homework help: I’m about 15, I never get to get away with stuff like screaming and crying and throwing a fit at this age like my younger siblings do. - Help.com

Aww don’t feel so bad. Younger siblings can be a pain, especially when they get away with EVERYTHING! Just remember, your parents love all of you, and well hmm I’m trying to think how to control anger.. maybe when you’re angry you should write it down. I usually write about my feelings, since I have a hard time expressing them. If you like.. keep a journal, or write notes to your parents (you can give them to them, or not)… but telling them how you feel is usually the best thing to do. Just ignore your siblings though, they mean no harm, it’s all love! Hope it all works out for you. :)

Maybe since you’re the oldest one, you can set a better example of how to behave… and when you feel you’re losing your patience (which is understandable), try counting to 10 before doing anything or just walking away… quietly though. That slows down the fuel to the fire real fast!! And I agree with dizzy, I think writing things out helps some. One day your brother and sister will grow up too, and you’ll look back on these times you had with them and laugh about it. In the meantime, try to hang in there, take deep breaths and count to 10,and if you still feel angry just try to walk away from it. Actually, even just going out for a walk helps to relieve some of the frustration and anger.

we all have thoughs moments

I agree, don’t feel bad - we all blow up sometimes and we just need to figure out the best way to vent our frustrations. We have to find ways of figuring out what’s bothering us. It is important to write out notes about your day (journal) if you can because that is the best insight into what is going on - we have thoughts we don’t even realize.

I have an older brother. He is 49 years old - he still has tantrums and I don’t engage with him (it took a long time for me to get to that point because I think we have “triggers” and “buttons” people can push-those set us off). My Mom finally sees it but she’s so close to him that she’ll rarely admit he has issues (trust me - we all have issues!). I think life is intended for us to develop and grow - becoming people, learning about life, growing. Anyway, he throws a hissy-fit if he walks in and you’re watching a TV program he doesn’t like, you’d laugh at how much he carries on until you change the channel.

There are books about birth order and how that affects us. I haven’t read about that but maybe you could find one at the library and better understand the dynamics of being the oldest, versus middle, versus youngest. I am the youngest of two so I don’t have a lot of insight but I know I grew up hearing my parents argue because Mom thought Dad was tougher on my brother and I was his little princess. Anything went wrong, she thought Dad blamed my brother for everything. I don’t know if you feel that way, do you get in trouble or responsibility for everything?

You’re lucky to have a sister close to your age and have a great opportunity to have a special relationship with her as you grow up. There are benefits to having a brother too. I will say that my brother and I started having problems with each other when we were about your age and we never took time to heal so we have a strained relationship today and that is hard. It would be nice to have someone to depend on, a confidant (like I see other people have). My Dad died 3 years ago and my Mom is not very well, she is ready… She worries that she’ll die and what will happen with her children who do not get along? I worry I will go before her and Clint won’t be there for me. He blames me for a lot and at the point I realized that, I wasn’t able to talk to him and work it out. So if you can do that now, you can have better relationships with your siblings. Being the oldest, they are probably looking up to you and that is a lot of responsibility. You have to do things first - learn to drive, learn to share, go to school, get a job, have a boyfriend. I don’t know if maybe your sister could be a little envious of that and maybe feel like she gets the hand-me-downs while you get the new clothes, etc. and your brother might just feel left out because he’s the only boy.

In relationships, it is important to remember that everyone has a perspective and everyone has stress. Don’t let the pressures build up inside until you explode but figure out the best way to determine what is bothering you in these relationships.

My guess is from reading your post - maybe you feel like you are listening to your parents and following the rules (like doing your homework like you’re supposed to) and they’re not cooperating. That can be really frustrating. Think about how well you each do with school, maybe they have a hard time getting started because they are not as good with school as you or maybe they are mature enough yet to understand how important this stuff is.

Is your brother a bit of a tattletale? Does he call your Mom a lot when there is conflict? I’m sure you can sit down with him and apologize for the phone hitting him, just explain it to him. Tell him you didn’t mean for that to happen or for him to get hurt.

It is hard to talk to another person and share feedback - has anyone ever given you advice on how to do that?

That is a great idea JAZ! You just reminded me that I had a terrible boss once who used to scream and called me very BAD names. So I took a walk at lunch to the mall by work and ended up in the book store. I was buying something small, about managing stress and as I went to pay I saw something sitting by the register. It was a little box that read “The Office VooDoo Kit” - I laughed out loud and the cashier told me it was a little book of ideas for how to manage stress and there was a tiny little green pillow with pins in there. So I thought it was a sign and it had great ideas for getting it out of your system without hurting someone else. I am not sure where that book is these days I think I lent it to a friend but I remember two ideas that I used to use:

- Fold a piece of paper in half and cut out a paper doll (girl or boy) and name it after the person you’re upset with. Then you can run it through a paper shredder or tip it up. You do this privately - it is only to let off steam.

- The other idea was to get a gummy bear and name it after that annoying person and then you can yell at it and vent. At the conclusion, bite its head off! If it is more than one person, I think it said you could put them in a food processor - but I thought wow if I get to that point I should probably get some therapy!

Just a couple more ideas for funs ways to get the stress out. I even taught my Mom to do the paper dolls and we always end up laughing by the time we are done.

We all get frustrated and the most out in the world we go (college, jobs, traveling, etc.) the more people you’ll find can be there to push buttons. It is just important to learn how to manage that stress! Have a good evening.

Hey Anna, being 15, or any teen year, is hard. I mean, it really just sucks. I’m 21 now; I wake up every morning and am quietly thankful that I left my teens. Everything is so, so, so dramatic when you’re a teenager. I spent most of my teen years consumed with rage during the day and morbidly depressed at night. And I come from a good home; I can’t imagine how it is for kids who don’t have family support, money or at least some sort of motivation in academics. I think anyone here who would tell you that you’re too old to get angry has either forgotten what their teen years were like — or hasn’t yet gone through them, because EVERYBODY who has been through them knows that teen years are the worst. For now, you can try releasing some of the anger and tension through hard, physical exercise. It works wonders and really, why not, nobody LIKES feeling angry. But please don’t beat yourself up over your rages, or think they’re ‘wrong’. They’re perfectly natural, and in some ways, to be more expected from you than your younger siblings. You have every right to them.