reason help: I am so anxious and I don’t know why. - Help.com

Well…not a whole lot to be honest. I just got done reading my e-mail from the hockey leage I am on. They changed the date that we are getting together to do our five on fives and they sent a list out to everyone to let people know who is on it and I’m not. I see my counselor tomorrow. We didn’t have a good session last week. But other than that I have just been on help.

My counselor and I discussed my suicidal ideations that I had been experiencing for over 2 weeks and she said that if things didn’t start to iprove she would need to close my file. I then told her that I thought the reason I started feeling so suicidal was ecause of the med my psych. put me on for ADD and she typed out a schedule and handed it to me and said “If this doesn’t work, you are beyond help”

I am angry and upset. But I don’t know what exactly is worrying me. I guess that I am anxious because I am worried something like that is going to happen tomorrow.

Something like that. It has gotten to a point where I don’t even want to ask for help because I am afraid of what the consequences will be. So in a sense I am anxious about just even attending the appt because it is like asking for help. When I saw her on Thursday she said I was doing a good job calling the hotline but I was reaching a point where I neededhelp outside of their resources. So now when I am depressed, suicidal, anxious, you name it, I don’t like to ask for help because I am afraid of what will happen.

I think that if I reach out for help that my file will be closed and then I will have no one to turn to.

ayc wrote:
anxiety and stress are so interlinked. could you just actually be stressed? trying to hard? maybe chilling out and enjoying yourself would do wonders?if you are actually anxious, then you have to do some soul searching, its difficult i admit! but worth doing. its like you have the perfection thing, cant ask for help without worrying what things may happen. sorry, if that sounds complicated, its a complicated subject.but excercise, a happy outlook, a slight selfishness, can be healthy.

I don’t think it is stress. I generally can tell the difference in how I respond to both stress and anxiety. This feels more like anxiety.

rebeccalynn16 wrote:
ya I know what you mean. and I’m not sure why they would close your file. are they thinking your not helping yourself?? like you will have to want to live for them to help you??

I think it might be something like that, which is ridiculous. If I wasn’t helping myself I wouldn’t call the hotline, attend my appts. w/ them, take my meds, and everything else that is required to stay healthy.

ayc wrote:
has anyone perscribed any meds? may help (cant beleive i just wrote that)if the have, you do have a duty to take them and be honest about the outcomes. for your own health if nothing else.

I am taking 10 different meds. One of hich is for depression and one of which is for anxiety. The thing about my depression is when I get too deep into it I just quit taking my meds because I feel as if they aren’ doing anything and my counselor knows that about me She has told me that if that ever happns to let her know so she can help me. That is wht I did on Thursday and…you know the rest.

ayc wrote:
i’ve just noticed that you are studying couselling yourself. im sure you know what to do. if this isn’t a research project.

Not research

ayc wrote:
with all the studies you are taking, you must have your ideas on this, which is yourself, what are they? because your probably right ;)

She knew that my psych put me on a med for ADD. When this happened she lost it. Last week I told her I thought the med had made me fall into this depressive state and quit following through with my self care routines. Which is when she gave me the schedule and said what she said.

So I am thinking
The schedule was probably to help me get some sorta routine back in my life and the reason she said what she said was probably more a combination of her issueswith my psych and fear of losing a client to suicide than anything else.

rebeccalynn16 wrote:
So the reason your anxious is because your afread that someone or every one will give up on you and you will have no one to turn to for help!

Yea!

rebeccalynn16 wrote:
Ok please know that there is always help!! not always good help but there is always help.. if you don’t have anyone else give me a shout and I will do my best to help you. but honestly all you really need to do is go to any doctor and they will recommend someone for you to talk with. can I ask how old you are??

22, I’ll be 23 on the first of May

ayc wrote:
or is it because you need people? ideally to help you? even though you don’t need it? thats a profound question sorry. maybe ask yourself one day when you’ve got time. continuing on with the point, you need a routine, its good for your body and mind. i also reluctantly and apologetically kinda laugh at ADD, because in the UK it is thought of and treated so differently. im not saying we are right at all =/. but have your mind open all the time, whoever you are and wherever your from! so back to point, what would you like to happen next?

I don’t mind the laughter at the ADD diagnosis as I don’t really think I have it. I have gone as far as sking my psych to not prescribe meds for it. As far as your question, there are a lot of people out there who I look to for help and there ar a lot of people I look to for friendship, in any case, whatever I expect from these people is something I need. I have been in and out of counseling since I was four or being abused by my grandfather and dince then I have attemped suicide 3 times and I have seizures which are triggered by thoughts of the abuse.

ayc wrote:
i would guess, and only guess, due to not certainly not being qualified yet, so i am in no way a professional, just an idiot, but your seizures from those two lines, sounds like accute panic attacks. a panic attack is a kinda natural protective response. unfortuantly if can also affect you later in life away from the ‘panic’ and hit you again because it has become learned behaviour. relaxing, deep breathes can help allievate it to an extent, but if it thats sudden obviously that isn’t practical or going to happen. one would guess (a very large unqualified guess) that your seizes of your memory are the ‘acute fear’ that anxiety is, a fear response. unfortunatly as i said it can happen later, away from the original time you were in fear. it protects you, then, but hinders you now? all i guess im sorry =/

Here is a description of why I have those seizures. http://www.minddisorders.com/Br-Del/C…

rebeccalynn16 wrote:
wow rough stuff!! I think your upset because your afread people will give up on you.. but the key factor in this is will you give up on your self.. if you have someone close the door on you go nocking on another!!

I never give up. When I was in high school I was being bullied because of my seizures and I reported the problem to the administration and they didn’t do anything to help me so I dropped out of the school and went to the community college here and got my GED. I graduated while I was in the hospital for an attempted suicide.

A little bit. I want to hear ayc’s opinion on that link I sent though and I wouldn’t mind hearing your’s either.

ayc wrote:
ok i have read that, and beyond my original statement of thats a bit old fashioned, im not sure what to say. i worry that you have read this and think this is your specific problem though. because a little bit of knowledge is a very dangerous thing. more so when you are vunerable in some way.

That is what my neurologist and counselor and psychiatris have all diagnosed me with.

k

http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/ans…

ok. I don’t know. It seems kinda silly I guess. But i think it is that I am worried about the fact that I told the captain of my hockey team that I wanted to play on in the 5 on 5s and now when all the slots are filling up and shset the list in an e-mail she still doesn’t have my name on the list.

So now I am worried that I won’t get to play the five on fives

I don’t have msn mesenger but I have yahoo.

ayc wrote:
yeah, you worried your not good enough?
that making you anxious? returning those feeling to you? shame? guilt? not being good enough? memories exist in layers, a anxious memory will lie on top of an older anxious memory.
you know you are more than good enough, i know you know you are!!!!!!! have a little fight within your heart. fancy a chat? for half hr or so? my msn is (email removed), i will delete you after if ya want ;) up to you ;)

You got it!

Through the shoutbox