friends help: For those who care. - Help.com

sheakerbean wrote:
you seem like a good guy, you’ll probably do the right thing in the end. with the ex thing i think you should give her the time of day but don’t lead her on

Thanks, I sure hope so.

Thanks, and good luck with your work.

camila22 wrote:

sheakerbean wrote:
you seem like a good guy, you’ll probably do the right thing in the end. with the ex thing i think you should give her the time of day but don’t lead her on

yeah, he is a good guy and am pretty sure everything will work out at the end.

Thanks Camila :) You’re a GREAT person. :)

Times’ *gone mad* wrote:
JAMES *hugs*

My younger brother went through a similar problem, only it was my dad AND my mom, I ran away from it. You’re a peacekeeper—it’s gonna always be thrown on you. Your mother is lucky to have you there to listen to her and give her reason. You are a reasonable person with higher logic. You’ve helped me through a bunch.

I’ve been going through my own little happy world of **** too, sorry I’ve been an airhead. :(

Your friends younger sister might feel like she’d be less harshly judged by you–the outsider who’s like adopted family. It’s awesome she’s got you. *hugs*

You’re ex sucks.

Thanks :) I’m glad I could be a good friend for you :) *hugs back*

Charles.. wrote:
u sound like a good guy. you just feel troubled because of everything thats going on at the same time
my advice about the ex bothering u is to simply talk it out with her. make her understand that you want to draw a line between you two. but i also urge u to be not too sensitive about all this and try to accept her as a friend. just cuz a relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean you guys can never be friends, right?

Eh, I wish it was that easy. There is a lot more to the situation then that. No, things will not work out as friends. It’s sad, yes, but she doesn’t deserve it after what she’s done. I just can’t get myself to do it.

emichael2 wrote:
It happened to me before about the parents thing. I nearly fought my Dad which ended into a nasty stuff. But then the whole family commended me for doing something that brought them together. Am not advicing you to go doing the same cause the outcome may be very bad but then I will advice if you have the right information to confront anybody on this issue I mean your Dad or Mom, please do cause it might help you guys bond more closer. I hate to see anyone cry not talk of my own Mom. I would have done more than just sit. Well you are a nice guy and I want you to know since you are able to win your sister’s trust in telling you what she told you…. I would advice you keep it up cause you might also protect her from bad things in the future.About your ex try not to have anything to do with her anyone. I wish you all the best and God bless!

Thanks for your advice. But like I said I promised to my mother that I wouldn’t say anything, and I fully intend to keep that promise. I’m glad things worked out for you the way they did.

Anonymous wrote:
I’m sorry, but, you seem like the type that people can manipulate. You should do something about that, quickly! These people you mentioned, they may think you can be handled easily, like you said your former “girlfriend” was throwing a party for herself and wanted you there? Well, I’d throw a party only so I could showoff to you if I still wanted you back too, do you get it? That “girl” that came to you for “advice”, probably just showing off to you for “drinking” and what not. That’s why she went to you, because, like you said, you’ve broken off from your girlfriend and she knows, that’s what any normal girl would do. If they’re totally slutty, not at all like me! Trust no one, you’re good looking, right? Then, if so, trust no one.

Wow…ummm, yeah I see what you mean about my ex and agree. But about the lass who came to me…I mentioned she was a younger sister. >.

wildlytame wrote:
I agree with anonymous in the respect that you need to start taking control of your life. Ask your self some Yes or No questions. None of this ambigous s**t. Look at what’s bothering you and remove it from your life. Some times that includes removing more then you want to but that’s life. Your mother should not be coming to you about problems with HER husband. That is classic sympathy seeking. Your mother is worried about the relationship falling apart well she should bring that up with her husband, maybe he has the same fears. Sometimes relationships don’t work out but by bringing you into the mix it is inadvertantly making you somwhat responsible, when it is not your responsibility. So tell her that, I know it may feel like your helping her but you are not. You are not trained, and you are a conflict of interest.
Your sisters friend: How old are you. I am not accusing you of being immature just the contrary I think you actualy sound like an intelligent young man. But remember what you were like at that age and think of how much you have changed in a few short years. This girl is just like that and girls at that age change daily. Listen to what she has to say, offer personal experiences as advice and leave it at that. Rule of seven: take you age divide it in half and add seven that the youngest you should be dating this isn’t alway the case but it acts as a rough guide.
And as far as your ex-girlfriend goes; if you really don’t want to tlak to her anymore then don’t I mean the direct route is to tell her, the indirect route is to avoid her, for example not returning phone calls she will get the idea. I prefer the direct route, simple and its easier to move on with your life and as long as your honest and not malicious life will progress easily. You will find honesty really is the best policy. It sometimes isn’t easy but at the end of the day you have no real regrets if you were honest with the people around you and to yourself.

