putting your differences aside, you and your wife need to come up with the answer to this together.
My parents got devorced when i was a kid. around the age of six. i mean seriously there isnt going to be an easy answer. but if you do get devorced. try to spend as much time with them as posible. and if you move out of the house or your wife does. dont move to far. so the kids and be in the same area. try not to let the devorce affect their lives. i mean its gonna change some things but it should change all of it.
I’ll be staying in the same city. In my job, I have everyother Friday off, and I plan to continue being my son’s scout leader. My wife is involved in a local chorus that practices every Tuesday night, so I’m sure I’ll get to be with them on that night. So it will not be hard at all to be in their lives continually.
That helps to know my continued presence with help them.
in my opinion, saying “your mom doesn’t love me” puts the blame on her. you have to stand as a team as parents, regardless of what went wrong in your marriage. try, instead, something like “mom and i have decided” even if it wasn’t your first choice.
What’s most important to your kids is what’s going to happen to them. Make sure you have answers for all of their questions - it’s really important that the kids don’t feel like THEY are losing either of you as full time parents.
Please don’t involve the children with your and your wife’s divorce just tell them mum and dads marriage is not working anymore ,but don’t involve the children more then necessary….
Don’t argue in front of the kids. Don’t undermine what they other parent says. Kids look at this as a weakness and will try to play both sides against each other. Spend alot of time with them both of you. As hard as it is try to come to an agreement on everything pertaining to the kids. Continue to show love and care for them. Dont talk bad about the other parent. Because that will lead to a child shutting down and be afraid to talk about things with you or both of you.
Never talk bad about their mother in front of them and make sure they know that your divorce is NOT their fault and that sometimes marriages don’t work out and that it’s best to end things, don’t lay blame on ANYONE, the kids will resent that. Make sure they know that you both love them VERY much, can’t stress that enough, they have to know that and be reminded of that often.
my parents got a divorce when i was 6. actually my mom walked out on us on easter sunday. i remember every detail of it too. my dad told me that mommy didnt love him anymore so she left. i had an older brother and younger sister (8 and 3 at the time) my sister didnt know what was goin on but my brother and i thought our mom didnt love us either. AVOID THAT! make it seem like something great is going on. it will be hard im sure. but dont tell them anything bad. the 12 year old might be more understanding of the situation too. so she/he can actually be helpful with the younger ones. she/he also might take it the hardest though. talk to her/him first. just explain that you are going to be moving. when you are looking for a new place, include the new kids. try to actually get them excited about having 2 homes to live…
but dont fight infront of them like what others have said, it makes it harder. dont talk bad about their mom infront of them either. try to avoid any negative talk actually. pretend you are excited. talk to their mom about what you are going to do too. make sure both of you are positive about the whole thing infront of the kids. (as odd as that sounds…)
Neither you or her mother should bad-mouth each other in front of the kids even if the bad things each of you may say hold truth. If you say that mommy doesnt love daddy anymore, they may get angry and feel resentment towards her. You want your kids to have healthy experiences & relationships in their lives, and putting them at odds with their own mother will only bring the kids more turmoil & problems (it will bring your soon to be ex-wife problems as well, but at your children’s expense). If she is an excllent mother to them, that is a gift in itself- dont take that away from them. You can both be incredible parents even if you are not an incredible couple. A person can be a wondeful parent, but a horrid spouse- the two are independent of each other. Make sure to stay involved in their lives. Tell them they will still see oyu regularly, but not unless you plan to follow through. You and oyur wife have to work together for the sake fo the kids. And if things aren’t too bad, you and oyur wife can remain great friends in the least- as my parents did, but not anything mroe than that. Best of Luck. Perhaps you should consider speaking to the kids as a unit (mom & dad) but addressing each child seperately due to the variations in their ages. A 12 year old will likely react very differently than a 3 or 9 year old. After that, all 5 of you can have a family discusiso about it. Im sorry Im not sure what you should say precisely and rather not take the chance of giving oyu veryyy bad advice as I have no experience with that =\
Definitely stay in your children’s lives. Respect your ex-wife and accept that you are two separate people with the same children. Talk to each other about the children you both have different information and it will help to know your children better. Children need a father and a mother, both provide support.
Thank you all so much. You’re insights will mean a lot to me, especially you who come from divorced parents.
Make SURE your kids know that this was NOT their fault. They has nothing to do with it, it was between mom and dad.
We are going to be OK! I dragged my wife to a marriage counselor. Neither of us thought there was much hope. After several diffucult sessions, we found a book called “The Five Love Languages”, and read it seperately. It’s a wonderful book that saved our marriage. It helped us realized what we need from each other, and things have dramatically improved.
We are not getting divorced. We’re staying together, we’re meeting each other’s needs and things are so much more pleasant around the house. We’re now working on our problems together, instead of against each other.
I woudn’t have believed it, it if hadn’t happened to me.
Wonderful news…I’m so very happy for you!!!!
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