Love help: I’m engaged!

rtt06

I’m engaged!

! I am so excited and I love him and know he’s the one I will spend forever with! We have dated for 2 1/2 years. Really 2 because we broke up for 6 months and he dated someone else and was involved in really heavy drugs….that’s the only thing that makes me doubt us. When he got back with me he was off drugs- everything but weed. At the moment he is somewhere he can not do drugs and he promised he would not do drugs anymore. Is it unreasonable to tell him this is his last chance with me and I will leave him if he ever touches a drug again? I just feel that if we get married I want him without drugs because that’s what I deserve. Is it wrong to make him choose? The last time I did this he chose the drugs. But his answer will let me know if he is really the person for me. He says I’m trying to change him, but I think its for the better….what do you think?

This open post was written 1 year, 8 months ago | V/U/S: 757, 12, 8 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post rtt06 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. rtt06 is a verified member, has been around for 2 years, 6 months and has 62 posts and 200 replies to their name.

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drug, Date, marriage, Love, Binomial coefficient, Person, Year, doubt, engagement, Weed (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Anonymous #
1 year, 8 months ago (2 minutes after post)

a.) congratulations!
b.) i personally would make him choose, and if he chose drugs. that would show me that it was never gonna work anyway.

cattail 8 #
Newark, NJ, US | 1 year, 8 months ago (11 minutes after post)

Congratulations to you!!! And I agree, you don’t need a relationship with someone who is into drugs. But let me say this…. If he’s really going to change, and you are going to insist that he does so, make sure this is apparent BEFORE you set a date to get married. Marriage is a commitment, for better or worse, sickness and in health, etc. You should never go into a marriage expecting someone to change, because more often than not (unless THEY really want to change) they do not…. what you see is what you get. If he says you are trying to change him, that doesn’t sound so good… you see, HE has to want to change for himself. But I do hope this works out for you! Just realize that with any addiction, there is a strong likelihood that a person will slip up again…. so if I were you I’d wait awhile before setting a date on the marriage commitment, till you see signs that he is serious about quitting drugs.

(2)

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prettyconfused 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (15 minutes after post)

congrats, and i agree that it is for the better. this will be better for the both of you because drugs can destroy your relationship as friends and eventually your relationship as husband and wife. you do deserve the best. if you two plan on having kids in the future remind him of the outcome his habbit could have on your future children

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thep 59 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (15 minutes after post)

That’s great advice from cattail. I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

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scary doll 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (1 hour, 45 minutes after post)

Cattail says it all!

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spiritedsoul 4 #
Sandgate, G5, GB | 1 year, 8 months ago (1 hour, 58 minutes after post)

congratulations

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shefairy2000 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (7 hours, 8 minutes after post)

I would have a long engagement, that way you can see if he gets back on the drugs or not. It’s hard to quit, and being given an ultimatum as a drug user/former drug user is like being backed into a corner, saying NEVER again is HARD and almost unreasonable. Things happen. So give him a chance and congrats on the engagement!

☆ 580 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (7 hours, 46 minutes after post)

Congratulations! :) look for some signs that he is really going to change his habits. Do not let love or feelings deny what you observe. Hope it works! wish you the best! :)

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ladyecj 3 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (1 week, 3 days after post)

shefairy2000 wrote:
I would have a long engagement, that way you can see if he gets back on the drugs or not. It’s hard to quit, and being given an ultimatum as a drug user/former drug user is like being backed into a corner, saying NEVER again is HARD and almost unreasonable. Things happen. So give him a chance and congrats on the engagement!

this is the best thing you can do show him he doesn’t need drugs not even on the weekends cause thats most ppl excuse support him and keep him away from the friends that do the same i know it sound wrong but its to save his life drugs are bad! but you love him so stick by him even when things get hard! good luck

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Maoriboi 1 #
Plympton, 05, AU | 1 year, 7 months ago (2 weeks, 3 days after post)

hey bro congrats on your engagement to the both of you… look after him… honestly look after him, and don’t feel bad about making him choose cos i made the mistake of choosing not to tell my ex about everything going on in my life and lost her due to stupidity because i didn’t tell her… but if he loves you he will definatly choose you over the drugs trust me…. I wish i had that second chance so he is one very very lucky person to have a person like you….

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themut2u #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (3 months, 2 weeks after post)

i know your happy, and thats a good thing, you should be happy. For someone that has so much love in their heart, you deserve it. The only problem with the situation is that you’ve settled. He still does weed, and thats ok with you? You allow him to choose you over drugs, and im sorry to say this but he is. i wish you two the best and i hope he finds the error of his ways, and changes before you decide to let go.

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rtt06 3 #
US | 1 year, 4 months ago (3 months, 4 weeks after post)

thanks guys! hes completely drug free (although admittedly not by choice- long story) but we’re as happy as we can be and I will continue to stand by his side.

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