to preach by any means… for i am not a religious person by any means… but… this part, i do believe.. and maybe it can find a bit of comfort in your heart. if you two chose to quit, then show her that you intend on keeping your promise. if you get the urge, grab a notebook and write… write down your feelings, let the tears fall, you will find that it will help you heal but it will also keep you occupied so that maybe you wont use. i have found that writing when sad helps so much.. because you can actually get your feelings out and no one is going to yell at you back…

i know honey.. and the love that you have for her is amazing… i see it each time you write.. i didnt mean to make you cry.. im sooo sorry. ~tear~… what an amazing person you are… and please believe that she is still with in you… your heart and mind.. and is watching over you. i have the 6th sense… dont know how to control it.. but.. i have seen things that come my way… and i do know… that sometimes.. if you sit back.. and be patient.. there are signs of her still there… little smells.. things being moved around the house… noises…

Hello George, i don’t know how to make this all better for you. There are too many things anyone could not explain but they happen in one’s life. I too have my own share with that. I understand the fury. I understand the madness you feel about all these things. People will always have a touch in our lives, but there are times when they themselves go and leave to one direction that they are destined to go or they themselves have chosen to go. And that is still part of life that no one can ever explain why.

But when they are gone, when anything is gone, we learn from them, we learn to take baby steps to live our lives in the way we should be.

Take your time George. There is no hint of pity here. We care for you. Take your time. it is such a struggle. But have more hope, don’t let go of it. we will be with you each day.

you are sooo welcome hun… yes.. as for the poster falling and the smell… these are signs to let you know that she is ok.. to let you know that she is there with you..

as i said preiviously.. i have this 6th sense.. and even though i do not know how to use it… all the messages as you could say.. come to me when they want too… let me tell you a little story.. and i really hope that this will help you..

I am getting emotional with your story. Don’t hesitate to tell us what’s up with you.You are always welcome.:)

my grandfather died when i was 12 years old.. through all the molestation and the beatings from my parents.. my grandpa was my hero.. not only telling me.. but showing me that i was a person.. he was my hero.. but then he died.. and for the longest time.. i was soooo mad at him for leaving me to deal on my own.. eventually as i grew.. i realized that this is all god’s plan.. and it wasnt his fault..

when i was about 24 years old. i went to bed like normal.. and although i was sleeping… in my bed… my soul had left my body.. they are called.. out of body experiences.. and i was standing by a tree on my grandpa’s land.. and when i looked over.. on this huge rock, covered with moss.. that i once played on as a child… there i stood with my grandfather.. i remember hearing me tell him… you arent real.. how come i cant go through you… as i touched him… as i watched our conversation going on… everything went mute… not one word could be heard… and all i felt was peace… love … and happiness.. there was no worries… no issues… no problems… it was the most amazing feeling that i have ever ever ever felt… i then saw my grandpa hugging me as i started crying…

the next day, i saw my grandma.. and not only did i have this experience.. but so did she and my sister.. (the same night).. it was a message from my grandfather.. the following day, we all found out that my dad was dying.. as the dr called to tell him that he had issues… and had 3 years to live..

but the moral of this little story… and im not sure if you believe me or not.. but this is true.. and if what i felt was indeed what you feel in heaven… then.. i surely cant wait to go… it really truly was an amazing feeling that i have never felt before…

george197 wrote:
i bought two tickets for a concert ,one for me one for her,her name is philippa btw so i dont have to keep saying her and she,phil for short,my phil..but anyway i was going to go with phil but as she is not here to use her ticket do you think i should go,she would want me to go do you think?its tomorrow night.and i want everyone to know her name so shes not forgotten..philippa jane green,and i love her always.

aawwwww… thank you for telling us her name… and no.. she will never be forgotten hun.. even by those who did not know her… as for your concert.. she would want you to continue on hun… and if this is something that you two were going to do together… then why not take this moment… for the both of you. do you have a friend that would go with you..

I feel honored to know her name. Thank you for sharing her with us. It does feel so special.

george197 wrote:
,oh boy i wish i could see her just for 1 min even,even in a dream,anything.