Here’s hoping

Apparently you deem it necessary to make assumptions about my mother. Believe me, they have been talking about things. And yeah, maybe she is seeking sympathy but I think that everyone does at points in their life, and there is nothing wrong with that. Unless it happens too often.

Also I guess I should have added more about my ex. I have in every possible way told her to leave me alone. By avoiding, by saying it to her face, by everything. Some people just don’t take “no” for an answer.

SARAH! wrote:
James, I’m sorry it took so long for me to reply.

First off, I just want to say how much of a kind person you are to be there for these people who need you, and how tolerant that kindness makes you. I can completely understand how that can overwhelm you when you have problems of your own. Now, it’s great that you are there for your mother, it’s something any son or daughter should do for their parents. But, I really do feel that your mother is being very unfair by placing all of this on you. Yes, by all means be there for her as a shoulder to cry on, but I think you need to have a chat with her and let her know that it is your father that she needs to speak to and that you are finding this a little hard to deal with. Maybe even suggest marriage counseling?

Now with your ex, I’m not really to sure what to suggest. From my point of view there would be one of two options. One, learn to put the past where it belongs, IN THE PAST. You are living in the present now, for the future, you can’t let the past still bother you. As hard as it may seem, I think you need to start forgiving and forgetting. I’m not saying you should ‘make friends’ with her, just learn to forgive her so that when she DOES contact you it wont bother you. Or of course there is option two (which is a bit harsh, but if you feel that strongly may be an option). Next time she contacts you, tell her that this is the last time you will tell her not to contact you again, if she does you will contact the police and say that she is harassing you. I don’t know how the law is where you are, but over here in the UK, if someone persists in contacting you, without you responding after giving them the warning, the police will warn the harasser to stop contacting you or further action will be taken. I don’t know if either of those suggestions help, but I hope it does.

Your friends, make more of an effort with them. That’s all I can say really. You need to MAKE yourself contact them, because at the end of the day, they are there for you! And your friends sister, it makes sense that she came to you, she sees you as a brother, yet does not have the stress of trying to speak to family members about her problems.

Anyway, you are a great guy James, I think it’s time you started thinking about yourself as much as you do others. ‘Pamper’ yourself, have fun. You deserve it.

Thanks Sarah. :)
I don’t think marriage counseling with my parents is need just yet, but if I think it would help, I might mention it.
I know exactly what you mean about not letting her get to me. And I will be totally honest and admit that I have not forgiven her for what she did. I’ve been trying, but I think that it will happen on it’s own. I’m not really sure what more I can do besides that.

bellatrix130 wrote:
well your really awesome and really responsible so i think you’ll work it out in the end. i would just listen to your mom and try not to say much i mean she oveously is upset but i don’t think their is much you can do i think in the end your parents will need to work it out on there own. they whole car thing just sucks plan and simple. and about your friends little sister it can be hard to talk to family may she just new you would be more understanding i think its a great thing she came to you at least she’s talking to someone [even if it is a little aukward].with

i have to go but good luck

Thanks guys.

mou the unstoppable wrote:
((love you too))

*superubergiantflyingleapingtwirlingtwistingjumpingsqueezinglovingwuffling hugs* back :)

Anonymous wrote:
you seem to be handling things fairly well. You seem like a very caring person no wonder your ex is still in love with you. In my opinion your doing the righ tthing by not leading her on. Its goodd that you are comforting your mom, i understand how you feel its nerve wreching you never want to see you mom so upset though knowing all you can do is comfort her, but it does help to let her vent on some one maybe she should try one of her friends because your still a child as am i and you shouldnt have to get involved with there problems but in a perfect world ha?

I guess…but they are still my family, and I feel sort of involved by association in that way.

SARAH! wrote:
You are involved by association. But there is such a thing as over association. Like I said earlier, spend some YOU time.

I’ve always struggled with that…I guess I feel selfish when I do that.

SARAH!