Love help: I’m Scared. - Help.com

aj wrote:
How much older is he? How old are you? Age difference isn’t so bad when you’re at least in your 20s. Being a teenager, however, and dating someone much older, is different (I know, I did it, and it was creepy). If you’re a young person and you’re dating someone much older, and you feel “scared” that he will leave you, ask yourself what are you getting from this relationship? Sounds like just the thin comfort that you are “in a relationship,” although if the relationship is long-distance, what actual comfort are you deriving from it?Sounds like a lot of drama. Rest assured that there are people your age, who live near you, who can offer a more stable and trusting relationship. Just because you made poor choices in the past does not mean you have to settle for this fellow now. You’re worth a strong, solid relationship. I’m quite sure you are. Believe in yourself, eh! If you don’t, who will?

I am fifthteen and he is eighteen…i know what people say…teenagers dont know what love is but im a mature teenager…and i dont trust or love easily….i really do want to be with him im just scared.

of getting hurt..im afraid he is just going to leave.

the sad thing about meeting people on the net is that they are usually not who they make you believe they are.. so be very careful and dont get into a situation in which you will be hurt again..

I can see how it’s become hard to trust men, and you (and your mom) have had some bad luck… but it’s not always the case. I know it’s hard to trust again, but really love is always a chance… there’s always a chance we will get hurt, and that’s the risk we take when we open up our hearts to someone. We do learn from the mistakes and the hurts though, and we don’t give our heart as easily as we once did after we’ve been hurt a few times… we are much more cautious and try to take only risks that seem like safer bets.

Still, you are only 15 and it seems to me you shouldn’t be worried so much about a guy leaving you at this point… I don’t think things should be that serious at such a young age… you could date lots of guys before you get real serious with one person in particular, no? You’re not ready to get married yet. I have to say at that age, lots of relationships come and go usually… usually it’s when we get older that people are more likely to have matured, had some experiences, and be ready to have a more serious committed relationship with someone special.

Honey, I don’t want to sound mean, but the likelihood is that he WILL “leave” you. And that’s not because he is flawed or untrustworthy, but because you are both KIDS. When I read your message about not “trusting men” and about your “ex’s,” I thought you were some jaded, worn-out middle-aged woman. Relationships formed at age 15 and 18 are very, very unlikely to last a long time, and that’s perfectly normal. The teenage years are for making different kinds of friends, getting to know different kinds of people, and practicing, if you will, for adult social interactions. But they are “starter” relationships, statistically extremely unlikely to endure. You both have so much growing up to do–you need to go to college, get your educations, establish your careers, and solidify your values before you are ready to permanently commit to anyone or demand a permanent commitment to anyone. Any other course of action is highly risky and extremely age-inappropriate.

My suggestion is that you enjoy this teenage romance, but don’t worry about making it last a lifetime. Consider it as one interesting chapter in your future memoirs, with lots more interesting and exciting chapters to follow.

If you stake your well-being on how long every episode of what they used to call “puppy love” lasts, it’s no darn wonder you’re scared. Take your time, enjoy being young and beautiful and free, and reconcile yourself to the notion that there is a whole lot more life to be lived and savored before you settle down.

That was excellent, theresape!!! That was sort of what I was trying to get out… but wasn’t succeeding!!! :D Nicely put!!

Cattail, I think we’re nearly always on the same page.

:) Great minds think alike? I only wish I could get my words out like you can… LOL

You need to tell him, he need to know if he leave, then it is befor you fall even more for him and the pain is worse, and if he doesnt leave then he knows you that much better, you have this load off of your chest, and you know that he does care enough to know all the worst of you and still love you

I would recommend backing out of the relationship entirely for right now until you find the ability to view yourself as a confident, strong, beautiful young woman. The more you discover about yourself, the easier future decisions will come to you. You should never live in fear of anything, and that includes yourself. Take some time for yourself and re-evaluate the past relationships you were in, and why you held those men responsible for your personal happiness and well-being. That corny old saying is true–until you learn to love, appreciate, and respect yourself, your not going to do yourself-or anyone else-any good. Your mother’s failed relationships do NOT dictate the future you are entitled to. Also, you say this is a long distance relationship. Well, he may indeed be a great guy. But, I think, until you are actually around a person continuously, and you get to discover all the things about that person that you appreciate, and all the things about that person that completely drive you over the edge…well, you know what I’m getting at. Take care of yourself FIRST–always.