Yes, go to the concert. I am sure she does like to see you happy. Get a friend to join you at the concert. :)

make sure you let us know how it goes… you should take a camera.. and take pictures.. keeping the memory alive… also.. who knows.. what you might catch on film… my grandma died shortly before my older brother got married.. and in one of the pictures… (several shot from the same camera.. of the same pose).. showed a huge orb on my face… who knows what you might catch.. on this special night..

one picture showed the orb.. even though.. there were several pictures of the same pose… from the same camera…

awesome… enjoy hun.. not only the concert.. but yourself as well… ok?

you are welcome….

well hun.. have to go get dinner started… as my boyfriend is coming home from work in a about an hour.. but i will be back soon if you are still on.

thank you hun… i hope he realizes that himself… as he is the first person that i have ever been with that treats me the way he does… its only taken me 33 years to find him… lol… told him he is stuck with me… lol..

dude i’m not sure what you’ll think of it, but when this is all a different situation, and you’re completely back on your feet, maybe you should write like a book or something about it all?
i tell ya man it’s a very inspiring story.

i’m just in awe of how strong a person you are to be honest. i don’t know many people that would handle this whole thing as well as you are.

george197 wrote:
i sometimes think that she was an angel sent down to help me get my life on track

that’s beautiful. people like that never really leave, in your heart.

just wanted to wish you lots of enjoyment at the concert… great big hugs..

george197 wrote:
hi,i had a really good time last night at concert,i forgot all my troubles for 3 hours while i was there.it wouldve been nice to go with phil but aside from that was the best night ive had in ages,i felt back to my old self for the evening.

That is nice, i am really glad you enjoyed the concert. Wherever she is, she wants you to enjoy the length of time you are bound to stay on Earth. :) the old self will come back, of course with her memories. But you will soon find something else worth living for. New hopes. New dreams. :)

Thank you for always coming back to tell us how you are doing.

george197 wrote:
hi,i had a really good time last night at concert,i forgot all my troubles for 3 hours while i was there.it wouldve been nice to go with phil but aside from that was the best night ive had in ages,i felt back to my old self for the evening.

although tough… im soooo happy that you had fun and enjoyed atleast a few hours… i got goosebumps when i read your reply above… because it just lets you have hope back… i hope you see that. and i hope that you see… its only the beginning… to know that you can keep phil in your heart and mind… and still be able to live life… and although the grieving part is not over… its just the beginning…

did you happen to take a camera with you? just wondering..

great big hugs… love shie

that is awesome news hun… im so happy for you….

you are so welcome hun…

Hey George,

i’ve just read all of the replies above and all of your words.

i am so sorry for all the loss in your heart. i hope that you can stay clean … in the future… i’ve lost so many close friends to the works… and i don’t think your phil would want that for you.

you seem like such a peaceful person, i hope you stay that way!

if you ever need a listener, shout to me!!

take care of yourself!

xxoxx

so how are you doing today hun? hope things are a bit better for you…

so glad to hear that … im so proud of you… as for living with parents… do what you have to do until you are strong enough emotionally… you owe yourself that… as for me… eeehh.. im alright… chilling out, smoking a cigarette.. and thinking about taking a hot shower.. and letting it stream on my back..

Hun, I feel the pain, but, boy after 10 years I think u should have proposed to her ad I know that not the reason why this occurred but its my opinion and I know it might not have a lot to do with ur post and all but I just think affter maybe umm 3-4 years u should have. make a commitment! (its too late now Hun)

luv ya!
u’ll get through it Hun!!!

{hugsssss!!}

Anonymous wrote:
Hun, I feel the pain, but, boy after 10 years I think u should have proposed to her ad I know that not the reason why this occurred but its my opinion and I know it might not have a lot to do with ur post and all but I just think affter maybe umm 3-4 years u should have. make a commitment! (its too late now Hun)

luv ya!
u’ll get through it Hun!!!

{hugsssss!!}

what the hell?

thats so sweet! paper dont need to prove it.. thats true love, George. ur a good man and we r all here for u =)

Anonymous wrote:
Hun, I feel the pain, but, boy after 10 years I think u should have proposed to her ad I know that not the reason why this occurred but its my opinion and I know it might not have a lot to do with ur post and all but I just think affter maybe umm 3-4 years u should have. make a commitment! (its too late now Hun)

luv ya!
u’ll get through it Hun!!!

{hugsssss!!}

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? how rude can you honestly be?? you really should feel so dam* ashamed of yourself.

