Love help: I cant decide to make him leave or let him stay.

Drealee

I cant decide to make him leave or let him stay.

We have been married for 10 years. He has not worked for at least nine of them. He watches our two kids, and not very well. He loves them very much, but does not value cleanliness. No sex in over 5 years, no affection, and we don;t do anything together but an occasional movie. We stay together becasue we love our kids. He stays probally because he is too scared to leave knowing he has no money and nowhere to go. He does no house work, never has. I DO EVERYTHING!!!!! I want my kids to have dad. He says if I make him leave he will leave and never come back, not even to see the kids. I know it is a manipulation, but I also know he is telling the truth. WHat do you all think?

This open post was written 1 year, 7 months ago | V/U/S: 504, 9, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Drealee may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Drealee is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 7 months and has 2 posts and 6 replies to their name.

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Drealee edited this post 1 year, 7 months ago. Read the previous text »

I cnat decide to make him leave or let him stay. We have been married for 10 years. He has not worked for at least nine of them. He watches our two kids, and not very well. He loves them very much, but does not value cleanliness. No sex in over 5 years, no affection, and we don;t do anything together but an occasional movie. We stay together becasue we love our kids. He stays probally because he is too scared to leave knowing he has no money and nowhere to go. He does no house work, never has. I DO EVERYTHING!!!!! I want my kids to have dad. He says if I make him leave he will leave and never come back, not even to see the kids. I know it is a manipulation, but I also know he is telling the truth. WHat do you all think?

crazy711mdlay 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (16 minutes after post)

if he is willing to leave for ever and not come back even to see the kids then he doesnt really love them… he is using you…do you fight alot… you should tell him he has to shape up… if you two are willing to work together then there is still a chance but other wise it is going to be more pain for you and the kids… be strong i know you can do it, and with a little faith youll make the right choice

Help me with: i sometimes hate myself,

chi 1 #
Phoenix, AZ, US | 1 year, 7 months ago (22 minutes after post)

if you took the kids out of the equation, would you be together?

erin 1 #
Augusta, GA, US | 1 year, 7 months ago (1 hour, 7 minutes after post)

I read a poem the other day, and it was simple, really, but effective. It went like this:

“They stayed together
for their children
Who grew up
afraid to marry”

What you do is up to you. Go with what you think is right.

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jeaniecarpentier 17 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (1 hour, 9 minutes after post)

Okay so my parents were married for like 18 years and not happy about for as long as i can remeber. when i was younger i use to wish i was never born because i knew me n my sis were the only reason they stayed together as long as thay did. so i blamed my self for thier unhappiness, i thought if it werent for me, they could be happy. then, when they got divorced, i was kinda relieved, besause i knew they could be happy.

thats kind of a kids point of view i guess, but it probaly depends on the ages of the children.

and if you do get divorced, i hope you can at least tolerate each other, my parents hate each other, and it sucks, but they are both happy in thier new lives.

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Drealee 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (11 hours, 50 minutes after post)

We really don’t fight a lot. We used to. Since I have been telling him how I feel he has been very nice. But still no work around the house, or helping with the kids. And well, no sex for such a long time, it is hard not to day dream about ya know, having freaky sex with strangers. That is not really like me but, I am lonley. THe kids are 5 and 7, and they love thier daddy. I think over a long time we could work it out possibly, but I almost feel like thier is too much water under the bridge, and I don’t have anything left. I know I am not attracted to him at all. I feel bad for him becasue he has been trying, but history whispers, “how long will he be nice and try, he wil go back to his old ways.” I found this site last night and I can;t tell you how nice it is to have different perceptives. Thank you and anything else you can say would be great!

dannysgirl200 8 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (12 hours, 9 minutes after post)

I think you should make him leave. He is using you and this can’t be healthy for the kids. They need to see love and affection in a relationship. They learn alot about relationships from the people around them and you don’t want them to think that this is how a relationship should be. Believe me if he loves the kids he will come around and see them. He needs to grow up, become independent, and stop living off of you. What good is he doing for you? If none then he shouldn’t be there.

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rebeccalynn16 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (12 hours, 15 minutes after post)

it sounds to me you are carring the load of 4 people on yourself. Can I ask why you married your husband? what has happened since you were married that has caused him to not work or be responsiable for him self or his family?? what would make him think this is acceptable. because one person carring the load for a family doesn’t work. dannysgirl200 is right your kids are not getting what they need from their dad and neather are you. he is going to need to change or get out of the picture. and I am willing to bet to realizes this too. he can’t be proud of himself living this way. if he is ok with doing this to his family he needs to leave he is not doing his kids any favor’s. I would have a talk with him and see if he is willing to get a job. if not I would let him go… he really doen’t know what he has!!

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myx6 #
An Unknown Location | 11 months ago (8 months, 2 weeks after post)

I can’t believe how much I relate to you. I’m in a very similar situation. I’m the sole bread winner. He works some times and when he does he keeps about half of what he makes. I pay for everything including his vehicle. We have 2 kids (5 and 3). Our story started by us living together, eventually it was just the logical next step to get married. I wanted to have a family with kids and so did he. I thought once that happened he would be more responsible. There was never a really big thing that happened to make him more irresponsible, I’ve just always been the one that takes care of everything. I blame myself for letting him take advantage of me for so many years. He’s always gotten everything he wanted while with me, vehicles, business, toys. And I’m in debt upto my ears. He doesn’t help around the house, doesn’t help enough with the kids, doesn’t fix things. I’m tired. Today, I told him for the millionth time in the last year, that I wanted us to split up. His answer is for me to leave, but I’m the one that has payed for everything in this house and the house payments as well. He won’t leave. I’m to the point that I don’t see another choice but to make it legal and I guess nasty.

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I cant decide to make him leave or let him stay.

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