Love help: I’m in a similar situation - or rather somewhat like it. - Help.com

Thanks - that how i feel - I feel so aukward though - dont know if I could e-mail her - I feel more comfortable IMing her - is this OK ???

I’m in england - she is in iowa mid west usa ???

lol - well it makes for a difficult meeting :)

Well I’ll start out with the Im - and see how that goes - no ?

Maybe e-mail her if I dont see her online soon…

Just as all this started for us both - NEW - so these feelings are new teritory for me …. sigh - humanity.

and I’m 43 and clergy - she’s 25 and just starting a great tech career…..

THANKS -

But my agony is this question - should love - as such as this is - always be acted on - is it always good ???

The feelings are real - but -

Well I’ll talk to her……

very true :P

I love your poem BTW

confused as it is….

Forever ! - poem

great poem

and again thanks

Well thanks for the advice - she does have a bf - after all its 4 years ago and she’s all grown up now.

It will be just friends I guess, unless cupid has more in store for later - she no longer has those feelings for me….

I’am both ok and yet sad… but will be ok ….. I’ll just have to integrate this love differently into my life.

Cheers.

I dont understand……what do you mean please ?

It has been 4 years - we are 5000 mile apart - she has a bf - new life and experiances. I dumped her all confused 4 years ago and now find myself in the pathetic position of telling her i still love her - now she has a new life and says that sure it was great 4 years ago, but now she has grown up and experianced life those feelings she had for me are just not there. We can be friends only…. when she told me this i took it OK - but this night is awful… I feel stommped, I guess much as she did 4 years ago.
Well 4 years ago i felt awful too telling her despite my love it could not be - but i thought it was the right thing to do - now it is my turn to have my feelings culled. We talked on and off, but not like this….. God help me !

Sorry to cry like this…. the words just pour out…

Is there any chance or is this dead ??? and if there is how do i do this ?

HELP - please give me some empathy or something to help me integrate and move on cos I am so much pain right now.
I had a hell of a night - awful - I was ok talking to her - but the realities of loss sunk in and I’m crying and God seems so far away at the moment……

Charles.. wrote:
my advice is simply to tell her. one reasons is because you’ve got nothing to lose. if you get rejected and dont get to talk to her anymore, then its time you got over her and moved on. its not healthy to dwell on things that took place 4 years ago. on the other hand, if she loves you too, then congratulations.

you mean talk to her again ? I nocked her socks off with this news allready last nite - and she was very sorry for me…..

please read all my posts above -

Do you still advise me to press this or submit ?

Charles.. wrote:
i still stand for my opinion - say it again and if she rejects you again, then you’ve got no choice

I sent her these - does this qualify or do I need to write something different ???

——
Dear M—-,
I’m sorry to write again, I do not want to upset you in any way and have to accept what you told me.

Just could you say a prayer for me so I can start to integrate and move on cos I am so much pain right now.
I had a hell of a night - awful - I was ok while talking to you - but the realities of this loss have sunk in and I’m crying and God seems so far away at the moment……

If you dont know what to say, I understand - just feeling a real *** I am.
and trying hard to be real - but not feeling srtong enough right now.
Please forgive me and give me time - I’m sure I will be OK.

[I have to get it together - I have an essay to write lol.]

Have a great week M—-,

your friend,

AJF
——–

Charles.. wrote:
i still stand for my opinion - say it again and if she rejects you again, then you’ve got no choice

I ALSO SENT THIS EARLIER :
I also sent this earlier - ie last night :

Dear Mandy,
is was good to talk with you - it is so good to talk with you.
Thank you !

I feel rather pathetic.

I cannot help loving you as I do, and you cannot help loving someone else and not me - the me who dropped you 4 years ago - leaving you in pain talking there alone with —- after my call - the call that made you so happy till I told you it was over - God forgive me ….. I am so sorry my dear. I would not have you change how you live or love now, for you have that right and if I so care for you, your freedom is also precious to me. Live your life fully and with passionate purpose !

Maybe i ought to stop and desist, but I’m in pain - I though I was OK, but it is now my turn to feel to it now.

M—-, if you ever need or want me in any way - ever even change your mind - please seek me out anew !!! - I will not pester you in this - I promise, for I want and need your friendship and presence in my life even if just as a dear friend.

Forgive me for sending you away without due love shown. I suffer now in repentance a pathetic figure of a half man.

Bless you M—-, may your life and love be fully blessed and be whole.

I kiss your hand and beg your forgivness,
in eternal love - your silly English fool,

It must be somewhat nice to have a guy looking to you again like this, despite the situation - maybe as you say a solid freindship can grow here instead…thanks for being so gentle M—-

John

PS - I do apologise and ask you to humor me till i can adjust and integrate - and grow up myself. your friend - John

=======

and the first contact was……

M—-,

Some thoughts from my poor brain :

“”" A few years ago, two good people ‘accidently’ fell in love - not the crush stuff - the real thing.

We had been stuck in a snowstorm at a Star Trek convention with a bunch of others and started to play and flirt a bit, then
one morning it hit us, LOVE - it was wonderful and yet so painful as well as confusing as not only were we both shipping out
to seperate locations that same day, but there were other ‘issues’ seemingly against our being together. We continued to
communicate daily for months before one of us - me - decided that despite my feelings, it was best not to act on them. This
was very painful esspecially as we had not been able to see or be together again at all, but ’seemed’ then to be for the best. We
have kept in touch as friends, unfortunatly less and less as time went by and I have just relocated to the UK 5000 from the
USA where she is in Iowa.
I hav’nt thought about this for a very long while - life got in the way, but I have had lots of time to think of late and I
realize that I still am very much in love with her and expect to remain in love with her always no matter what…
Do I tell her this or is this unfair after 4 years +
I’ve IMed her via Yahoo IM to say I need to talk - but I’am torn as to what I should say let alone do - it is’nt easy to be human.
Here I am in an English monastary trying this vocation/life - there she is many miles away in a new exciting career - be real or ?
Wish I could see her to hug her and talk, but that is’nt very possible, is it ?
Am I a fool, or just plain stupid ? “”"

So : What does the dear woman I speak of here think of this poor fool ?

I am quite sure you have moved on in life M—- since our clumsy fumblings and have loved and experianced much more and
better and I hope have found and find much happiness and fulfillment each day as your life opens up….. and grows….

Do you have a special person in your life M—- ?

Please forgive this intrusion, esp if unwelcome - however I needed to let you know…

[You know the words of the song ‘M—’ are so very true for me and it haunts me whenever I hear it.]

What n…..?

???

In love forever - whatever …. open hearted …. as ever ….

If you have moved on - that is fine - I just need to pour out my feelings to you, the one they are for.

And if you just want to pour some sense of reality into this foolish head of mine that is fine also.

- Love…

AJF -

charles.. wrote:
i still stand for my opinion - say it again and if she rejects you again, then you’ve got no choice

Please let me know if my communications with her - above - qualify as good - cos my heart and head are not working well right now..

Thanks,

Charles.. wrote:
i think its all good. and now i think u should just give it some slck and just wait. its painful i know but, theres not much of an option. just wait and see the results. this maybe painful to realize, but perhaps shes figured that she has a new life and new options? as her lover, it may not be your best choice to not have the chance to take care of her, but at least you know that she is with someone she loves and can rest assured that she will be happy and taken care of

Thanks - AJF