Love help: This is a poem i wrote (for real this time). - Help.com

It was aight but don’t really get what it’s about?

I don’t know much about poetry
But I read it all :)

I liked the meaning behind it but, and remeber you asked for critique. I feel that your syntax needs work. And your structure wasn’t as well as it could be. The premise is good.

Syntax refers primarily to word usage and structure, secondarily to diction.

I like it Bacon, reads like a spoken word; nice rhythm to it.

Aww!! I loved it!! It got a bit confusing…but I got most of it.=)

Bacon I really like the poem, it is nothing short of breath taking, but you can’t name it “as the bell tolls because that is a song matallica sings so it has a big © next to it. sorry.

lil_sparky_28 wrote:
Bacon I really like the poem, it is nothing short of breath taking, but you can’t name it “as the bell tolls because that is a song matallica sings so it has a big © next to it. sorry.

Metallica took it from Shakespeare.
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee”

JesusMurphy wrote:

lil_sparky_28 wrote:
Bacon I really like the poem, it is nothing short of breath taking, but you can’t name it “as the bell tolls because that is a song matallica sings so it has a big © next to it. sorry.

Metallica took it from Shakespeare.
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee”

well then bacon, it is “as the bell tolls” witch is a good name.

lil_sparky_28 wrote:

JesusMurphy wrote:

lil_sparky_28 wrote:
Bacon I really like the poem, it is nothing short of breath taking, but you can’t name it “as the bell tolls because that is a song matallica sings so it has a big © next to it. sorry.

Metallica took it from Shakespeare.
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee”

well then bacon, it is “as the bell tolls” witch is a good name.

Metallica took it from an Earnest Hemmingway who took it from Shakespeare who took it from…bell-tollers….

tictactomm wrote:

lil_sparky_28 wrote:

JesusMurphy wrote:

lil_sparky_28 wrote:
Bacon I really like the poem, it is nothing short of breath taking, but you can’t name it “as the bell tolls because that is a song matallica sings so it has a big © next to it. sorry.

Metallica took it from Shakespeare.
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee”

well then bacon, it is “as the bell tolls” witch is a good name.

Metallica took it from an Earnest Hemmingway who took it from Shakespeare who took it from…bell-tollers….

well you know what it doesn’t matter. don’t think i’m being mean I just get caught in the literallist situation in the posts i attend and I now think I’m goint to open a post about “as the bell tolls” just to see what other people say about the matter we have fun with it……right?

I thought it was good I understood the whole concept. An easy way to fix the confusion is when you changed point of views. I don’t think you meant for it to be vague but is the first section a thought the solider was having, or was it a view from a loved one. holler back let a sistah know! But I liked it anyway. I do the same thing in my writing sometimes.