Love help: tell me how you think.

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tell me how you think.

give me your thoughts.
i have the hardest time taking any advice, even when i KNOW its right.
but i need to understand.
so ill rant. and you can read. and respond if youd like.
tell me whats wrong with me.
i cant seem to figure it out.

sigh.
ive finally found myself in the least desirable personal position capable, feeling the worst pain, crying the worst cry, slowly sinking into the deepest despair.
all by my own standards of course.
you might disagree, might think im just a mess, just being annoying.
but i am a complete mess.
i suck.

but no self pity.
no pity at all is needed, i just want to go back to the mental stability i appreciated ever so much, back before all of this started.
although to tell you the truth, i think denial is the answer here.
it just kept piling up, and instead of me trying to fix it i let it build up, and now i dont know where to start.

my health, my love, my home, my job.
all falling apart.
hidden illness, uneasy feelings, landlord from hell, and a job i just quit.
where to begin…

love is the easiest problem but the one that bothers my heart the most.
i need it figured out.
i certainly know nothing.

i have the most caring, giving, fantastic boyfriend around.
he loves me so much, and really would do just about anything for me.
he understands me, helps me when i need it, and cries with me when i can only feel pain.
i also love him immensely. am completely faithful, and would do ANYTHING for him, but i have a problem.
i bring him down a lot.
he thinks pretty highly of himself, and i guess maybe its because im not used to it, but i have a tendency to just cut him down.
im that person that makes fun of the pretentious, i think its funny that people actually describe themselves this way, but he doesnt.
but he isnt pretentious, not that much, he just thinks he could change a life with his words.
anyways, i hate that i do it, i dont like seeing him hurt. especially by me.
but i cant stop.
when he says something ridiculous, like everyone i meet looks up to me, i cant help but want to go on and on about how i dont believe it.
i want to keep talking about how wrong what he said was until he agrees.
how horrible is that?
ive stopped doing it a great deal, but when it happens its still what i WANT to say.
why do i do that? whats my problem?
he has nothing but the best to say about me.
i think hes smart! i think hes a great guy!
what the poo is my problem!!

This open post was written 1 year, 8 months ago | V/U/S: 265, 1, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Truth, Pain and nociception, Love, life, humour, heart, Know Nothing, Person, Beauty, From Hell (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (2 days, 5 hours after post)

Reading what you wrote was like reading exactly what has been going through my own mind lately.

A couple of things, first off. Denial is not the answer. And second, even if you’re not sure where to start, DO start SOMEWHERE.

Denial doesn’t help, not in the long run, and it is what gets you to where you are now. I know how hard it is sometimes, and even now I’m struggling not to slide even further in myself. But I know, as I’m sure you do too, that it really won’t help. A lot of people think I’m weird for doing this, but sometimes when I’m stuck at something that I know I need to change (but just can’t seem to be able to), I’ll start an internal conversation with myself, asking myself why I am doing what I am, how I think it will help, etc. And most of the time it really does help me, and even if my thoughts about something are wrong, it usually clears my thoughts enough to where I feel more in control and have a general idea of what I want/need to do.

I know how hard it is to be so lost, to just have no idea what to do, and to finally just decide to do nothing. But there is really no one and nothing in life that can really tell you what you should deal with first, or what you should do. Only you can decide that. Even if you’re not sure where to start, or what problem you should work on first, do start somewhere. Once you start somewhere and deal with one thing, after a little while other things start to fall into place and sometimes it does seem like life itself is telling you what you should do. Also, motivation comes from doing, not thinking, so if you’re feeling unmotivated, just do something, anything, and you should start to feel better.

It sounds like your problem with your boyfriend could be from low self-esteem. I could be wrong, of course. But if you want to check and see if it is, you could try taking this test.

The next time your boyfriend says something like that, instead of thinking about how wrong he is, try thinking about why he would say it. Part of it could just be because he loves you, of course. But even then, I am willing to be that there is some truth to what he says. Maybe it’s not always true, or it doesn’t apply to everyone you know, etc. but I am sure that if you really think about it, you’ll be able to think of at least one situation where what he said was true.

And I have a question. Do you really want him to agree with what you say, or do you want him to be able to show you that what he said is really true?

I don’t know if anything I said helped at all. But if you want to talk, know that I’m here.

(2)

Reading what you wrote was like reading exactly what has been going through my own mind lately.

A couple of things, first off. Denial is not the answer. And second, even if you're not sure where to start, DO start SOMEWHERE.

Denial doesn't help, not in the long run, and it is what gets you to where you are now. I know how hard it is sometimes, and even now I'm struggling not to slide even further in myself. But I know, as I'm sure you do too, that it really won't help. A lot of people think I'm weird for doing this, but sometimes when I'm stuck at something that I know I need to change (but just can't seem to be able to), I'll start an internal conversation with myself, asking myself why I am doing what I am, how I think it will help, etc. And most of the time it really does help me, and even if my thoughts about something are wrong, it usually clears my thoughts enough to where I feel more in control and have a general idea of what I want/need to do.

I know how hard it is to be so lost, to just have no idea what to do, and to finally just decide to do nothing. But there is really no one and nothing in life that can really tell you what you should deal with first, or what you should do. Only you can decide that. Even if you're not sure where to start, or what problem you should work on first, do start somewhere. Once you start somewhere and deal with one thing, after a little while other things start to fall into place and sometimes it does seem like life itself is telling you what you should do. Also, motivation comes from doing, not thinking, so if you're feeling unmotivated, just do something, anything, and you should start to feel better.

It sounds like your problem with your boyfriend could be from low self-esteem. I could be wrong, of course. But if you want to check and see if it is, you could try taking <a href="http://www.coping.org/selfesteem/inventory.htm ">this test</a>.

The next time your boyfriend says something like that, instead of thinking about how wrong he is, try thinking about why he would say it. Part of it could just be because he loves you, of course. But even then, I am willing to be that there is some truth to what he says. Maybe it's not always true, or it doesn't apply to everyone you know, etc. but I am sure that if you really think about it, you'll be able to think of at least one situation where what he said was true.

And I have a question. Do you really want him to agree with what you say, or do you want him to be able to show you that what he said is really true?

I don't know if anything I said helped at all. But if you want to talk, know that I'm here.

Help me with: The Divine Comedy by Dante

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