Anonymous wrote:
Hun, I feel the pain, but, boy after 10 years I think u should have proposed to her ad I know that not the reason why this occurred but its my opinion and I know it might not have a lot to do with ur post and all but I just think affter maybe umm 3-4 years u should have. make a commitment! (its too late now Hun)

luv ya!
u’ll get through it Hun!!!

{hugsssss!!}

dude, sooooo unacceptable. keep your critisism to yourself… only encouragement here!! sheesh.

george197 wrote:
hey i dont think it wouldve made a diff whether we were married or not,at the end of the day shes still gone,and im still sad.

well… isnt it concidered marriage after 7 years?? its classified as common law marriage… so there… you two were married… and you are right… a piece of paper does not prove your love… infact… sometimes.. it can make things worse… (such as my case).. but… marriage is not what counted here.. it was the love that you guys shared together as one… it just makes me so mad when someone could post a comment with out having a heart of any kind… lots of hugs george..

Hey george197. How are you doing? I hope you are a little better. Your story is so sad and I really felt sad. So ofcourse you might still feel sad. But remember that there are people who care about you and she cared about you. So now you are living for her too.

But remember one thing, you must make her dying worthy. And you have to live in a better way for her. Smile for her too bc she might be watching after you and she would be happy to see you are doing ok.

I believe that there is heaven and that people will meet the ones they love there.

I strongly believe that there is heaven. And I always pray for people I love to go there.

Well she might have gave up. And people always do that at weak moments in their lives. You must not give up. Try to do whatever makes you feel stronger.

Everybody have someone they miss. And that’s the sad part of life. But do you know? You could do something about it. You could still talk to her you know? Maybe if you talk to her, you’ll feel better. Like just imagine she is there and talk. She wouldn’t answer but you will feel better I believe.

You could do something for her, like you could do something she always wanted to do. Rituals help us to feel better when we miss people we lost.

Hey George? Don’t you have friends whom you can talk to? That will make you feel better I believe.
I know you talk to us sometimes and we are here for you, but like long talks would make you feel much more better.

George, I was thinking. When we love someone and have that relationship where two and intertwined as one. But still two people. There is a connection that does not end with death. You still have that connection even if Phil is not physically here. I know death can not end the connection I have with my husband. You miss her but you still have that part of her with you. It will never leave you. You will move forward in life and eventually even have new relationships but that will not take away from what you have. I think about you a lot pray for you. I send love, peace and support your way. I hope you are receiving it.

I do pray to “GOD”, but maybe not in the sense you are referring to. My God does not Move us around like we are pieces on a game board. My God is a source and does not take or give just provides. IF that makes sense for you. I do not believe in hell so in by world she is fine. When I send prays I guess it is like I am asking this source to provide for you the things I am asking of it.
Being angry at God is a normal part of grieving. So let him have it if you need to. Have you gone to any more grief counciling?

No offense taken. I am glad the counseling is helping.

as far as being in the pit today george… take it one day at a time… thats all that you can do… hang in there… it will get easier as time goes on… i promise… keep your chin up.. and stay strong… lots of love.. shie.

Hi George, I hope you are feeling better today…lots of love from me too….Maybe you must try talking to her now with a smile….like how would Phil feel if you are crying. She would be sad, so smile for her :) and for us too. Please don’t cry…please…we love you…

hey hun.. how have you been? havent heard from you in a while… hope things are going ok for you… many hugs.. love shie.

have not heard anything of you for a few weeks mate, hope you’re alright.

I am so sorry to hear o f your loss. Wow this is weird but I can identify with you. Have’nt felt that before. With my lil bro it was’nt suicide it was just tragic. Look I know I do’nt have the answers but I know clouding my the anymore than it already is while mournnig ca’nt be a good thing for you in the long run. I do Identify with the need for that immediate escape from reality. I have surpassed what would have been an increase in my marijuana and alcohol use. It’s making me more out there to. I contemplate suicide still I think the people that know me my family will feel this in my case again. I know I ca’nt inflict this type of pain on anyone else. To know I will make people who know me feel the same way I do. I ca’nt I just tell myself he’s gone and he is not coming back no matter what I do. What helped me the most is my tattoo. My lil bro’s name is in my arm got there this year so every year on his b’day the day he entered my life I will add a new charm. Maybe you should try this. In the beginning it also reminds you yes this is real. Helps me to cope. Check my blogs we should be friends. I think we could help each other. oh and 1 more thing …….smile for no reason, you’ll be smiling for her.

