life help: I am scared.

soon2BallAlone

I am scared.

I ca’nt say I am completely sure but I may be losing it a little. Since my brother’s passing. I hear people calling me in a room all by myself and find myself answering sometimes. When it comes to that time of the month I find myself contemplating suicide. I guess that’s time when I am most sad so it manifest itself in thoughts of ending it all, well that’s what I tell myself. It’s amazing how much someone could mean in your life. also how losing that person could shake your whole world. I used to feel so strong now I feel like a shell of my former self. That way I felt like I was ok in this world is gone. I know I struggled with mental health problems before in my life. Somehow I feel like I am truly in it’s grip. Only this time I am not as strong. I keep telling myself I am . I really really have to believe that. I need to believe that. I do’nt tell anyone anything I just do’nt talk to my bestfriend to my boyfriend and refuse to place this kind of weight on my parents. Plus they would need to believe it as much as me probably not want to face it. To be honest I do’nt relly think I will own up to what’s going on with me. I do’nt want to I got over this before I feel like a failure allowing it to do this to me. I am in control so I do’nt understand why these things are happening. Am I letting it happen. I justhope it does’nt get worse. I have to keep this my little secret, I have to pretend. Maybe when I finally see a therapist I might tell or no I do’nt want medication. I guess I will decide when that time comes. They keep saying with time it gets easier. The more time pases I am closer to living here all alone. We had plans, he was going to have a niece and nephew for me, we were going to move to florida at the same time, bury our parents together. Now that’s over. I will be alone.

This open post was written 3 months ago | V/U/S: 381, 9, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post soon2BallAlone may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. soon2BallAlone is a verified member, has been around for 3 months and has 2 posts and 11 replies to their name.

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Florida, suicide, life, Bury, Month, Medication, Person, Mental Health, Cousin, That Time (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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HelpBot 9 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 3 months ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the
Suicide Prevention Lifeline, anytime, for free, professional, and
confidential assistance. While other Help.com users are likely to reply
to your post, please make sure you understand that your use of Help.com
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Note: I’m a robot that the Help.com staff created. If this response is in error, I apologize, please ignore it.

rebeccalynn16 48 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 months ago (15 minutes after post)

I’m really sorry that your lonely. If you ever need to talk give me a shout. I know what you mean by (you are a shell of my former self) you don’t have to hold it in letting it out will help you cope. I know there are no words to ease your pain. Please know your not alone.

Help me with: I have a problem I need some help with.

soon2BallAlone 9 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months ago (2 hours, 34 minutes after post)

rebecca we’ll talk 2morrow and thanks for the number help bot.

the_truth 1 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (7 hours, 17 minutes after post)

I have felt some of what you’ve felt and I can relate.

I can assure you that happiness in my life truly began once I found Jesus. I have stuck with him since. Ever since I found God, my life has gotten so much better!

Things just seemed to piece together so perfectly.

Read these… Google them. I would advise you read them in the NIV(new international version) Romans 10:9, Matthew 11:28-30, proverbs 3:5-6, John 3:16, John 14:14

christinasworld 2 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (8 hours, 28 minutes after post)

Coincidentally, this story in my google reader today: http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/EpicCh…

I thought it worth sharing.

Help me with: Has anyone ever heard of Eckhart Tolle?

soon2BallAlone 9 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (14 hours, 21 minutes after post)

Today feels like a sad day. I hate this because it’s so bright and sunny where I’m at what I would’nt give to feel some piece of happiness. I’m fighting back my tears while typing guess it really hurts when you do pour your feelings out. I mean to be trapped in a feeling it sucks. I’m fighting I have to but I feel like there’s no way out. Feeling a little hopeless I guess. I guess this 5 month fight with my depression is starting to wear on me. I called again today and told them they don’t understand I need to see a doctor now they told me there’s nothing they can do there are people all over the city waiting. After that I decided maybe my problem isn’t thet bad someone else must be going through worse. You know what they probably are’nt going to help me anyway. They don’t really help anyone they’ll just try to give me medication probably. I can keep self medicating. You know what I don’t care any more no one can help me. I just wish it would leave me alone. I’ll be fine. Just another bad day.

staceybmon #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (17 hours, 40 minutes after post)

I lost my brother now five years ago, and while I don’t know your story, I can only imagine your pain. This is likely of little comfort, and I didn’t believe it when I was where you are, but I promise, this will get better. You’ll start to see him everywhere. Mine is the blog post at http://epicchange.org/blog/2008/04/09…. 5 years later, my memory is no less vivid, but the time i used to spend in constant grief is now spent in constant tribute to the man he was, and in celebration of the life he would want me to live. I maintain the depth of my sorrow, and still cry when I remember that terrible day, but I try to live in today, as he no doubt would want.

