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I’m surprised this is actually a site.
Anyways.. I feel hopeless. Most of my friends have moved a minimum of 40 minutes driving away, or have forgotten about me completely. My mother is sick, my dad divorced her a long time ago and isn’t around. Our family isn’t very well off, and I put off moving away for college to support them. But doing this only upsets me even more, as I am treated as if I am doing nothing regardless. It’s like no one notices I am around until they want something from me. I have many talents, but I can’t even bring myself to use any of them. I’m trying to go to a community college nearby, but I can’t motivate myself enough to succeed. I just feel like I am incapable, even if I am.
I feel like I’ve chosen to only be this supplier, as if I have nowhere that is actually mine, and no one that can help me. I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to be happy again and be able to do things that I want to do, and I want to enjoy my old hobbies. I want to succeed in school, and maybe become something. But.. I just don’t have the motivation to get me far enough. Constant arguing and being brought down by my own family just makes me feel worthless. I’d move, but I have seen the bills firsthand, and have no idea how they will keep from being on the streets if I leave, as messed up as they are to me. And even if I did leave, I haven’t the slightest idea of where I could go to be happy, or how I would afford it.
I just want to enjoy life again. I want to go to school and work and maybe have the heart to even try to make new friends. I’ve tried recently, but each of them seems to not have the time of day to be all that concerned with me, and in one case, I almost think that she would be a good friend, but it feels like I don’t really have a place in her life. Everyone is so outgoing and connected, and here I am with nothing really important going on. Maybe she would prove to be a good friend, but some subconscious thought or something prevents me from driving to visit her. Honestly, I can’t bring myself to do much anymore but work at a dead-end job. I’m only 18 and have so much to live for, or so that saying goes. I’ve had enough good friends decide to end their lives, I couldn’t bring that upon myself. I just want to live. But.. I don’t know where to begin.
This open post was written 3 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 214, 6, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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