hate help: so hows best to get over yourself and self-hatred? - Help.com

no easy way. just put your energy into something else(other than self contemplation). exercise/hard work always works for me.

and don’t expect overnight success. it takes a while. keep busy. good luck

Well, none of us is going to get into heaven on MERIT! We can and should try to live into a holy life, but we’re going to mess up, and stumble, and flat-out fall on our faces. Hating ourselves for our shortcomings isn’t going to help anything. We should learn from our mistakes, and try to fix whatever character flaws are engendering this self-hatred. That’s right. I don’t believe in “diseases,” e.g., alcoholism. I fail and you fail because we have character flaws. We can fix some on our own, and others may require divine intervention. Peter fixed his character flaw of cowardice with help from our Lord, as just one example. But we have to realize that we are never, ever going to be perfect. If we could, we wouldn’t have needed the Cross and the sacrifice that our Lord made for us. Oh, I’m not holding myself up as any kind of example. If I make it into heaven, I will be the least to have ever done so. Self-hatred, though, serves no purpose and keeps us from even trying. And Lord knows, we need to try!

Thanks, AYC. I do believe that no process that excludes God–being the factor that He is–can really work. Who we are, how we regard ourselves and others, what we are doing with our lives–it all ties in with God whether we know it or not. Not being preachy, ’cause that would likely bring lightning bolts down on me . . . but I have found that if we ignore God we will continue to stumble around with no possibility of finding our way. That is the voice of experience.

Hey ayc, it might not be what you are looking for, or something you’ve already tried, but talking to someone who can help you see things in a different way could help. CBT, cognitive behaviour therapy, is a pretty-scientific based therapy that looks at how we think about ourselves, and why (maybe because of what others have told us about ourselves) and how we can think/feel differently. And for me, it worked. It also helped me understand why I felt the way I did about myself. I can only speak for the UK, but your GP could get you a referral, or if you check out http://www.babcp.com/ you can find a decent therapist near you. And I’m sure its more complex than just how you look etc, but from your pic you look pretty beautiful to me.

Keep at it, you’ll get there.

xx

AYC, you are most welcome and I wish you the very best on your “quest”!

Hey, GPs don’t know best (but don’t tell them that). If you want to talk to someone, you make that clear. Meds can be helpful if you are feeling too low to get help on your own, but not always that helpful in the long-term and don’t suit everyone. Check out ‘Overcoming low self-esteem’ by Melanie Fennell, good book (about £6 on amazon). And you can get through this - these are your thoughts, not you and self-hatred is just a tiny part of the wonderful person you are. Good luck xx

This in an exercise my therapist tought me…dunno…perhaps it can help:

Split yourself up into 2 personalities. No1 being you as you described yourself (nice, caring, kinda smart, conciously thinking) and No2 being that person that hates you (that other part of you) that one that makes you believe that you are worth the hatred. These personalities are both you, just two different sides of you. Visualize these 2 “persons” in your head (both are you so both have your face). To the detail. Dress them…how do they wear their hair, what does their voice sound like, how do they move. Let them interact.

if it’s not too weird for you:

set up 2 chairs and decide wich one belongs to no1 and wich one belongs to no2

Try sitting in the chairs and becoming this part of yourself that belongs there. Feel the way you move, talk, think in each chair.

Watch the other part of you (no1 or no2) on the chair opposite.

In “character” of no1 for example tell no2 what you feel about them (tell it to the chair. see yourself, or that part of you, sitting there). Voice all of your opinions of that person (you) and try to be honest.

Try both chairs and talk to the other your other side outloud.

— I know this sounds extremely silly but it was very effective for me at least.

When you’ve done this a few times (for a few days for example) your 2 personalities should be pretty clear in your head. now you have a tool you can use.

Whenever you get thoughts of self hatred go inside your head and visualise no1 and no2. Make them debate or fight even (I make em fight all ninja like :) ) Make no1 try and defeat no2 with words…fists…whatever you prefer. Hopefully no1 will win. sometimes no2 will win I’m sure, but if you do this often then no1 will win more and more fights, get stronger. this will really only take a couple of seconds in your head…usually…so you can do it anywhere at any time.

Think of it like a computer game. no1 gets stronger no2 gets weaker. You can even try and dress up no2 like a complete loser… things like that. I dress my no2 in latex for example cause I think latex is the most unattractive fabric you can find. So I see 2 versions of myself in my head. A laid back pretty neat woman and a really angry frustrated stupid looking latex gal with a whip :) I always want no1 to win cause no2 is just sooo frustrating and stupid.

hope this helps at all :) at least until you get a good therapist.

np and good luck!

Step outside of your own box and be kind to someone else.

Just let it all out. It helps. If you get all of the negative emotion to the surface and ask other people their opinion of you, based on what you find your self-hatred is about. If they reply positively, then your self-esteem grows and your self-hatred shrinks. Justify why you hate yourself. If you cannot justify it from an outsiders point of view, there is no cause for the hatred. If you think about it more and more positively, then your sef-hate will fade. Or do something unusual to disrupt the feelings, like running, jumping, shouting, singing, dancing lolz;) hope i helped