Love help: I’m leaving the nest and I don’t know if I can fly.

NotoriousKYA

I’m leaving the nest and I don’t know if I can fly.

I might be moving out of the state i was raised in, away from my last two friends and my family to live with my long distance boyfriend of 6 months. I don’t love him yet (probably because of some past experiences not just him) but we’re good friends.(and I really think i could love him if we saw each other more often) He also makes me feel safe, and happy. He keeps my feet on the ground and my heart optimistic. I have been trying to get out of here my entire life and now i finally have the chance. I have nothing left here to hold me back, except for my friends. But sometimes I feel like they have their own lives to live and I have the urge to make a life of my own. I want a fresh start and a new beginning.. I want to be out with the old in with the new… and find myself… but why am I so nervous about it? This is what I have been planning and I just found out today that its actually happening.. he just found an apartment for us… he’s about 2-3 hours away from my hometown. I could always come back to visit easy… and I’m feeling so happy… but at the same time I feel a bit of sadness knowing what i have to leave behind..is this what ever adult goes through?… is it normal to feel sadness when you leave your old life behind and start one of your own….I’m scared and I’d love some advice… I don’t have a job here and I want to go back to school eventually. My boyfriend drives a tow truck and is planning on becoming a truck driver asap… When I go to live with him i will have to find a job too… which is fine with me of course… we have talked about what we want and it seems like it would be easier for me to focus on my future career and getting myself together by removing myself from the stressful situation i have here at home and going to live with him.. that would also take away the stress from the long distance part of our relationship. but I dunno.. its weird thinking… ok.. im going to go find a job to take care of myself and know that no one else can help me.. I mean they cant really help me here either.. thats why i dont even have my own car at the moment.. but with my boyfriend I know he can help me get my finances on track and help me get ME on track.. he’s so down to earth and yet he gets my crazy side so it totally works… none of my friends here are like that.. they’re all crazy as me! hahaha…so… any advice on first time adulters? (wow that sounds wrong)

This open post was written 1 year, 7 months ago | V/U/S: 513, 6, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post NotoriousKYA may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. NotoriousKYA is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 7 months and has 50 posts and 619 replies to their name.

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EartH, friends, automobile, state, tourism, Love, Truck, Situationist, happiness, life, growing up, moving, Family (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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s.re 4 #
GB | 1 year, 7 months ago (7 minutes after post)

Yes, I do. I’m 22, moved out of home four years ago and have been living with my fiance for two. What you are feeling is absolutely natural. It is scary, but exciting too!

Onto the advice:

1. Don’t expect things to be absolutely perfect moving in. You will both be used to your own space and it take time to adjust to living together. I think over the last two years most of our arguments have boiled down to the fact that we’re always under each other’s feet. It will start off amazing, go downhill, but it will come back up, that I promise you.

2. Never go to bed on an argument.

3. Money is one of the biggest causes of stress within a live-in relationship. Budget carefully and try to stick to it.

4. Sounds obvious, but make sure you share out housework between the two of you.

5. Spend lots of time out of the apartment, especially if it is small, together but also with other people. I understand it will take a bit of time for you to meet new people etc, but once you have a job you will meet more people etc. Don’t be afraid to have ‘me’ time.

6. Friendship before love is the best, best way to be. My fiance and I were best friends for eighteen months before getting together.

Good luck to you!!!

(1)

NotoriousKYA 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (8 minutes after post)

wow thanks ^_^ thats exactly what kind of answers i was looking for.. makes me feel a little better…*deep breath*

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BurntUmber 1 #
Pretoria, 06, ZA | 1 year, 7 months ago (28 minutes after post)

The sadness is absolutely normal, I PROMISE. So is the uncertainty, however - go for it and give it a shot. Your friends are always going to be there and so will your family. I am 25, moved out at 18. Okay, lived with a lot of different people inbetween, now also with my fiance. It is HARD but it is great and I wold not change a thing. YES, you will get days when you wish you were 3 and run to your mommies arms. I get many days like that.
S.re gave you the perfect advice.. Good luck x

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suzen 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 7 months ago (1 week, 3 days after post)

so happy for ya wish u the best of luck
go for it guurl we know u can do it

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texasshutterbu #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (6 months, 3 weeks after post)

In the process of looking for web sites that provide advice for young folks leaving the nest, I stumbled across this one. I read this post and a couple of replies and felt compeled to add my own. However, I’m coming from the perspective of a 45 year old dad whose 17 year old daughter wants to move out as soon as she is 18.

