Singles help: I am the personification of “loner”. - Help.com

How am i supposed to do that ? just sit next to someone “hi, i am dan, and desperate for human contact”, just sit next to random people and say what ? people will just look at me like a freak.

A lot of things, Music, martial arts, the outdoors, ect… what do you think ?

I would have to agree on church. There are many friendly people willing to talk and be friends. The first day I went to a new church evrbody came over and said hi, introduced themselves and I’m sure it will be the same for you. Good Luck

I’ve found that it helps if you assume that people want to know you and go from there. Someone once said that no-one is wealthy enough to refuse a new friend.

Treat ppl like you want to be treated.just be a good friend.trusting,kind,caring etc…Then you will attract others like you .It just kinda happens.and it could be that it SEEMS like your being avoided or ? but they could just be be busy.Learn to like people, After all,its a fact that people need people.Accept them as being human,(not perfect) .See yourself in them,They cry ,laugh,trip,dance funny,pass gas ,have habits, etc….

I think no one is rejecting you here on help.com , I’m sure you are a very interesting person to be a friend with but you may not open yourself upto people to make friends. Try to join a sport or a group activity & I’m sure you will make friends there .

hockeymaniac500 wrote:
I would have to agree on church.

I’m not religious, so that would just be weird for me.

Felicity-{KIMKRISS} wrote:
just be a good friend.trusting,kind,caring etc…

I’m getting some ideas though, I could go to a local shows, people who appreciate good music right ? I just wouldn’t know what to say.

You may just need different types of friends,The reason its bothering you is it’s time for a change. Everyone gets a little scared at the thought of change and some more than others.This site has helped me with my socializing ,writing,typing.I have a motto ‘Do what you can with what you have.’ That way I live in the moment,enjoy what is directly in front of me .About what to do or say,you have good suggestions from the others here, but ya, music, find like minds. people that have the same interests. You don’t have to say anything, maybe just observe others and they will come up to you.Sure ,we need to make small talk at first, but just go with it. There is no rule you have to be talkative if your not. Just be friendly. Thats all…….About the getting walked on ,can you tell me more about that? We all get walked on sometimes,especially the ‘nicer people it seems like.

Felicity-{KIMKRISS} wrote:
just be a good friend.trusting,kind,caring etc…

I understand how you feel, I have had many people use me, I have had many friendships wasted, and many hours sad about the losses. But, in the end you find true friends that are better than any other of the “fake ones.” It took 3 years to find true friends on my part, but I found them none the less. Also, If somebody is hard to talk to just call them a few times (works with girls, not sure about guys) and it makes the conversations alot easier, hope I helped a little bit. The only other advice I can give right now is to keep your head high, Some people will hate you for it, some will envy you for it, some will try to bring you down, but those who matter will want to be around you because of it.

Dan, seriously, we’ve all said it before. Just go out there and make some friends, join a club go t bars whatever, stop talking about it and go do something about it. You’re a good guy you shouldn’t have any trouble making friends.

Something somebody told me tonight that I found to be useful was the best way to make friends is to find common interest. So I see that you enjoy the martial arts maybe there is a martial arts club in your community that you can participate in and meet people there.

Reading this post, I hear about a deep fear and insecurity, but it is well guarded, the feeling is not directly transmitted to me. I would say that you have a sort of wall, or way to protect yourself from the vulnerability of directly exposing these emotions (even though you talk about them at great length…) So, and this doesn’t solve the problem of being alone, but, if you can protect yourself like that from the insecurity that being directly open about feelings would bring, perhaps you could similarly protect yourself from the insecurity that dramatizing your lonerness and lack of One True Love brings, at least long enough to get back into a job and be around people and all that.

Sorry I didn’t write that very well, it’s all good intentions, reading it over a few times might extract the best of what I’m trying to say.

hey man :) , i hope you feel good soon …

why dont u try to join a music band or something …
why dont you join a martial art club or something …
why dont you go to do some exercise or something …
search for a job and see if u can find one like waiter and stuff , where you can make friends and stuff …

there are alot of people im sure feel the same as u. i only have 2 friends and wished i had more. people just dont like me. it sucks. i have a hard time making friends because im so shy and quite. i dont know what it is? some of us just dont have that luck.

Well firstly my major life lesson learned last year was that you NEVER know what tomorrow brings, so DON’T give up hope!

My other lesson learned, is that the only person you will every truly ALWAYS have is yourself…so start by loving yourself, and eventually when you stop looking, the rest will come to you. I have so many friends that I have “lost” over the years because I have moved a lot. So I guess you could say I’m used to being alone…I hate it, but it’s something I’ve grown accustomed to over the years since I end up leaving all my friends… anyway I guess my point is this.. when you stop looking and you least expect it, things will fall into place. Just look for a new job, work hard towards your goals, don’t give up, TELL your friend you like her (you pretty much have nothing to lose), and most of all stay positive! I promise, as long as you work towards something and keep working towards it, it will happen… you won’t end up lonely and you will find someone who we be your life partner! :) Chin up!

i know what you feel. i just what you to know that i think that you embrace the feeling of lonleyness and use this time to think…about your hobbies…your feelings…and yourself…as people i think that we need to be alone somtimes and look at things like we cant when people are looking up to us and stuff. know that these people…will either come back or not that is the way of things. start thinking about you and not what people exepct from you but what you want to be and try new things and get to know new people…don’t think of it as “Hi i’m dan…and i’m desprate for human contact…” find a new hobby and try “hi i’m dan…and i’m new at this…can you show me…then try to get to know them better or something.”

Okay, Dan. It’s time to plan this. Go out and buy a newspaper, open it up and find where they list local events. Find an event that sounds like something you would like to do (and that perhaps is a weekly or monthly thing so you’ll be exposed to the same people on a regular basis) and decide to go.

Do not chicken out and do not tell yourself that it isn’t worth it. Think of it this way: if what you think about yourself is true, you have nothing to lose by trying. If what you think about yourself is not true, you’re in a for a pleasant surprise!

Then go. Have a good time. Ask people who seem to know what’s going on if they have any advice about whatever the event is so that you can get the most out of it. Ask if there are any resources or similar events that you can also go to. If it feels like it doesn’t work the first time, keep going until you feel more comfortable. If you go three times in a row and you can’t seem to meet anyone (we’re just talking about meeting a new person, not about forging an eternal bond with them right off the bat), then try a different type of event.

I’m opening up my email to you. Please take advantage of it and ask me when you have questions or just tell me when you’re nervous about something. I will help you make an actual plan. Don’t forget that I once had to start from scratch making friends in a new town as an adult when I was painfully shy.

glad to hear other people have had success in making new friends!