This post left anonymously
Ok this is a bit of a story, but I don’t know who to vent to…
I’m 16 and have been struggling with my faith for a couple of years now. I’m currently traveling through Europe for 4 months with my mom, and my friend came up to Rome to stay with us. Since I hadn’t been going out much (my mom and I can’t exactly go to the discos together..) I was really looking forward to going dancing with my friend for a night.
Anyway, long story short, we went to a local bar, drank far too much, and then walked to another, where I met a 21-year-old Norwegian guy. We talked, started getting touchy, and eventually left the club. Somehow we ended up next to a huge famous monument, under an ivy trellis, doing things that I certainly wasn’t planning on doing. And somewhere in that night I lost my virginity.
I had made a promise to myself and to my mom that I would wait until after high school, and with my own struggles with my faith was still thinking about abstinence until marriage. Since I had no intentions of having sex before graduating, I just figured I had time to work out my own morals, beliefs, and faith.
Now I’m lost. I don’t even know the names of the emotions running through me, but the strongest is regret. I’ll never see that Norwegian again, (who, ironically, was named Christian), and he has a part of me that I can never take back. I know I didn’t mean a lot to him, he was extremely attractive, and made it clear that I wasn’t his first virgin, let alone sexual experience.
I would love to just take it back, to have told myself not to drink so much, or for my friend to have seen me leave the club. But that’s not how it happened. We used no protection, and although he did pull out, I’m well aware that isn’t an effective method of contraception. I need a pregnancy test, and/or an equivalent to Plan B, but I don’t know how to go about acquiring one in Italy (I am currently in Florence).
Everything about that night makes me sick to think about, I can’t stop crying, and I don’t know who to turn to for advice. I’m across the world from my best friends, and it telling my mom would break her heart. I feel like a left a part of myself; my heart, behind in Rome and with Cristian, and I can’t ever get it back. I want to find a closure, and to make peace with myself, but I don’t know how to start. I want to say a prayer, but I’m too ashamed to turn to God. And on top of it all, I’m surrounded by new and amazing things every day that I simply want to enjoy. This is a trip of a lifetime, and one huge mistake of a night shouldn’t ruin it. But I don’t know how to start fixing it…
Any help would be amazing at this point. Whether it’s about testing materials and emergency contraceptives in Italy, similar experiences, emotional advice…I just need to hear from someone.
This open post was written 1 year, 8 months ago | V/U/S: 141, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
Reciprocity (0) 
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
Replies (2)
Where were you?
You can also watch events on Help.com as they happen
Ditzy
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.