Love help: Having a horrible day. - Help.com

he may not want to hold on either but when all you’ve known is being together, it’s hard to transition away from it. this is his selfish way of coping. you’re doing the right thing. it takes time.

Forgive me if I’m out of line, but I want to share. In the last two months I have learned things about love that I never really knew. Love is something everyone thinks they know and feel. Most people don’t realize what REAL love is, though. Most people never get to experience it. Ask yourself if you truly want to see that person happy at all costs. If you can say yes then ask yourself if you would allow yourself to be set on fire and burned alive in order for that person to be happy. I know you’re thinking I’m sick and crazy, but really it’s not about that at all. It’s about being truthful with yourself about your feelings.

i attended a wedding last night and the groom’s father said in his speech “love is when you really really like who you are when you’re with that other person”

I disagree.

I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time in the romance area. I told you how I feel about love now and that is the truth. I can offer no more except my prayers. Sorry, wish I could be of more help.

Thank You, It’s nice to know you think that. May God bless and keep you.

Hi hun, first of all my thoughts are with you. Times like these are hard.

May i ask, how did you get engaged. Was it his idea/proposal?

I think you need to let go. And to do this you need to put a lot of distance between the two of you.

You need to not let your feelings overwhelm your thoughs. I’m sure deep down you know the answer yourself, the reason you are asking us to help you is because you don’t like knowing what you should do. Because its the most upsetting path to choose.

I also think he is being cruel by making you feel guilty for dating. Its not his decision, if you broke up then really it has nothing to do with him. BUT…at the same time..you say dating helps heal the pain…you shouldn’t use men as your way of helping yourself. We all make this mistake at some point in our life and then go on to think that we ‘need’ a man. When what you should try to do right now is to bring yourself ‘up’. lift your own spirit. Create your own self esteem. Build your confidence back up and be an independant woman.

You could date, because dating is not too serious. I’m not telling you what to do, only you know if you feel ready for it again or not.

I’m just saying. Be happy with yourself before you are happy with someone else again.

good luck, my love is with you :)

Well your not alone. Ok i am young. Im 18. But i have felt the same as you. Where i became that needy person who beckoned to his call.

The thing is we have to change ourselves and the way we think.

When you say the house feels empty without him. you need to be thinking, how peaceful it is and how nice it is to get the bed to yourself. (i miss that so much right now hehe)

I know its hard, and no ones going to tell you its not because we all know what its like. But really..you are so clever and smart. You already know whats going on etc. And you are right, it does sound like he is using it. Its like ‘i dont want her but i dont want anyone else to have her either’

and its not right. It basically means he is having difficulty letting go too. But that doesnt mean he doesnt want to, it just means he is struggling because he see’s you moving on.

The best thing you can do for yourself and him is completely get rid of all contact you have with him. Its the best thing for him because he can learn to move on and do things without you. And you can get on with your life in peace.

Keep trying, don’t give up. I know its hard but it wont last forever. Everything you see just seems negative right now because your mind is set to negative. You need to get yourself out of the vicious circle and help yourself to become positive again.

its so hard from an outsider to give my thoughts because i know first hand, its easier said than done. i believe with all my heart that love is something thats shown more than talked about, like anything else “talk is cheap” “actions speak louder than words”. i was blinded myself when i thought i was in love, but it wasnt until after it was over i could see the truth. heartbroken and as in love as i was, he [what he did, what he didnt do] was not what i wanted in my life, there was more pain than happiness and i dont believe love should hurt like that. i realized i was playing games with myself [didnt even know it!] not wanting him to call but hoping he would, taking my phone off the hook etc. i really didnt want to be with someone who ACTED like they didnt truly love me, there was NO fight for me or to mend the relationship. i changed my phone number and just kept reminding myself that i deserve so much better, and he certainly doesnt deserve me, even if it means i am alone [and i have been! because i’d rather be alone than with someone who’s hurting me]. its given me the chance ive needed to learn to take care of myself and be good to me. i dont need anyone to validate my worth anymore, i have learned to be ok with myself, who i am, with or without anyone else. i believe a good person deserves nothing less than to be treated with respect, kindness and honesty. i wont settle for just anyone, i chose to believe that if there’s someone meant for me, i trust Gods choice more than my own. head games are like torture, i dont think love should consist of being tortured.

Thats excellent! I’m so happy that your doing what you are, your doing the right thing. And your being so strong. Congratulations :)