George,

I haven’t read everything on this page. I was doing a search for the loss of a boyfried to suicide. I lost my boyfriend of 5 years two months ago to suicide. I’ve been trying to find someone who is experiencing the same thing I am to talk to. I feel so completely alone and I’ve been trying to put on this “I’m okay” face for my family and friends, but I’m not and it might be helpful to talk. He and I were in the same situation that I saw you mentioned. We did not believe in marriage. If you or anyone that has posted on here that is in the same situation, would like to talk, I would really appreciate it. I hope that you’re doing alright and I believe I can say that I know what you’re feeling.

Marisha

Sorry for your loss. I don’t know what to say but try to talk to someone and for what it’s worth I will say a prayer for you. God bless

I think the greiving you have for her is honest, you need help with drug addiction and a cousellor whom you can talk with to clear your head and set you in the right direction, people help and you need too get off the drugs

Reading this makes me realise what i will do if i kill myself… Just makes me more confused but still..

Two years ago, my boyfriend of three years committed suicide. I had many of the same thoughts as you - that I may never stop crying or being in the worst pain of my entire life. I didn’t consider suicide myself, because I was so **** angry with him for doing that to me - for leaving me like that - that I knew I would NEVER want to cause that kind of hurt for anyone, no matter what. I saw a therapist, but it didn’t help much. I went through the motions of every day - and drank…A LOT. And then one day, I got really mad, and I shouted at him as if he were standing right there before me. I told him “It’s not my fault! I’m not a mind reader and I couldn’t have known! I’m sorry you didn’t know you could trust me to tell me what was going on, but I refuse to take responsibility for this - I refuse to feel guilty! It was your responsibility to tell someone what was going on in your head, not everyone else’s responsibility to guess how messed up you were!!” I screamed at him and cried until there was nothing left to say. And little by little, every day after that got just a tiny bit better. (A barely noticable amount, but better.) I started to drink less, and go for long walks (exercise releases endorphins, which make you “happy” or whatever) and over time (like about 9 months after he died) I started to come out of the depths and rejoin the rest of the world.

You are stronger than you think you are. You have reserves of strength and courage that you don’t even know exist, and you can get through this. She screwed it all up - not you.

I am so sorry to hear that. Believe it or not I know how you feel.
I lost my daughter 2 years ago and I too thought I’d never get over it. But I have much to do here on earth. I found that when I started thinking of the good times we shared and the gift that God had given me in her. It became much easer to let her go. She was tired and I was being selfish. She left me a 3week old baby and told me 2weeks before she passed that his hands were her hands and that she had this dream that she was up in the clouds and she saw people who had gone before she and I. But I was not there and would be there in a little while. now that little while is what bothers me so much because I don’t know how long that is. Any way you will see her again. Why not try to finish something that she started so when your turn comes a you meet her again she will have something to be proud of you for. Sorry for the run ons.
P.S. read your Bible
and know that God would
not put any more on you
than you can handle
I wish you well
Darlene
414-264-1822

I am sorry to hear all that you have been through. I will keep you in my prayers always. SOmething that has help me through a lot is a little saying: Don’t tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how Big your God is.

I know it is not much but you cannot go on regretting your life. Live for both of you.

I know, cant make sense of it, I know. I am waiting on DNA from a friend that has been missing since Nov 2nd. He called twice and disapeared. They found bone and we wait. The police think its suicide. I don’t know what to think and can’t make sense of it either, Im sorry. I know how you feel. Im so sorry. It sure hurts, huh?

I am so sorry to hera that. I also read your other posts on her natural death. My best friend commited suicide about 7 years ago a week before my 25 birthday. He was so smart and kind and the bets person you would ever want to know. I feel your pain and I can say it gets better, but it takes time.

I’m real sorry about best friend who committed suicide. He was really smart and had goals but its was cause he thought he was ugly and he told me that girls didn’t like him and i tried to help him as much as i could i wasn’t able to stop him when he shot himself. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a gf especially someone that close but i would call that number and see if it would help!

