Love help: my mum suffers from depression and i have taken over everything including looking after my disabled brother and sister. - Help.com



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my mum suffers from depression and i have taken over everything including looking after my disabled brother and sister.

i also have to look after my mum who is not getting any better. i am always tired as i stay up worring about her. the day i turnt 18 was the day my life changed and i had to do everything all because my mums fiance was caught out to be a love rat and my mum loved him so much they were due to get married and my mum was pregnant, soon after she found out what he was up to she lost the baby due to her depression, she is on loads of tablets which i have to keep an eye on as she has tryed to take her life. i have recently started a new relationship and i am wanting to spend time with my boyfriend but i cant leave my mum on her own, it is destroying our relationship already. does anyone have any tips on what to do too help my mum get better, as i am only 18 and soooooooo stressed out by it all. please help

This open post was written 3 months ago | V/U/S: 227, 5, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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HelpBot offline Verified User (0 minutes) Shouts: 9 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 3 months ago (0 minutes after post)

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js1975 offline Verified User (3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (12 minutes after post)

Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Everyone has tough times, and it sounds like your Mom is really struggling. The big thing is to get her help. She is depressed for a reason, and pills will help cope, but will not fix any problems. (counselor and religion)

Have hope that this is temporary, and once your Mom gets back on her feet, things will be better.

Good luck, your doing great, and keep your head up because it will turn around for you.

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KateMonster offline Verified User (4 months, 4 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Athens, OH, US | 3 months ago (50 minutes after post)

If you’re comfortable talking about it, explain the situation to your new guy. If not, try to get him to understand that your mother is ill and you are responsible for the family for now.

Since you’re mom is taking pills, I assume she’s seen a doctor in the past, but is she seeing one now? Also, are there any other relatives who can step in and help out? You’re doing a tremendous thing for your family, and you deserve a night out every once in a while (especially since you want to spend time with your guy).

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nb297 offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (3 hours, 41 minutes after post)

Try to get her out of the house doing things she used to enjoy,keep your head up and let your mum know you are struggling and how much you need her.Best of luck to you

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yumyumdewdew offline Verified User (3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (2 days, 21 hours after post)

i think i know how you feel or at least have an idea because it all sounds so similar to me.
my mum and brother are autistic and my mum often suffers from depression because of the stress of living with autism with people not understanding it and her not being able to get the help she needs. so now i have power of attourney over her affairs, which basically means i am meant to do things like sorting out her benefits and making sure things that need to be done are done.
which is really hard as i dont know how!!
im finding it reeeeally stressfull at the moment as i am at college and trying to do well at it and coping with our home issues and with college deadlines is very hard to manage it all.

im gettin some help from various people but it seems like noone really understands what we need as a family and what my mum needs so its all taking a very long time to get sorted out.
do you go to college or anything? if you could find someone there to talk about whats going on at home that can be a big relief sometimes just to have a moan about everything. or maybe counselling??? i dont know much about that though im just saying when ur in a situation like this i think its really really important for you not to feel alone, because if you do then ur less able to help your mum and brother and sister, and if thats what your gonna do then you need to be able to give it a 100% or ur just gonna beat urself up over it. you need to be strong in yourself and dont forget to look after yourself.
i agree you should tell your new guy at least some of whats going on for you, if he understands why sometimes you cant go out or whatever he’ll be able to be more understanding and hopefully give you support even in just listening or whatever you need from him. but i could understand if you didnt want to i hate telling people whats going on at home i just find it really hard. esp if its a new guy and u want to make a good impression, but ive learnt that the truth is usually the best good impression you can give in the long term.
i dont know about how you could help your mum get better seems to me like she is needing to get better in her own time, but in the meantime maybe you need to have some time out. have you got any family you could visit as family? or maybe your brother and sister could go and so you and your mum would have a bit of time to just talk and try and see how things are going.
i know its really hard situation but u need to make sure your mum knows how you are feeling or if one day you suddenly just cant cope anymore it would probably be even more difficult for her, at least if u tlk she has an idea of what your feeling now.

but i want to say well done to you i have an idea of what your having to do and i respect you for doing it alot, especially as it must be so hard to see your mum down all the time.
im sorry this is really long im quite tired but saw this and really wanted to say something to you, so just well done and keep strong, and i hope things get better for you really soon. x

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