Love help: Hi, my boyfriend and me met through an online videogame, 7 months - Help.com

If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? You seem like a fairly well adjusted person. Anyone would began feeling insecure about the relationship if their partner was all of a sudden unhappy. I would just say be careful about your compromises. When we start feeling insecure about ourselves we sometimes make allowances for things that we wouldn’t normally allow.

Don’t try to fix this situation. It is his issue to fix. He has to figure out what is best for him. At the same time, figure out what you want to do. Go out. Have fun. If you feel you need to go to the gym, then go. Don’t just sit and wait for him to get himself together. Do you…(in other words go back to being the same person you were when he met you… the person he fell in love with)

I am 26, he is 32… he feels says, something worse than living at ur parents house at 32. is living at ur girlfriend’s parents house. And pretty much i like to take control over things… i was doing his accounting and OMG i love going out with him cause we used to have a lot of fun but since december to now, it has all become just doing exactly the same thing over and over

Yesterday i told him, ur money is yours, and your week is yours, just try to spend sometime with me on the weekends “us time” of course it hurts me because i tend to get attached to people… but i know that is something i need to learn to just let go.

He didn’t have to at your parents house… he CHOSE to. He wasn’t complaining for the past 3 years, why now? I don’t know what has gotten into him but this isn’t your problem. You didn’t do anything wrong in getting attached. He is acting like a jerk now and somehow making you feel bad. You are not wrong. You’re giving him his space. See how that plays out. Start living your life… don’t worry about him. Like you said, whatever is going to happen will happen.

I agree with lonely. You allready have all the answers yourself. You’ve obviously been thinking about this a lot and you seem to have a pretty mature brain in yer head. All you have to do know is act cause you’ve been thinking enough. WHAT DO YOU WANT? lonely is also right about the waiting part… think of yourself.

I truly understand that the relationship doesn’t work under your parent’s roof…that makes total sense….doing that to begin with… I dunno… all I can say is that that was pretty brave and optimistic. I could never do that…I’d feel like I was stuck… feel like I was still 16 years old… never moving, never growing up. And he’s 32 and living at his girlfriend’s parent’s house. I would not feel right at all if it were me, I have to say.

But the main thing here is what YOU want.

Just out of curiosity: don’t you want to have your own place (with or without him). I mean yer 26. Don’t you want your independance from your parents?

— dunno. It seems like you’re not doing enough for yourself. focus on yerself…

I’m babbling. that’s all for me. (hope there was some sense there in between the babble).

Thanks a lot for all your advices. Well you see my parents dont really live in the house anymore, just my sister, my boyfriend and me… so we were doing fine when we were alone, the house for ourself, we took care of it and even did some remodeling to it. He loves working with his hands so we did it.

But since my sister came back, we have no privacy. I don’t really want to move out because we have a bulldog we bought together and most apartments ive looked for girls dont accept dogs, and he cant afford a big apartments for himself with a dog… so thats why we we looking into “rooms” for him.

I was a nerdy/geeky girl! i mean we met on a video game! so i didn’t have social life until i met him, he just opened my eyes to the world out there… and i liked it so much! so now… if i am alone, its just so difficult to try to make friends that like to go out and watch football games… i guess im just afraid of change, but i know it has to happen.

I guess ill just have to give him his space and then go from there, if he wants to move out we can just meet and actually have something to talk about.

But i just wonder, i mean how do married couples do when they have been together for 4-5 years… isnt it the same? i mean the conversations die down and stuff.. i just dont undestand that part.

The best relationships I’ve seen around me are not couples that are together all the time. The have a life together and then they have seperate lives, seperate groups of friends and interests. They come together on certain things and are apart for others. They always have something to talk about because they spend time apart aswell as together. — I dunno if I’m right on this one but is it possible that he has his seperate life, but you don’t have your’s? That his life is your all? I understand his need to have something for himself… but you need to also have something for yourself.

With yer parent’s house - it might be a cultural difference… where I live it’s all about pride in cases such as these. The knowledge that you paid for the roof over your head, and for the food you eat…all that. People dependant on their parents long into adulthood seem to have low self esteem and be quite depressed all in all were i come from…but this might be a cultural thing (goes too far in that direction sometimes here)– that’s why I asked. I got that you lived alone in the house.

I don’t think you should think of it as “giving him space”. Think of it as finally doing something for yourself…

Even though you were the nerdy geeky girl you can still go out there and make friends and build a social life. You’re only 26…it’s not like it’s too late..

Hey Yrja, thanks a lot!! i get it now.. as far as the space, yes its a cultural thing, we dont see anything wrong with living at your parent’s house, better if they are not around, i guess if they were i would have left to live on my own haha, i don’t think i would be able to live like that.

And you know, he has told me that… he did tell me, we are joint by the hip, i don’t have friends, you don’t have friends.. we need our lives… i guess he is so much wiser than me, but he is my first boyfriend! (at 24!) and he was married before and he knows what went wrong with that relationship and he doesn’t want that to repeat.

So i was thinking that even if we move out to live together i still gotta find a life of my own… and respect his. And if he moves out alone, is pretty much the same cause i gotta find something to do with my own time, other than cooking, making lunch, laundry, cleaning the house, etc, which is pretty much what i always do…

Thanks a lot ^^ you all have helped me with your advice, i will start acting now instead of just thinking about it!

Great! You’ll be fine I can tell. yer one of the good uns!

You should see the movie Juno, if you haven’t allready. Not that that has anything to do with your situation…lol…I just have a strong feeling that you should see it.

Good luck Victoria!

p.s: You can balance it you now…I’m geeky nerdy girl too (computer games…stay inside movie geek)… the first step is always hard….forcing yourself out the door (but nobody’s gonna do it for you). The thing is I’m almost always happy that I actually did force myself out the door. You can have a social life AND be geeky nerdy girl AND be in a loving relationship. Totally!

hahaha… you are the third person to tell me to go see that movie! i will try to go and see it before they take it from the movies. I know i will be fine, im jus so scared right now… but i guess everyone has to sooner or later face their fears. Thanks =)

haha! go see it then! It’s like divine intervention!

Yer welcome!

Geeky and nerdy can still be sexy!!! Trust me I know!LOL Don’t settle because you don’t feel you can do better. You sound like such a wonderful person… Why wouldn’t some man want you? (I’ve recently had to tell myself the same things btw!)

I always tell my girls (I teach high school) “no one will believe you’re worth anything until you do.” Having said that, follow your heart and don’t let anyone make you feel less than what God says you are!!

Be blessed!

wow… thanks a lot. im just stressed, it seems he has reached a conclusion about… moving out on his own, see if he can be independent and go from there. I know this is the best thing to do because he will truly know if he can make it here and if he loves me, i mean i know he does but he has doubts…….

i am sooooo scared right now, i cannot describe how scared i am from this step in our relationship.

Don’t fear what you can’t control. Embrace it. You will be blessed either way. Either God will remove him from your life and make room for the man He has prepared for you. Or, He will allow the two of you to see the plan He has for you.

Pray and ask God to wrap His arms around you during this process. I will definitely be praying for you.

ok…I totally don’t believe in god and the “divine intervention” was actually a joke.

But I stand by what I said before…with or without god…