My Friend name was John. John was not born blind, but lost his sight at about 12 years of age. His older brother James shot in point blank (about 6 feet if I remember correctly) in the face with a 357 hand gun. It destroyed his face and he lost not only his sight, but sense of smell too. John though he was hidieous, but he looked as normal as possible. In fact his glass eye was so real looking you couldswear he could see out of it. Yes I think he thought he was ugly, but had more girlfriends then I did. He always had to take meds incuding antidepresants and he liked to drink. One day he went ahopping at a local grocery store too but Yellow Roses for his fiance and asked where they were. (This is all from the cab drivers mouth. Blind people sometimes get escorted, buy cab drivers and to help them find stuff.) The clerk was very rude and said ” They’re right in front of you are you blind or something?” Well I am carrying this cane because I am def not blind you ******* moron and then turned to his driver and requested a beer. He bought 2 Fosters and drank one one the way home and finished the other at home. It mixed with his neds and he could not take it anymore and killed himself. About 2 hours later his family came home and found him. What sucks about it his future step-daughter 12 at the time found him first. I feelJohn’spain,b ut he did not think about anyone, but himself. I miss him and hope he is in a better place. If youhave anymore queries you can always ask.

Jay in Texas

Death is a terrible experience for any human being. I don’t know you wel George, but I pray you make it through. The first thing Satan desires is for one to contemplate suicide to complete the problems that we feel are so great, we can’t bare them. But you kno what hun, our life is not our own, Its the Lords and he has granted us it to be a light upon others. Loosing our companion is going to be tough, because it was very unexpected, but u know what through every hardship, their is a lesson to be learned and a mistake to learn from. You can cry to release, but you know what,u need to. Releasing helps you push out what negative feelings you posses to become a better person. So don’t kill yourself sir, I’m sure your girlfriend would want u to live prosperously, and dwell telling her legacy, and even though it feels asthough she’s abandoned you or just walked out without a warning, u now have this story to tell others, so they can cope when it gets hard. This will be a challenge, but ur life is too precious to waste.. U used to be a heroin addict, and u have overcome it. N eventhough you may have turned back, u see it isn’t helpin because u don’t need it. There is a prominent future ahead of you, that u want to be embrasive to and be open for change. But with every ounce of happiness comes pain and tragedy, to test us, and make us determine do we go through it to gain more knowledge and prove to ourselves that we can make it through anything, or do we give up. The choice is ours, but the right one is to go through it and live from it. I send my condolences even though I don’t know u, and may your girlfriend rest in peace. Just know your life isn’t over, even no was it may feel it is. U can get through this, I know there is a strong character somewhere inside you that will help u make it through. Don’t focus on why she did it, but more on now that she’s gone you will still live representing her love n the things that she’s taught u and what u brought 2 eacthother, to teach to others. I support u bettering ur life, and turning you back on old habits and things that try to keep u in bondage. The first steps to freedom is repeatance until its gained, and altering the mind so that it follows ur commands and you not follow its. Be strong, hold on, better days are here, even when in fear. Hold ya head up. ~Peace~

omg…I am so sorry…

Heya dude, just stopping by to say hi and I hope you’re still doing alright.
:D

I am so sorry! I know how devastating it can be when someone close to you commits suicide, and I also know that there are people everywhere that can help you, that care. My uncle committed suicide on Christmas Eve a few years ago. He had some emotional problems, but he seemed to be doing better. In fact, he actually seemed really happy! Then my aunt found him and called us, and it was horrible. We all thought he was so happy. Also, I’ve had a few friends commit suicide. I’m still in high school, and you wouldn’t believe the amount of people every year that kill themselves. It is so confusing and it almost feels unreal. You need to get to a place where you can get into the routine of a normal life. You need to surround yourself with happy people that make you feel good about yourself, and you need to have fun. Don’t do anything that you would feel guilty about later, though. It may seem like fun at first, but it can make things so much worse. Are you affiliated with any religion? I know that that helps me so much in times where it feels like I can’t keep going on. Please let me know how you are doing!

