The Astro-Man changed the tags on this post: they were "Toronto, Pennsylvania, friends, Tennessee, Facebook, Eye, Skype, state, geography, Mind" 4 years, 1 month ago.
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Life keeps throwing curveballs at me!
Seriously, my relationship troubles are getting out of hand.
For those of you who have read my posts in the past few months, you’ll understand what I mean. One girl was on my mind for a long time, then I finally came to the conclusion that she wasn’t interested and I moved on. Another girl more recently has rescheduled and cancelled two dates and thus I have moved on from her, too.
But when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they do. Recently I met a girl who came to visit the university I am attending this semester (I am studying abroad in the UK). She came here the same time last year, and since it was her spring break, she decided to fly out here to hang out with some of her old friends. We met one evening and connected immediately — a personal triumph, because this girl is absolutely gorgeous, the type you think would never even make eye-contact with you, let alone flirt right back with you and make you feel completely comfortable and genuine while doing it.
We only hung out for a couple of days when she was here, but we got along great. She gave me her contact information and now we talk on Skype for hours and leave comments to each other on Facebook. And I know she likes me because I can feel it.
The problem is that when I am back in the States I live in Pennsylvania, and she lives in Tennessee (a state far to the south for those of you unfamiliar with American geography). We may see each other over the summer, but even if we did it would only be for a day or two.
We are both close to graduating from university, but our lives are headed in very different directions. Once I graduate, I want to go on to post-graduate studies in my hometown of Toronto while she wants to move back to the UK.
I really want to be with this girl, but I don’t think I can. Normally I would tell myself ‘Go for it,’ but not only do we hardly know each other, we’re currently separated by an ocean, and in the summer we’ll be separated by the Mason-Dixon Line. The only way we can communicate is electronically, but it’s just not good enough.
The worst part is that I could have kissed her when we said our good-byes at the bus station, but I know that if I had done that, we would have fallen for each other hard, and I just didn’t want to risk it. But now I kind of regret it.
i didn’t even read that but….
long-distance relationships DON’T WORK!!! no matter how much you want it to, it WON’T WORK!!!
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They can work if there is trust love and maturity , is does not matter how far away you are from a person you can still love them just the same or even more. If you really like this girl go for it.
I think you said it all when you stated-It’s just not good enough’. i don’t know what to do with that,but maybe you do.Think on that for a bit and see what comes of it.I have seen in passing sites that offer help for lon-distance relationships if you are intersted.As for the missed kiss? I just had a similar experience today.So I feel for you bud.I wish I could be more help.But sorry,I just don’t ,at least not right now.Good luck Astro
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I’d say keep her as a friend and don’t try to push it for anything for… at least not right now. Long-distance relationships do work, but that are really hard to maintain. I actually think it’s smart that you didn’t kiss her… and Thats the only thing I can think of right now. I guess keep looking around, and you’ll finally find someone you really enjoy and like… for an extended time close together.
I just can’t understand why I am having such a hard time with women. I don’t get it at all. Why is it that the girls I’m attracted to run away from me while the girls I don’t want to have anything to do with fawn all over me? Or in this case, why is it that the girl who is perfect for me has to be so far away?
Is it that I am too nice? Maybe if I didn’t care about a girl’s feelings I’d have them all over me. I just don’t understand. I am so lonely. And I feel so empty. Not to mention randy as hell. I feel so useless and pathetic.
Maybe its a matter of the attraction factor.Have you ever dated someone or just given a chance to someone your not particularly attracted to? It could be you feel they are out of your league or vice versa? Just a thought.
I don’t really talk to girls who I think are out of my league, the exception of course being this girl who lives in Tennessee. I don’t know why I even tried talking to her, but she was there and I was in a particularly good mood, so I did and like I said, we just hit it off.
And I actually have dated someone I was necessarily attracted to, but only dated them because they liked me and I was available at the time. A bad move, I must admit, but I was only fifteen and had no idea what I was doing. But then, I still don’t.
The Astro-Man wrote:
I just can’t understand why I am having such a hard time with women. I don’t get it at all. Why is it that the girls I’m attracted to run away from me while the girls I don’t want to have anything to do with fawn all over me? Or in this case, why is it that the girl who is perfect for me has to be so far away?
Is it that I am too nice? Maybe if I didn’t care about a girl’s feelings I’d have them all over me. I just don’t understand. I am so lonely. And I feel so empty. Not to mention randy as hell. I feel so useless and pathetic.
The girls you seem to like are the ones who are running away from you Astro. Thats one of the reasons why you like them, and one of the reasons why you lack interest in the ones who aren’t.
Allow me to repeat, yet again, great taoist truth: “We pursue that which retreats from us.”
For the long distance thing, unless there is a definite plan to be reunited down the road that you are both willing to sacrifice for, its best to keep it casual. Stay in touch and look for an opportunity to hang out? Sure, but don’t have any expectations beyond that.
Then I guess the real question here is how do I catch that which retreats?
Also, I don’t quite plan on committing myself to a relationship with a girl I barely know (though fancy nonetheless), but I will most certainly pray every day that circumstances will somehow bring us together again for something a bit more long-term.