I hope that your pain relents enough to find his comforting presence in everything, and everyone, around you.

This account has been deactivated.

chev.jame 13 #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 4 weeks ago (20 hours, 12 minutes after post)

You are not and never will be alone. Death has intruded into your family, into your home, but death itself is going to die. You are also an aunt, and you should be a big part of Zoe’s life.

I will tell you all something. We have all been born into a world at war, a battle between heaven and hell, and between good and evil. YOU, my friend, have a big part to play in the battles ahead. This really is a war, and it will rage on if you decide you do not want to fulfill your part. As simplistic as this may sound, we have an enemy, Satan, who is dedicated to our destruction. In personal terms, that’s YOUR destruction and MY destruction. Satan KNOWS you have an important role to play in the battles ahead, and he wants to take you out of the fight, because–as hard as this may be to believe–he FEARS what you can do to him and his plans. He knows that YOU have the God-given power and potential to totally upset his apple cart! So, our Enemy wants to take you OUT of the fight. And the easiest way to do that is to break your heart. When our hearts are broken, we don’t feel like fighting any more. So what can you do about it? Trust God and take ownership of the role you have to play in God’s plan–a plan that was made before the foundation of this world was laid. Do you want to honor your brother and his family? Then fight the Enemy and become a comfort for others he has tried to destroy. When you accept what I have just told you, the things going on around you start to make sense. But you must embrace the basic truth that you are caught up in a war, and you will CHOOSE SIDES through your actions or inactions. There is no “neutrality” in this war. Your brother set an example before you. Finally, talk to a pastor and do not be afraid to confess your darkest fears and thoughts. In doing so, you will banish them. The Enemy wants us to keep all of that bottled up inside us. He wants to dispell our sense of hope–he wants to break our hearts. But you know what? He can and will be defeated. Take up your sword, little sister, and join the fight! YOU are going to make a real and positive difference in this world!(www.smockt.org)

You are not and never will be alone.  Death has intruded into your family, into your home, but death itself is going to die.  You are also an aunt, and you should be a big part of Zoe's life.

I will tell you all something.  We have all been born into a world at war, a battle between heaven and hell, and between good and evil.  YOU, my friend, have a big part to play in the battles ahead.  This really is a war, and it will rage on if you decide you do not want to fulfill your part.  As simplistic as this may sound, we have an enemy, Satan, who is dedicated to our destruction.  In personal terms, that's YOUR destruction and MY destruction.  Satan KNOWS you have an important role to play in the battles ahead, and he wants to take you out of the fight, because--as hard as this may be to believe--he FEARS what you can do to him and his plans.  He knows that YOU have the God-given power and potential to totally upset his apple cart!  So, our Enemy wants to take you OUT of the fight.  And the easiest way to do that is to break your heart.  When our hearts are broken, we don't feel like fighting any more.  So what can you do about it?  Trust God and take ownership of the role you have to play in God's plan--a plan that was made before the foundation of this world was laid.  Do you want to honor your brother and his family?  Then fight the Enemy and become a comfort for others he has tried to destroy.  When you accept what I have just told you, the things going on around you start to make sense.  But you must embrace the basic truth that you are caught up in a war, and you will CHOOSE SIDES through your actions or inactions.  There is no "neutrality" in this war.  Your brother set an example before you.  Finally, talk to a pastor and do not be afraid to confess your darkest fears and thoughts.  In doing so, you will banish them.  The Enemy wants us to keep all of that bottled up inside us.  He wants to dispell our sense of hope--he wants to break our hearts.  But you know what?  He can and will be defeated.  Take up your sword, little sister, and join the fight!  YOU are going to make a real and positive difference in this world!(www.smockt.org)

tgutierrezboy #
An Unknown Location | 1 month ago (1 month, 3 weeks after post)

I have been battling depression all my life.Starting with a three year trip in a mental institution at 13years old.I am now 48 and I self medicated with maurijauna just a couple of puffs at the end of the day.Despite all the agony life delivers I felt strong and endured all the hail storms.Well I had simple heart surgery and had to leave for the first time the job I had over drug testing.I tried all the presciption meds the docs gave me but talk about feeling diconnected.So I went back to my little bit of weed.No criminal backround a kind compassionate man bent on helping the downtrodden.I now feel like public enemy #1 cannot find job.Depression has me by the throat and anxiety for two years now.Daily I beg God to help will this go on forever?I used to help now the Vet Hospital is trying but the men in my group are all older and I get nothing from them.I am scared and I feel alone no one knows till your here.I did not understand my brothers Bi-polar,I treated him as weak.Things that go around come back around.I could not apologize enough,all I can give him now is complete understanding and comppassion.We suffer together till our day of pain may someday end.

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I am scared.

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