friends help: I don’t know what to do, but suicide’s looking quite attractive right now, and it has done for quite some time now. - Help.com

I don’t know what to do, but suicide’s looking quite attractive right now, and it has done for quite some time now.

My story:

Just to alleviate any confusion, I’m male.

Shortly after moving up to secondary school, (In Scotland, your first seven years of education are in “Primary School”, the eighth through to twelfth years are spent in “Secondary School”, then you move on to college and university if you want to) I didn’t really have any friends. Well, i did, but not a close friendship, only spent time with them at school during lunches. Then, Two years on, shortly before i planned to take my own life, over “MicroSoft Network Messenger” (MSN), I met somebody, quite like me, that went to the same school. We started talking in the corridors, then I got introduced to all her friends, about half of which were female, half were male, thats irrelevant anyway,
Life seemed alright for the first time in years. I had friends. That was all I needed. I was happy.
I always did like the girl that introduced me, would have liked a relationship, but never let that surface, just ignored it, I was happy just having friends.
Three years on from then, We ended up going out. I was even happier. I’d achieved everything I could have wanted. I was clever, getting great grades etc, I had brilliant friends, and I had a girlfriend that just seemed perfect to me. Beautiful, funny, great personality in general, I couldn’t find a single fault.

Life was Perfect.

She broke up with me three months ago.

We promised to keep talking, to go back to just being good friends, to act like it never happened.
That failed.

We did talk for a little bit, I was going to be able to cope,
But then, She got back together with the guy she was with before me,
Before we went out, she confided in me, that he wasn’t making her happy, et cetera, she didn’t want to be with him.
They broke up.
Three or so months later was when she asked me out.

anyway, back on track, again,

I don’t get the chance to speak to her at all these days.
And when i potentially could, i get a horrible feeling of dread, apathy, self pity and hatred, so on. Which completely disables me. I stop talking, stop interacting, stop moving. All motivation to do anything gone.

She was one of the two people that got me out of my house in my spare time, and the other’s her “best friend”, I now get out of my house to see people around twice a month. I’ve pretty much lost contact. I feel completely alone in this now. Where there were once friends, theres now an empty space.

I’m forced to watch them together every day too. =]

Ive read this over and I realise I haven’t covered absolutely everything in the detail I should have, I can’t make written words describe my situation fully, I really need to vocalise it to give the full idea of how awful i feel.

Thanks if you’ve read this through,
Thank you so much if you post a helpful response.

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This open post was written 9 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 151, 14, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

friends, life, Month, school, house, girl, Year, Day, male, Secondary school (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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