The question actually is, will you want it once you catch it?
Leonard Cohen had the best line:
“And all I ever learned from love as how to shoot at someone who outdrew you..”
There will always be someone that catches your fancy. Always. But one day you won’t feel compelled to act on those fancies beyond their appreciation. One day you will be ready to stop looking over the next hill and accept the love that is in front of you.
Don’t rush that though, that perspective will happen with time and experience. For the present, to quote Woody Allen, “the heart wants what it wants”. Go for it, if it doesn’t work, go for it again and know that the heart is a muscle that can take a scar.
Tictac,excellent observation.Wish I had thought of it.lol
tictactomm wrote:
One day you will be ready to stop looking over the next hill and accept the love that is in front of you.
That sounds so much like settling for something less than what I deserve, though.
Just a thought,but maybe your expectations are too high?Believe me,I understand about settling,we should never settle., just bend a little?
Thats why they call it “settling down” bro. It has nothing to do with the quality of the person you settle down with, it has to do with your own changing perspective and experience over time.
I did mention that you shouldn’t rush that though, young punkerelli that you are. Go for it now and you’ll build that experience for later.
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tictactomm wrote:
For the long distance thing, unless there is a definite plan to be reunited down the road that you are both willing to sacrifice for, its best to keep it casual. Stay in touch and look for an opportunity to hang out? Sure, but don’t have any expectations beyond that.
So it looks like we may end up at the same university doing our master’s studies. This should occur by September ‘09. I really hope so, as I find myself thinking about her and looking forward to our late-night Skype conversations.
Ah, the minute we stop looking for something we usually find it. Are you taking your masters in English?
No, I’ll most likely be at the University of Toronto. That is, if I can get in, but I’m quite confident in my writing abilities that I’ll be one of the seven applicants accepted into their seriously strict creative writing program.
Everthing happens for a reason so if its meant to be it will your still so young so don’t worry to much…
If you like her keep in touch and see what happens. What have got to lose? Long distance relationships are hard and while I personally haven’t been successful in that area, I know couples who have have. If it doesn’t work at least you’ll know you made an effort.
Your problems seem to stem from the fact that you only want someone who is drop dead gorgeous and you don’t think that a ddg would look anbd talk to you. You are hanging on to this girl because you feel you will never have a body like that again to grab hold of. Looks are pretty irrelative when it comes down to choosing a patner. It is the personality that rings true in the end. If you are only dating really good looking girls, no wonder they go off, they have the pick of the bunch. They can come and go as they please. Try to find someone who is around and is more compatible with you, rather than good looking. think about ‘there’s Fred and that good looking girl. Shame she is so awful.’ Or, ‘there is Fred, isn’t his girlfriend lovely.’ I am not saying this girl you want is awful by any means, I don’t know her, but you do. About that kiss though, forsaken reject was quite right.
No defense, dude, but you have no idea what you’re talking about. You seem to think I’m only concerned about looks, which is the farthest thing from the truth. I’m not sure where you got this idea, other than my one comment on how I find her attractive, which is, of course, the very first thing anyone ever notices about someone else. After that initial reaction, I talked to her, flirted with her, and immediately fell for her PERSONALITY.
Okay, now I’m actually kind of pissed. What you said was condescending and patronizing and far from helpful. Next time, try reading the posts thoroughly before making ridiculous assumptions.
Ack, I hate making typos. ‘No offense. . .’ not ‘No defense. . .’
A good defense is the best offense….
You said it yourself. ‘a personnal triumph because this girl is absdolutely gorgeous’ etc. Ask her what whe thinks of being your ‘personal triumph.’ I think you are smarting at a lost opportunity that you have since decided you should have put more effort into since you are not doing so well elsewhere.
It is sometimes better to stand back and re-calculate and that is why foresaken was quite right.
Long distance love never really works unless there is a goal two people are aiming at - like moving nearer - you seem to be wanting to go in the opposite direct and you should. Keep the friendship if you like, but leave everything else until you have passed out of uni and know where your life is heading. No offense taken, but defense, yes, I think that was right. You are, at least, whether you realise it or not, re-calculating.
You took that the completely wrong way. By personal triumph, I meant, ‘Wow, I talked to an amazingly attractive girl and didn’t look stupid,’ not ‘Yes, another notch on my belt.’ I triumphed because I took courage and talked to someone I normally wouldn’t. And now I’ve started a budding relationship with this girl.
You have no idea what you’re on about, man. We talk just about every day on Skype, getting to know one another. I never see her, I only hear her. We’re getting to know one another intimately without the B.S.
We’ll be visiting each other over the summer, during which I will most likely see what she thinks about pursuing a long-distance relationship. The possibility of attending the same university for Master’s study is also a big plus. But, considering the success rate of long-distance relationships, I’m not rushing into things or taking things too seriously. Yet.
Again, you are misinformed. I’m not recalculating anything at all. I’m merely offended that you come on here and start going at me like I’m some sex-crazed male chauvinist. Want to hear the truth, mate? I’m still a virgin! And I’m waiting for the right one. And hopefully, she’s it.
And as of now, I’m done with your condescending nonsense. Go spread it someplace else.
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