girl help: I feel like I’m being ripped apart.

Moon

Chico, CA, US

I feel like I’m being ripped apart.

People talk about gender-queer and GID(gender identity disorder) and what they mean, but what if you don’t fit neatly into one of those catagories?
I feel like I’m one of those people that doesn’t. I’ve been told that being gender-queer means you feel that your gender(mental) is different than your sex(physical). Well, I feel like a mix.
I feel like I was meant to be a girl, but then I also feel like I was meant to be a boy. Like maybe I should have been a twin or something, I don’t know. But I feel like there’s a hole in my chest where the male aspect of me is trying to free itself. The female aspect is holding it back. Mostly because my physical body is female and the male aspect can’t really do anything about that.
I feel like my soul is being torn in two. I’m a boy and a girl, if only mentally…

This open post was written 6 months ago | V/U/S: 508, 9, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Moon may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Moon is a verified member, has been around for 8 months and has 18 posts and 149 replies to their name.

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Boy, gender, girl, queer, female, male, Physical, Aspect, Feel, Mental (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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els 2 #
San Diego, CA, US | 6 months ago (5 minutes after post)

Can you try and define what your male aspect is? If you can then maybe you can do some research on other women who have taken on very masculine roles/characteristics, while still being women, and find out how they made it work.

Moon 16 #
Chico, CA, US | 6 months ago (7 minutes after post)

I can do my best. I’m not exactly sure what you mean by define though. For example: do you mean looks, personality, actions etc.?

Help me with: My friend is trans gender and she’s looking for a psychologist that specializes in those who are trans in California.

els 2 #
San Diego, CA, US | 6 months ago (13 minutes after post)

More what are the male feelings that you want to explore and express?

Moon 16 #
Chico, CA, US | 6 months ago (24 minutes after post)

I havn’t really thought of it quite like that before…
I suppose I would like to be able to express stereotypical male characteristics(I’m such a horrible speller, I have no idea if I spelled that right). I know that I absolutly loathe my breasts. Not just because they’re annoying, they feel and look out of place. I wish my voice were deeper and my eyes less feminine.
…That’s not the answer to the question…
I want to be able to walk down the street and be treated like a man. I don’t want people in a store to say “Hello, miss, how may I help you today?” I want them to look me right in the eye, give me a firm handshake and say “Good afternoon, sir. What can I do for you?”
I don’t like being dainty or feminine at all….I like to show toughness and masculinity as much as possible.
Ummm, is that close enough to the answer?

Help me with: My friend is trans gender and she’s looking for a psychologist that specializes in those who are trans in California.

els 2 #
San Diego, CA, US | 6 months ago (1 hour, 1 minute after post)

Have you tried getting in contact with any transgender groups. I’m not saying that you should just go ahead and get reassignment surgery but I think this is a group of people who are exploring their sexuality in a way that might help you. Many people are unhappy in their body but it could be for any number of reasons. Maybe you just feel like you don’t get enough respect looking the way you do, and you need to explore how you can get the respect you think is only forwarded to men (and isn’t that sometimes the truth) while remaining a woman? Or maybe it is truly that you want to have a male body. I know to undergo any transgender surgery you need to have specific psychological counseling, and during these sessions a number of people with issues like you realise that it isn’t what they thought they were looking for. I don’t think gender identity is so cut and dried as a lot of the media portrays it, and there really is a spectrum from being ultimately and only male to being ultimately and only female. There is so much in between with room for everyone. Good luck in your quest for realisation of yourself.

This is a really involved, quite technical paper, but could help:

http://www.transgendercare.com/guidan…

Here’s a link from the same people to a ton of support groups and blogs and such

http://www.transgendercare.com/suppor…

Moon 16 #
Chico, CA, US | 5 months, 4 weeks ago (23 hours, 55 minutes after post)

Thank you so much. I really think this will help!

Help me with: My friend is trans gender and she’s looking for a psychologist that specializes in those who are trans in California.

els 2 #
San Diego, CA, US | 5 months, 4 weeks ago (1 day after post)

Wonderful, I hope it’s at least a start.

Moon 16 #
Chico, CA, US | 5 months, 4 weeks ago (1 day after post)

I read almost all of that paper and about 3/4 of the way down I found this:

“Transgenderist”

Transgenderists are men and women who prefer to steer away from gender role extremes and perfect an androgynous presentation of gender. They incorporate elements of both masculinity and femininity into their appearance. Some persons may see them as male, and by others as female. They may live part of their life as a man, and part as a woman, or they may live entirely in their new gender role but without plans for genital surgery.

It’s me in a paragraph. I really just wanted to thank you again. I didn’t know that there was a term for the way I feel. I’m so much less confused. I know that there’s more I need to learn, but this little paragraph is more than I could have hoped for so soon. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Help me with: My friend is trans gender and she’s looking for a psychologist that specializes in those who are trans in California.

els 2 #
San Diego, CA, US | 5 months, 4 weeks ago (1 day after post)

It is such a pleasure to know that my advice was worth it. Feel free to give me a shout out any time, although I’m not in any way an expert on this.

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I feel like I’m being ripped apart.

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