I am not one who wants to hold my daughter back, but I do want her to “launch” succesfully. While I would take her back in a heartbeat if things got really bad financially I don’t want her toever have to experience that.

So, I’ll provide my comments as though you are my daughter, too.

While this is my own personal feeling/belief, I can firmly say with resolve that living together before marriage is not a good idea. I come from a Christian perspective, so I beleive that marriage should come before co-habitation - it’s the natural order of things and “modern” folks have gotten away from that. Progress for the sake of progress isn’t always the best thing for a couple - or for society.

In your case, you say that you don’t love him. Please understand that if you don’t love him now, then your mind subconciously will never form a firm attachment to him. There will always be an “out” I can tell you that after 25 years with the same woman, I love her more now than ever have not physical love -Agape love) However, I loved her and she became my best friend long before we married or lived together. Living together with someone and all their faults WILL not make you love them if you don’t already.

Second, at your age, I hadn’t even developed the identity of who I was. I sincerely believe that you need to find out who you are (personally and professionally) before you enter into a long-term relationship with someone else.

While I certainly won’t “dis” what your boyfriend does, I can tell you that tow truck drivers don’t make much and are on call 24/7 - that’s weekends and holidays, too. Yep…you will have to work to make ends meet. If he is able to get his CDL and become a truck driver, then he will spend A LOT of time away from home, and you will find yourself sitting at home alone with no family, no friends, etc. I’m going through the same thing with my daughter in a way. She wants to move out, get married to her soldier boyfriend, and move to the west coast - far away from all friends and family. Big changes there…

This is your decision to make. You may not trust or even consider the advice I give, but I was your age once, too. When I made the big leap, I leapt into the military, so a lot of things changed rapidly. I’ve been through long family seperations and big changes. I lived through it and you will, too. I guess my best advice is to carefully weigh the pros and cons of what you are about to do, and then carefully make your decision.

In the process of looking for web sites that provide advice for young folks leaving the nest, I stumbled across this one. I read this post and a couple of replies and felt compeled to add my own. However, I'm coming from the perspective of a 45 year old dad whose 17 year old daughter wants to move out as soon as she is 18.

I am not one who wants to hold my daughter back, but I do want her to "launch" succesfully. While I would take her back in a heartbeat if things got really bad financially I don't want her toever have to experience that.

So, I'll provide my comments as though you are my daughter, too.

While this is my own personal feeling/belief, I can firmly say with resolve that living together before marriage is not a good idea. I come from a Christian perspective, so I beleive that marriage should come before co-habitation - it's the natural order of things and "modern" folks have gotten away from that. Progress for the sake of progress isn't always the best thing for a couple - or for society.

In your case, you say that you don't love him. Please understand that if you don't love him now, then your mind subconciously will never form a firm attachment to him. There will always be an "out" I can tell you that after 25 years with the same woman, I love her more now than ever have not physical love -Agape love) However, I loved her and she became my best friend long before we married or lived together. Living together with someone and all their faults WILL not make you love them if you don't already.

Second, at your age, I hadn't even developed the identity of who I was. I sincerely believe that you need to find out who you are (personally and professionally) before you enter into a long-term relationship with someone else.

While I certainly won't "dis" what your boyfriend does, I can tell you that tow truck drivers don't make much and are on call 24/7 - that's weekends and holidays, too. Yep...you will have to work to make ends meet. If he is able to get his CDL and become a truck driver, then he will spend A LOT of time away from home, and you will find yourself sitting at home alone with no family, no friends, etc. I'm going through the same thing with my daughter in a way. She wants to move out, get married to her soldier boyfriend, and move to the west coast - far away from all friends and family. Big changes there...

This is your decision to make. You may not trust or even consider the advice I give, but I was your age once, too. When I made the big leap, I leapt into the military, so a lot of things changed rapidly. I've been through long family seperations and big changes. I lived through it and you will, too. I guess my best advice is to carefully weigh the pros and cons of what you are about to do, and then carefully make your decision.

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I’m leaving the nest and I don’t know if I can fly.

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