Love help: I don’t know what to do about my fiancee. - Help.com

funkyspunky87
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I don’t know what to do about my fiancee.

My fiancee, Gabe, is what one would call a “bad boy” type. He was kicked out by his parents when he was 16 after he dropped out of high school. He smokes. He drinks. And, I pretty sure he does drugs. But, I love him. I love him more than anything. He really is sweet. We have a new born son and an adopted 5-year-old. My problem? We’re slowly becoming more… Distant. Sometimes I feel as if he doesn’t love me like he used to. He’s starting to spend a great deal of time away from me. From the internet, I’ve found that it’s a great possibility that he might be cheating on me. He’s cheated before, but I refuse to believe that now. I love him no matter what. But, our relationship… It feels as if it’s dissolving somehow. We fight a lot. He’s hardly ever home. I’m worried. I don’t know what to do. Should I try and leave him? Should we seek help? He keeps pressuring me for more sex. Is that all he wants? Please help.

Truth is, I’m scared to talk to him. My fiancée, well, he’s got a short temper, especially when it comes to his smoking, drinking, and drug problems. If I ‘over-do’ a conversation, he’ll run off to a friend for several days. He also doesn’t seem to want to give counseling a chance. I am very concerned about his health, and our the health of our very young children. (5-year-old and a newborn). I love him, I want to trust him more than I currently do, and I want him to change for our kids’ sakes. I don’t know whether I should leave him or not. My kids do come first and fore-most, but it makes me sad to picture them growing up without a 2nd parent. Please help, this is getting hard and I’m getting desperate.

He doesn’t help with our newborn son, Alec. I think he’s only held him once. He does, however, spend a good amount of time with our daughter. He may be there, but I’m starting to already feel like a single parent. Lately, I’ve been “hiring” my friends to babysit my children even if he is home.

This open post was written 2 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 260, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post funkyspunky87 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. funkyspunky87 is not a verified member, has been around for 2 months, 3 weeks and has 1 posts and 0 replies to their name.

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friends, Truth, Internet, Adoption, concerned, Psychotherapy, Love, Boy, school, Cigarette (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (2)

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dbshell offline Verified User (2 months, 3 weeks) Shouts: 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 months, 3 weeks ago (2 hours, 31 minutes after post)

First of all, I have all the respect in the world for you. Raising two children isn’t easy let alone all of the other stresses you have affecting you. The fact that you can hold it together on a daily basis for your kid’s sake shows that you are a strong woman.
And you’re right. Your children always need to come first in your life. I know that you are afraid on what they will miss out on if their father is no longer a daily part of their lives, but just think of all of the things that they may be involuntarily exposed to (drug abuse, alcohol, etc.) if you do allow him to continue this behavior and be around your children. Also, I know that they are still very very young but they can feel the stress and tension, just maybe in a different way than you do. It just doesn’t seem like the ideal environment to bring up your kids.
Also, it is always important for you to continue to seek happiness in your life. You do not sound happy. If this is a man you intend on marrying you should not have to censor your feeling and concerns in fear of outlash. If you do truly love this man then offer to help him through his problems. Be a support system, and strong when he needs you to be (maybe even when he can’t be for himself.)
What it comes down to is do you want to live the rest of your life like this? If not, make moves. All you can do is offer your help and support, you can’t force him to take it. Sometimes tough love is the best kind. The longer you wait, the harder it will beome

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Anonymous #
2 months, 3 weeks ago (8 hours, 19 minutes after post)

You have to ask yourself, is it better for them to grow up with one parent that is a good role model, self sacrificing and all that a parent should be, or to have a negative father figure around that is possibly a drug abuser. Also, cheating is a pattern. Studies show that discord is far more damaging to children in their developing years than an absent parent.

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