Love help: Please help, I’m in love with my best friend in college.

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Please help, I’m in love with my best friend in college.

She’s a Christian Korean female. I’m an Athiest Hispanic male. I’ve spoken to one of her close friends who told me that it’s best that I keep the fact that I like her to myself. I sent her Valentine’s day flowers and began sending her messages and sweet gifts every couple of weeks as a secret admirer. I’ve tried to be closer to her lately without telling her it’s me. However, she’s starting to become annoyed at me as a person and she’s open about it to her friends, hence, I backed off and gave her some space, talk to her less, etc. She’s also starting to become annoyed at the secret admirer but it’s clear she doesn’t think it’s me. I really wanted to ask her to an upcoming formal but I’m afraid then she’ll think the admirer is me. The problem is (and what her close friend agrees) that I’m afraid she’s say no. I think she’ll say no. Her parents made her break up with her ex-bf because he was Chinese, I’m not even asian! She thinks I’m socially awkward but she’s a good Christian and believes in “Loving thy neighbor” or whatever the expression is. She’s been a huge emotional support for me and I feel like she gives but I’m never able to contribute back. I really wish I could tell her I really appreciate her and that I wish I could give back to her somehow. I feel guilty. If she rejects me or says yes to me because she feels badly or if we date and we break up, honestly, I would feel ashamed and would likely not want to talk to her or any of our circle of friends anymore. That would leave me essentially friendless and I can’t go through the rest of college like that. What should I do? Should I tell her?

This open post was written 6 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 268, 12, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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Hispanic, Atheism, friends, college, Love, Emotion, Flower, Valentine's Day, Circle, Person, girl, boyfriend, girlfriend, secret admirer (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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kareemwork #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 1 week ago (12 minutes after post)

if I were you I would just tell her, its better than being a secret admirer inst it?

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Anonymous #
6 months, 1 week ago (15 minutes after post)

The thing is… even though I know she’ll still be my friend after I tell her, I feel like we’ll both be hurt by it happening. I feel like I’ll be hurt whether she gives me a chance or not because I’m not supposed to like her. I know that sounds so stupid but I would feel ashamed if I was open to her about it…

kareemwork #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 1 week ago (20 minutes after post)

what do you mean by ‘not supposed to like her’ its ok to like her its not you who controls your feelings but feelings control you.. now lets look at it that way: you like her and she doesn’t know and you want her to know that you like her but afraid… what are you afraid of?

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kareemwork #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 1 week ago (21 minutes after post)

and btw why would you both be hurt by liking her? love is something beautiful not something hurtful or to be ashamed of.

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Anonymous #
6 months, 1 week ago (24 minutes after post)

The way I see it, that no matter what I do, I will lose a large group of my friends. I would really be committed to her in my heart because she’s done so many good things for me. I’ve known her for over a year now and I know what she’s like, maybe it’s lust. I just would not be able to face her or any of my friends anymore after telling her. I wish I could see it as beautiful but I don’t understand why I am ashamed of admitting the fact that I like her.

kareemwork #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 1 week ago (30 minutes after post)

well if you don’t understand why you are ashamed of admitting that you like her surely I won’t.. but yeah I am with you if you are afraid of losing her or losing a number of your friends if you tell her. but still I believe that if you tell her that would be the best thing its better than being like this the rest of your college life.

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Anonymous #
6 months, 1 week ago (33 minutes after post)

I thought about playing it off and sending her one last secret admirer message that “I moved on, I’m sorry to have deceived you” but never actually tell her that it was me. But that still doesn’t resolve my issue of being her friend. I thought about asking another girl to the formal with me to hide my feelings from her but her close friend told me that’s the wrong thing to do. Any suggestions, questions? Anything will help, this situation is tearing me apart…

Anonymous edited this post 6 months, 1 week ago. Read the previous text »

I’m in love with my best friend in college. She’s a Christian Korean female. I’m an Athiest Hispanic male. I’ve spoken to one of her close friends who told me that it’s best that I keep the fact that I like her to myself. I sent her Valentine’s day flowers and began sending her messages and sweet gifts every couple of weeks as a secret admirer. I’ve tried to be closer to her lately without telling her it’s me. However, she’s starting to become annoyed at me as a person and she’s open about it to her friends, hence, I backed off and gave her some space, talk to her less, etc. She’s also starting to become annoyed at the secret admirer but it’s clear she doesn’t think it’s me. I really wanted to ask her to an upcoming formal but I’m afraid then she’ll think the admirer is me. The problem is (and what her close friend agrees) that I’m afraid she’s say no. I think she’ll say no. Her parents made her break up with her ex-bf because he was Chinese, I’m not even asian! She thinks I’m socially awkward but she’s a good Christian and believes in “Loving thy neighbor” or whatever the expression is. She’s been a huge emotional support for me and I feel like she gives but I’m never able to contribute back. I really wish I could tell her I really appreciate her and that I wish I could give back to her somehow. I feel guitly. If she rejects me or says yes to me because she feels badly or if we date and we break up, honestly, I would feel ashamed and would likely not want to talk to her or any of our circle of friends anymore. That would leave me essentially friendless and I can’t go through the rest of college like that. What should I do? Should I tell her?

hpgirl199 1 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 10 minutes after post)

u should tell her how ur feeling, she may like you back

Anonymous #
6 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 22 minutes after post)

It’s true, I don’t know how she feels. But her friends tell me that she’s annoyed at me. That can’t possibly be a good sign. And no matter what, I’m not Korean, her parents won’t approve and I know she doesn’t want to go through all that heartbreak again. What should I do? How should I tell her? I try to practice what I want to say to her at night but everytime I try, I break into tears. I can’t do that in front of her. Can I write a letter? Any suggestion is helpful, thanks.

Anonymous changed the tags on this post: they were "Hispanic, Atheism, friends, college, Love, Emotion, Flower, Valentine's Day, Circle, Person" 6 months, 1 week ago.

keo 0 #
Newland, E6, GB | 6 months, 1 week ago (19 hours, 7 minutes after post)

just tell her,u will get new friends if they will not b wth u any more,u will regret if u dont,just tell her what u ve told us,that u like her and admire her,not only as a person,but as a girl

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Please help, I’m in love with my best friend in college.

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