Recently i had someone very close to me commit suicide. All i wanted to do was shut myself in my room and lose all contact with the world. My sister was my savior.she showed me that i wasn’t the only one grieving and all of us were able to hold together by having eachother. I know it’s really difficult. You should find someone to hold onto for sanity. That’s what i did. it helped me make sense of the whole situation. I hope you get clean…

Hi George. I don’t know how long ago you had this happen to you, but I just came across your post and wanted you to know that unfortunately you are not alone. My fiancee committed suicide, and sadly I walked in right as he was pulling the trigger to the gun. It has been almost 15 wks since this happened to me and to be honest the pain is still here. I go to church and I am joining a couple of groups at my church. I find that the nights are the hardest to get through, becuase thats when I’m alone and with noone to call. But you just have to keep telling yourself that you have to keep going because thats what your girlfriend would have wanted and she wouldn’t want you to be back on drugs or to be miserable. Even though it seems very unfair to have to live life without her, thats the only choice she left you with. There had to be something inside of her that she felt like she couldnt get through and felt like she couldn’t tell you about. I know thats what I tell myself to get through the days. And I know that if he couldve grasped reality for even just a moment and thought about what he was about to do and what it would do to me and his family and his son and the child we were about to have, he would never have done this. Now it is my job to keep going even though I was supposed to live life with him, I have to go on alone. And live life as he wouldve wanted me to. I don’t really have any answers, becuase there aren’t any, but I want you to know that you are not alone.

Hi Linda, I wrote the posting above yours and unfortunately I know what you’re going through. All of the stuff that you are saying is exactly what I was dealing with and going through. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that there are answers to your questions, because we will never know what they were thinking and I think thats part of what makes it so hard is not knowing. Not knowing that there was a problem of this size wieghing on thier minds that they ******* talk about. I don’t know you or your friend but I would venture to guess that if she could’ve gotten herself into a mind state for even 10 seconds where she could think clearly and realize what she was about to do to herself, her family, and to you her best friend- then she would not have done that. I don’t think that people who do what our loved ones have done, actually think about what they’re doing and the finality of it all. At the time, it just seems like a temporary relief. That is my best guess.
I just want you to know that you’re not alone, and all those things that you do like scream, sob, cry- crying all night- that is EXACTLY what I did after I walked in on my fiancee doing the same thing. But I also want you to know that somehow I have picked up myself and my heart, even though me and me heart are and never will be whole or the same again, I have decided that I cannot stay in this state of living forever. It seems soooo impossible to think about picking up the pieces, but somehow we find the stregth to do it. I have decided to take a yoga class and a kickboxing class, something to get my mind off of it. I have found that sitting around the house thinking about it, only makes it worse because I relive it over and over again like an excruciating nightmare that I can never wake up from. I figure that even though I may never stop thinking about it, I can do things to keep my mind off of it for extended amounts of time, kind of like an emotional vacation. At first it will seem extremely impossible to do anything but sit around and think about it all, the whole situation before, after, what you had, what you lost…but there will come a day that you will go out and do something with someone or even alone and even if for just a moment, you will smile and from there you can let yourself realize that its okay to smile without her and that you are somehow able to smile without her. I don’t know if this has helped you at all, but if you need anything, anything, anything at all just post it up here or email me because like I said, I know exactly what you are going through and exactly everything that you are saying I can literally put myself in your shoes. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

george197,

Keep hanging in there.

ohevshalomel

George197,
Although I can’t totally know where you are coming from I can relate. Three weeks ago I lost my best friend to suicide. Alcohol, depression, and drugs played a part of his life. I walked with him as substance abuse and mental illness ripped his life apart. I do not have an addictive personality. At times I couldnt understand. But I never gave up on him. He went to rehab with me by his side. 4 months sober. Life was all coming together for him. Something happened. He broke and gave in to suicide. I hurt so much at times I cant stand it. But I also know that it cant be all about me. I try everyday …one minute, one hour and one day at a time to remind myself this is not what he would want me to be doing.I need to live for him as he would want me to do. It is the hardest thing I have done in my 45 years. BUT I have to do it for him. I loved him that much. Everyone grieves in there own way and time. Please talk to a friend or clergy. It is a hard place to be … being a survivor to suicide. I have done alot of reading and alot of confiding in my friends. Talk awbout your lost one everyday…not just the bad…fill your mind with the fun positive memories…I hope this helped somewhat. Try hard to climb out of the dark hole and live for your friend.
I find get relief in the serenity prayer especially because my recovering addict lived by it through recovery. MAybe it will help you to.